Remember My Name

I always had the same problem: jealousy. I didn't like to call it that. It made it seem like I wanted a friend to be my property or something, but no. I just wanted a friend who got me, and there was always someone around that did. From kindergarten to second grade, there was Kristi. She was pretty, by elementary standards, and had platinum blond hair. That was the only time I really ever traveled in a pack of friends. We were like the group. I soon had my first taste of jealousy. There was issues spread out amongst our group, there was no denying that. Some of them had a crush on the same guy, some hated the other girls and just decided to leave. Either way our group peeled down from six girls to just three: Kristi, Madison, and me.

I remember missing Madison's birthday. The weekend after that, her and Kristi came back closer than ever. I was, from then on, not the first choice of the great and fantastic Kristi Creighton. I was no longer apart of them; the group. I finally told them how I felt, and that I wasn't going to stand for it, and left them in the cold. After that, I was alone for a while. I was the proud receiver of lingering looks, private whispers, and giggles from everyone in my class. I was sad, yes, but I was a friendly and funny little girl; making friends would be easy if I could find someone who wasn't so menacing.

Only in third grade, did my next best friend come. Alyssa was blond too. We had gone to the same school for years, and I never noticed her. Then again, we were never in the same class. We quickly formed our bond over the new Disney movie, "The Cheetah Girls." We both had a passion for singing and the movie attached onto our dreams of someday being famous.Too soon after we met, she found out that she had to move away. Once again, I was left alone.

After that, I moved.



You could have told me, you know. I was a big girl then; I'm a big girl now, too. You could have stopped the cycle from starting, I think. It was the last day of fifth grade. You don't remember, do you. It was field day: the whole reason everyone went to school. Before we could go outside we were supposed to pick partners to take pictures with. I was so happy that day. I thought nothing could be better, and that I was wrong: you weren't going to leave me for someone else. Ha, I wish I'd known better.

It was your turn to go up; you see. I was getting all ready to go, I combed my short fingers through my hair and smiled when you looked in my direction. Your gaze didn't stay for long, though. It drifted away, and then without hesitation you spoke.

"Desiray." I was too stunned to breathe. I remember you smiling as she walked up. My face went beat red like never before. One thing that I will never forget was when I felt everyone turn and look at me, and whisper to each other. They knew that some how that couldn't be right, that I was the one supposed to be up there, but I wasn't. The girl in front of me went as far to ask me why I wasn't the one with you. I just slowly shrugged and tried my best not to cry. You didn't notice. You were too busy smiling and taking the picture with ease standing next to her.

I only got picked to be in one picture, and that was with my own sister. I kept thinking if I had said something wrong to you, but everything seemed fine up until then. It ruined my whole day, you know. Of course, my sister being who she is, had to add you to our picture too so we could some how still be 'together', but no one or anything can undo what you did to me that day. You crushed a twelve year olds' day; you crushed a twelve year olds' heart. I look at the picture now and I still see everything that you didn't: I see my forced smile, my pale face, and my eyes so clouded with everything but joy.