Must Be Dreamin'

I haven’t heard anything from Josh. Part of me wishes he would call but…. The other part of me never even wants to hear that name again. At this point I think even if he did call I wouldn’t answer. He hurt me too much…. I just can’t take that anymore. I’m tired of having my heart broken and this time it was someone that I really did love and that only made it hurt so much more.

Luckily we only had two more shows to do after that little incident so now I’m back home. Danny and Kevin tried to cheer me up but it never worked, same with Kylee and Jimmy. Seeing those two together made me want Josh.

I was spending another day crying by myself when the doorbell rang. I wiped my eyes and walked to the door. When I opened it I saw a pizza delivery guy who was holding a big pizza box.

“Um I didn’t order a pizza,” I told him.

“They told me to tell you it was from a guy in the Metal Mulisha,” He explained as he held the box out to me. I gave him a smile before taking the box.

Once I closed the door I opened it up and saw that the pepperoni’s were oddly placed. I spun the box around and saw that it spelled out something. I’m Sorry -Josh The doorbell then rang again. I threw the box on the table before looking through the peep hole.

A tatted up Riverside boy was standing outside my door. I let out a sigh as tears immediately flowed out of my eyes. I didn’t open the door though, I don’t know if I could handle it.

“Kirstie?” His voice rattled my brain.

”Go away!” I shouted through my tears. “I don’t want to talk to you ever again!

“But I want to talk to you,” he shouted back.

”JUST GO BE WITH YOUR LITTLE TWO-FACED MONSTER GIRL!” I yelled at him.

“I don’t want to be with her! I want to be with you!” He countered.

“Well I guess I missed that memo because it sure didn’t look like it to me!” I shouted with hurt clear in my voice.

“I told her that I never wanted to see her again and she left right after you did Kirstie,” he told me. “I’m so sorry, I never meant for any of that to happen.”

There was a silence when all I could hear was my sobs and I leaned up against the door to get some support.

“Please can I come in and talk to you. It‘s killing me to hear you cry,” Josh pleaded. “Please, Kirstie just five minutes. I’m begging you.”

I stood there contemplating it for a moment but for some reason that I couldn’t quite explain, I opened the door. As I looked at him he had tears in his eyes as well making even more come out of mine.

As he stepped into my entryway I leaned up against the wall then slid down it, pulling my knees up to my chest. Josh sat down across from me and we were in an awkward silence for a little while before he finally spoke.

“Kirstie I really didn’t mean for any of that to happen,” he sighed running a hand through his messy hair. “I’ve been missing you so much and this last weekend she came onto me and…. I didn’t stop her. When she showed up at my house that day I was stupid and I let her in. One thing led to another and we kissed,” Josh explained.

At this point I didn’t know what I was supposed to say so I kept quiet.

“It didn’t mean anything to me though. When I kissed her I didn’t feel anything like when I kiss you. I know that doesn’t make it any better but….” Josh stated. “If I could take it all back I would… but I can’t.”

“You broke my heart Josh,” I said in a voice that was hardly above a whisper.

“I know,” Josh heavily sighed as I saw a waterfall of tears fall down his cheeks.

“I trusted you Josh and I guess… I just didn’t ever think you’d do that to me,” I cried.

“And you shouldn’t have. You don’t deserve that Kirstie and I was horrible to do that to you. You’ve only ever been good to me and then I hurt you, I don’t deserve you Kirsten… but I just wanted to talk to you,” he responded. I just nodded my head not knowing what else to do.

“I just wanted you to know that I love you and I’m so sorry that I did that to you Kirstie, I’m so sorry,” He apologized as he started to get up.

“Josh,” I called to him as he had just put his hand on the doorknob. “I love you,” I bawled as I brought my hands up to cover my face and my tears.

I soon felt a comforting hand rubbing my back and it immediately put me at ease. I took my hands down and my eyes that still had tears flowing out met Josh’s weepy gaze.

“I forgive you,” I whispered to him while still gazing into his eyes.

He let out a much needed sigh before pulling me into his arms and held me tightly up against his chest. I wrapped my arms around his neck and laid my head on his shoulder as we both cried.

“I love you Kirstie,” he said through his tears.

“I love you too Josh,” I told him with my own tears still flowing.

“I promise I’ll never do anything to hurt you again,” Josh said while rubbing my back. “I’m going to fix what I broke.”

“You already have a pretty good start,” I smiled at him.

“I love to see you smile,” he beamed with love filling his voice.

“It’s all because of you,” I sighed as he brought our lips together.

No one could ever take Josh’s place from my heart. There’s something special about that guy. I couldn’t tell you exactly what it is but I noticed it the second I met him, it’s something that no one else has. I don’t care if Kylee thinks he’s, as she says, ‘an awkward little thing,‘ I love him… and he loves me…