Something Vague.

“I need you to stop right there”, I said pointing over at Pat. “Two times on the post, and then stop. Mmmhmmmm safe that I knew”, I sang humming out the parts unsure of the lyrics that were going there. “And then go to the high end; go to the high end on the second verse.”

Pat looked over at me a nodded before doing what I said. I looked over at Howard just staring over at us, just watching and waiting for anything. And I could sense by the look on his face he looked displeases at my lack of lyrics, but I was trying to make up for it.

“Yeah dude, just spice it up a little. You know what I mean?”

I placed the acoustic guitar down and took a seat on one of the amps watching as Pat did the drums. I looked over at Jared who was sitting there with the electric guitar working on the same song. I was starting to feel the pressure, like I was the only person here. Like all eyes were on me, I had to deliver and I wasn’t.

“Yeah dude, just the whole dunn dun dunnn wooooah”, I sang making the beat on my legs.

I watched as Jared took what I said and immediately just played the beat that I made up in my head. Jared was always good at that, my backbone in this writing process. Whatever I wanted or thought what should go there lyrical wise he always came in with guitar and does exactly what I was thinking.

“Yeah dude, just like last time.”

“That goes right after the first verse”, he said pointing at Garrett. “Then after that the bass comes in”, he said looking over at me as I nodded my head.

I sat there watching Jared play, just nodding my head to beat hoping any type of inspiration would come. Anything at all, but all I could think about was Carly. Carly was fogging up my brain. All I could think about was her smile and the way her dimples looked. Her cute laugh and how frustrated she got when she messed up her words. How smart she was and how she always knew everything I was going to say before I did. That night I woke up to her beautiful face I realized that my infatuation for this girl had formed into something much more. Not even a crush could define the feelings I had for her and how happy she made me.

“You got anything to show me John?”

I looked up at Howard, his sweaty face that was making his dark framed glasses fall off his nose. I just stared at him, feeling like the biggest idiot. I shook my head and saw the look of disappointment in his eyes and face. The guys all around us looking the same but better at hiding it.

“Where the fuck have you been John?” he asked anger rising in him making me feel like a little kid once again. “Has he even been working on lyrics?”

“Yeah man, we’ve tried. We came up with some shit but it’s just not finished.”

I looked over at Jared thankful that he always had my back. I looked back at Howard getting up from his seat running his hands through his mess of hair.

“Be honest is it complete shit?”

“Nah man, it’s coming out good. Just tweak some lyrics and put in some other lyrics to make it all flow. I mean we have the chorus and it’s catchy as fuck.”

“And what’s the chorus on one of the songs?”

I froze unsure of what to say. I thought back to the day at Carly’s house playing on her piano as she sang everything and anything. Then the day back at Wal-Mart was brought up in my head.

“Did you want me to sing it?”

“No John, I wanted you to write it down in a little love not”, he said making me laugh.

“You can rough me up. You can break me down. Baby don't stop now you can use me up till it all runs out baby don't stop now. Baby don't stop now”, I sang along to Tom Petty’s Even the Loser’s song.

I looked over at Howard and saw him nod his head meaning he wanted to hear more. He wrote down on a pad of paper before looking back at me.

“I expect the rest of this is complete shit like the rest.”

I nodded my head feeling the beads of sweat on my forehead. We finally got back to the house and the first thing I did was sit in my room looking down at the blank piece of paper in front of me but my thoughts are brought back to Carly. Like always, frustration was becoming too much to bare. I looked over at her and saw her dancing along to a song without a care in the world, like always. That’s when the anger was built up in me. I walked out of my room and walked past the guys to her house. I knocked on the door over and over again until the door was opened.

“What the fuck, coming to my house sounding like a cop knocking at my door.”

I just walked past her hearing her laugh as she shut the door. I stood there looking around feeling anger building up in me. My hands built up in a fist and all I could hear her laugh.

“What’s wrong slacker, bad day at the studio?”

“Shut up!”

“Woah, what’s wrong?”

I looked over at her and once again my knees went weak at her sight. I couldn’t control myself when I was around her. I couldn’t control myself when I wasn’t around it. It was all becoming too much to bare.

“You!”

“What about me?” she asked looking at me weird.

“You’re always on my fucking mind! All the fucking time!” I started to yell making her smirk.

“Don’t you dare smirk it’s a serious problem. I blame you for my writers block.”

“Uh, I’m sorry?”

“You should be sorry!” I yelled making her stare at me in confusion. I couldn’t control myself.

“Always with the million questions and the vague answers. I stay awake at night thinking about you, because I want to know more about you but I can’t because you have something about being mysterious. It’s frustrating you know that?!”

“I –“

“And these weird adventures, don’t you do normal things!”

“Joh-“

“Like I can’t think about anything else but you. While I was at the studio all I could think about was your beautiful eyes and cute dimples. When I’m at the studio I want to be focused but I can’t with you clouding up my mind.”

“Cal-“

“It’s frustrating, I can’t stand that I have this big crush or whatever the fuck this is. I hate that I can’t think about anything but you.”

“Shut up!”

I was thrown off by her sudden yell and that’s when she grabbed my shirt and pulled me into kiss. I felt her lips press against mine but I couldn’t do anything, her scent was calming enough. She pulled away with a laugh.

“You’re a fucking psycho!”

“I blame you”, I said with a smirk still holding her in my arms.

I looked down into her beautiful eyes and that smile that was on her lips. I leaned in and kissed her lips once more and right when I was going to try and deepen it I heard my name being yelled. She pulled away from my lips with a grin on her face.

“You should go.”

But I didn’t want to.