Found a Place for Me to Rest My Head

I wish I could be the one who won't care at all.

I feel so silly quoting the band I spend everyday with but it's fitting for how I feel right now. I wish I didn't care about Zacky. I wish I didn't care about him talking to another girl.

But I do.

We haven't talked for days. I should have known it would be like this, though. I took a perfectly good girl out of his hands, lied, and told him I love him.

I'm an awful person.

"I bought you something," a voice says walking into my hotel room.

I look up from my laptop and see Jimmy walking in with his hands behind his back. "Oh god. I'm scared." I laugh a little and sit up.

Jimmy sits next to me with a huge smile. "I think you'll like it!" I raise an eyebrow and he shows me a little basket with a few movies, popcorn, my favorite beer, and cigarettes. "I don't smoke anymore, dummy." I laugh and throw the pack at him.

"I know, I was thinking you would give them to me." He smiles proudly.

I laugh and look at the movies. "Ah! You got me Donnie Darko." I hug him tightly. "I love this fuckin' movie."

"I know." He laughs. "Even though Frank scares you."

I smile and look at him. "If you weren't taken, I swear." I smirk and kiss his cheek jokingly.

Jimmy's eyes widen. "Really?!"

"No."

"Oh. Okay."

"You got me Top Gear, too." I laugh. "That's my favorite show." I grin.

Jimmy laughs. "Now you don't have to be down anymore."

I sigh and look at him. "Thanks. I mean it. This is really nice of you."

"Of course. Anything to see you smile." He ruffles my hair.

I laugh and look down at the treats he got me. As I try to split the twizzlers in half for the both of us there is a knock at my door. "We're naked!" Jimmy yells.

"Funny," a familiar voice says.

It feels like my heart is in my throat. "I'll leave you two alone." Jimmy winks at me, kisses my cheek, then walks out.

I take a deep breath and stare down at the three british hosts of Top Gear and try to focus on that rather than the gorgeous man walking in my room. He shuts the door behind himself and makes his way over to my bed. "Hey," he says quietly.

"What are you doing here?" I ask him, not wanting to have a silly conversation. I'm blunt.

"I want to talk to you," he tells me.

"Well you had a whole fucking week to get the courage to, so it better be good." I cross my arms and look at him.

He sighs. "I thought about what you said. It was a shock but... I realized something."

I sigh and look down at my feet. "Go on."

"I love you, too."

My heart seems to stop, my body trembles, and an electric shock pulses through my veins. I look at him with wide eyes. "What?"

He sighs. "I love you. I should hate you for all you've said and done to me." Zacky laughs a little. "When I stayed with you it was great. I had so much fun and felt.... alive for the first time in a while. It wasn't about drinking or drugs. It was about having fun with you. I thought you were with Jason and it bothered the shit out of me. I tried to make you jealous. I had no idea how you felt. I'm sorry. And I'm really sorry I haven't said anything to you the past few days. I just didn't know how to tell you. I didn't-"

I press my lips hard against his not wanting him to go any further. He moans caught off guard and we end up falling back onto the bed. I wrap my arms and legs tightly around him and arch my back so our bodies are completely touching. He deepens the kiss and slips his hands underneath my shirt.

I moan loudly since I miss his touch so much and blush a little, embarrassed at how vulnerable I seem. I run my fingers through his hair and run my other hand down his back, grabbing a handful of his shirt to pull it off.

"Wait," he breathes heavily.

Instantly I feel awful. I'm afraid I'm rushing things or I did something wrong.

Fuuuuck.

Zacky gets up and walks to the door. He locks it and then walks back over to me smirking. He slips off his shirt, belt, and jeans then takes my clothes off as well.

Soon enough we're naked doing what we used to do everyday.

I missed this so much.

We lay next to each other smiling. I look at him and run my fingers up and down his happy trail. "This is so weird," I admit.

"What is?" He laughs and looks at me as I rest my head on his chest.

"Us. Being polite to one another." I laugh a little. "Us being in love with each other."

He nods. "It is, but I like weird." Zacky smiles and kisses my forehead.

"I'm sorry for everything I've done."

"For all of those black eyes?" He teases with a smirk.

"No, not those." I laugh and kiss his chest.

"I love you," he whispers and closes his eyes.

I smile and feel a warm sensation fill my heart. "I love you, too." I sigh and close my eyes as well.

Then I woke up.

It was all a dream. All a fantasy. Jimmy and I fell asleep on my bed after watching a long marathon of Top Gear episodes.

Had I really blocked out reality and made up some situation where Zacky admits he loves me?

I can't believe this.

Fuck, I don't even think I can be on the road with the guys anymore... This is just killing me.