A Beautiful Tragedy

I was out of the hospital in no time. Brian and myself began to nurse our pain with alcohol. Now that I was no longer pregnant, I was able to cheat on Brian with my best friend Jack Daniels once again. Once the news of our Las settled in. We began to lose ourselves. I felt as though I failed Brian and myself. Yes the doctor said that I was capable to conceive again but was that really the truth? Am I ever to have a successful pregnancy?

"Charlie, why must you do this to yourself?" My mother spoke, walking into the living room where I sat. Bottle of Jack and a few bottles of Guinness sitting on the coffee table in front of my slump figure. I knew that my mother wasn't happy in seeing myself like this.

I just shrugged before taking another swig from the half bottle of Jack. My mother sighed and started to throw the empty Guinness bottles away. "Where is Brian?" She then asked.

I knew where he was but since we have been home. We spent our time apart. Not sure if he was taking it harder than I was. "He is in the studio" pointing to the basement door. I got up from the couch and made my way to the fridge.

My mother watched me carefully. I knew she was only worried for her only child. Where is Erica you ask? At home with her husband. Closing in on her due date. The guys agreed to stay till the baby was born, afraid what happened to me would happen to her. I felt bad that I've been ignoring my two best friends calls.

"You are allowed to mourn Charlie" watching me grab another Guinness from the fridge.

"I don't want to feel just yet" sighing before opening the bottle and heading back to the couch I've been
sitting at all day. Once I got comfy, I picked up a framed picture of my last ultra sound. A picture of my
dead son who I never got to meet.

Before I could register what was going on, I felt my beer be ripped out of my hand. My attention shot up to my mother. "God dammit Charlie. I know you better than this. Let yourself feel. You're only human for crying out loud" demanding just as she sat herself in front of me. She was right. I needed to start mourning.

I began to cry and nodded, "You're right. I'm just so lost mother. I wanted to have him so much" looking back at the picture. I felt my mother begin to rub my back for comfort.

"I know baby. We all were excited to meet him. Its time to accept what God planned for you and Brian. You two need to start coming together and begin healing because life is still going even when you ain't. You need to remember about Erica, she is very close to her date and is alone. As well worried for her best friend." Smiling up at me. I became selfish in my acts to where I forgot to be her rock. I may not be a mother anytime soon but my Bully will be and she needs me. I can't give her another reason I worry.

"I'm going to do better. Brian and I still have time to have a family" smiling for the first time since the hospital. My mother placed my beer bottle down before enfolding me in a hug. A hug that I clearly needed. Once my mother was sure that I was better, she left to head home but telling me to call her if I needed her before she walked across the street.

I cleaned up a bit and placed myself in the kitchen. I grabbed Brian's pack and lit myself up a cigarette. Missed how they made me feel after a stressful day. My thoughts were interrupted when I heard movement from the basement stairs to the living room. I leaned back in my chair to see Brian turning the TV on. A beer in his hand. From the look of it, he must have been drinking non stop. My heart fell when my thoughts fell on the fact we haven't said much to each other in a few days. I thought he would be more supportive towards me like he was back in the hospital. God I miss how his eyes would gleam with joy, now they were just hazed from being drunk.

I got up after I was finished with my cigarette and walked slowly into the living room. "Brian?" I asked softly. Brian didn't move, maybe he didn't hear me? "Brian?" speaking up as I drew closer. Still nothing. "Syn!" this time he looked up at me and smirked before patting the spot next to him. I sat down but felt at unease. "How are you doll?" he asked before he took another gulp from his beer. When did Brian ever call me doll?

"I'm fine I guess" speaking softly as I kept my attention on whatever was on the TV. I could feel Brian undress me with his eyes. I felt him scoot closer and run his hand along the back of my neck. I sighed and was about to brush his hand away but that changed once Brian forced his lips onto mine. My mind and heart began to feel different towards each other. My mind said push away but my heart said that I missed this so much. I missed his touch. My heart won.
Soon enough my shirt was ripped off and my shorts along with my panties were pulled down.

I was beginning to enjoy myself till Brian flipped me over and shoving his full erection inside me. I cried out but was muffled when my face began to sink within the couch. Brian held onto my hips which kepts my lower half angled enough to give him access to slip deeper. With each thrust, I clawed my nails along the couch fabric. Usually Brian and I made love. This time he was rough and in control. The pleasure was there but pain was along for the ride.

"God you feel so good baby" he growled and thrusted harder. "Oh fuck I'm about to cum" he moan. Just as he promised, Brian cam inside me. I kept my head down as I heard Brian zip his pants and get up from the couch to head into the kitchen. Leaving me there to clean myself up. Once I had my shorts and shirt back on, I curled in a ball and cried silently to myself. Soon I felt myself pass out while Brian went back downstairs to his studio.

Where did my Brian go?