Hand of Blood

"Honey!" Kayla exclaimed, throwing herself into me as I still tried to catch my balance from falling through the door. My eyes grew wide, Kayla tightly wrapping her arms around me and starting to squeeze the life out of me. I scrunched up my face as I carefully returned her hug, my eyes looking over her shoulder to see Matt's smirk had dropped into his average smile as he wandered casually into the room. Back to normality.

"Oh my god, Bri, I'm going to you miss you so much!" Kayla cooed as she stood back from me, holding me at arms length. I watched her sympathetically, noticing her eyes starting to shimmer slightly.

"I'm going to miss you guys too," I said softly, Kayla's sad eyes infecting me. "You have no idea," I enforced as Kayla pulled me towards her again, in a less death-like grip this time. I smiled to myself at how nice it was to feel that kind of friendship from someone.

"You are just the sweetest thing," Kayla mumbled as she looked back into my face. "Don't let any fuckers push you around, okay? Or they'll have me to deal with when we hit home!" She added firmly, scowling slightly. I chuckled and nodded, not doubting that she would.

My eyes grew wide as I suddenly felt two strong arms wrap around my waist from behind. My confused gaze met with Kayla's, a grin etching its way into her face as she could clearly see what I couldn't. I screeched when my feet started lifting from the ground, my body being maneuvered round until I was being strategically placed over someones shoulder. I shook my head and started laughing, when I realised it wasn't that hard to work out who the culprit would be. The long hair gave it away, anyway.

"Padge, I thought I said never do this again," I whined as I let myself hang down his back, covering my face in my hands.

"Again?" I heard Matt ask in amusement, my head tilting up to see him sitting on one of the far off sofas. I glared at him playfully before sticking my tongue out at him. He grinned in response, a mischievous glint crossing through his eyes.

"Oh no, we're taking you, Brianne," Padge said loudly, catching my attention. "Otherwise everyone's going to be fucking depressed. We don't want that now, do we?" He chimed, apparently proud of his deductions. I pulled my body up a little so I could glance back at his face, raising an eyebrow. I saw him smile innocently back at me in return.

"Down, boy," I heard a blunt response, surprising me a little at who said it. It apparently surprised Padge too, because a moment later my feet were back on the ground. I chuckled as I threw a look of thanks over at Moose, who smiled back at me somewhat proudly.

I felt a poke on my shoulder, and turned back to Padge. "Hope you have fun without us," he said lightly, pulling me in for a quick hug.

I smiled up at him as he let me go again. "Thanks, I'll try," I replied honestly, Padge's response being a sad smile and an incline of his head. I glanced between him and Kayla for a moment, feeling so content. Those two were just perfect; it kind of felt like an honor to know the both of them. If I was ever in a relationship half as amazing as there's is, I'd be one happy girl.

I turned around and instantly found myself face to chest with Moose, my momentary saviour. His gaze fell from mine for a moment, before he looked straight at me with a crazy grin on his face. It was infectious.

"It's been good," he said simply. The man of few words, Michael Thomas. The one I thought I'd never really get, but have utmost respect for. A great friend through and through.

"It has," I agreed as I nodded, making Moose smile a little nervously. I tilted my head as I watched him curiously, before I swore I heard the 'what the hell' go through his thoughts. The next thing I knew I was wrapped in a bear hug, which was certainly a first from him. It seemed to make it that much more special.

I laughed softly. "Moose, air!" I exclaimed, making him quickly let go and look at me a little concerned. I took a deep breath to fill my previously crushed lungs, before sending him a reassuring smile.

"Sorry, have fun!" He finished, looking slightly relieved he hadn't killed me. I nodded as my mind wandered to the last person on the list. Jay. My gaze instantly searched the room, finding him hovering around looking a little nervous. I took it upon myself to approach him.

Jay glanced up and smiled sheepishly at me. We had talked everything that had happened between us earlier, and to say it was a little awkward would be an understatement. It was something that shouldn't of happened. It was something that Jay thought, in his drunken state, was a good idea. He just got a little ahead of himself, nothing more. I was happy to accept that. We all make mistakes.

I made the first move, stepping forward to wrap my arms around his body and rest my head on his shoulder. I felt his light chuckle as he returned my embrace tightly.

"See you again sometime," I said softly, before backing up again. Jay nodded at me, apparently lost for words. I grinned and leaned forward to kiss his cheek, which instantly caused a light blush to creep on his cheeks.

"It's not going to be the same without you around," he started, tilting his head. "You're one of the guys now."

I raised an eyebrow. "Guys?" I questioned, with a knowing smile.

Jay laughed lightly. "You know what I mean," he defended quickly, pulling me into one last hug and ruffling my hair. I chuckled as I pushed myself away and sorted it out again, while Jay watched on with a genuinely happy smile.

"Look after yourself, Bri," he said softly, making me pause for a moment as we watched each other. This was still the same Jay I had met a month ago; the guy who way too many bad qualities to even list anymore, but that was what made him who he was. Beneath it all, he really was quite decent, and cared just as much as the rest of them. He had definitely changed the way I thought about people.

"Thanks, Jay," I said honestly. He smiled at me hopefully, which brought the tears back to sting the back of my eyes, it finally sinking in completely. Though I wouldn't cry again. I didn't want to.

"Ready to go?" I heard Matt ask softly, much closer than I realised he was. I glanced to the side to see him cautiously standing, hands dug deep in his pockets and an unreadable expression on his face. I nodded slowly as our gaze met, before I looked over the group around me. My second family.

"Fuck this," Moose called out suddenly, gaining everyones confused attention. "Group hug!" He exclaimed loudly, just as his body bundled into mine. I laughed softly at his tight embrace around my waist, a little surprised when I felt other bodies following suit a minute later. I giggled as the heat instantly rose, five people considerably taller than myself all circled tightly around my body. I glanced up for a moment to catch every single face smiling down on me. Then I completely lost it.

"Oh my god, you guys," I started as I felt the tears building up, an ache in my chest growing despite the flawless smile on my face. Tears of happiness. I could deal with that.

"We love you, Bri!" I heard Kayla coo loudly from somewhere in the mass hug. I couldn't help but laugh happily as a few tears tumbled down my cheeks, unable to control myself. I heard the guys voices all mixing as they all repeated Kayla, along with their own last goodbyes.

Gradually I felt the knot of arms loosen around me, cooler air meeting my skin. I glanced around at all five smiling faces, just a hint of sadness in each. I grinned happily as I wiped the few stray tears from my cheeks.

"Bye, everyone," I stated weakly, not knowing what else to say. The all acknowledged me in their own way, before my gaze timidly fell onto Matt. He inclined his head towards the door, telling me what I already knew. I had to make the first move.

I waved as I slowly made my way back to the hall, my eyes soaking in everyones faces. Matt gradually followed after me as I finally turned away, walking out of the music room where I had first met everyone, and out into the cramped hall. I sighed to myself, not paying any attention as Matt closed the door back behind us and shut out the light again.

I glanced back as I felt a poke in my arm, my eyes falling on a jacket being handed my way from Matt. I looked between it and him for a moment before slowly taking it from his grasp.

"It's gotten colder since yesterday," he explained softly, making me nod in understanding as I instantly pulled the hoodie over my shirt, zipping it up to my chest. It was also little too long for me, almost managing to cover the shorts I was wearing. I glanced back up at Matt as we stopped beside the door. He sent me a half smile, before leaning past me and allowing the afternoon light to flood in from the doorway. I sighed inwardly, lowering my head to the ground as I stepped out into the open air.

+

"You know I have two of your hoodies now, right?" I asked as we turned another street through Bridgend. Me and Matt had somehow ended up taking a slight detour from my house as we just walked and talked. It was nice, though, but now we were now barely a few minutes from being back on track.

Matt chuckled softly, his gaze falling down on me. "I don't mind," he said with a shrug. "They probably suit you more anyway."

I raised an eyebrow as I scoffed. "Yeah, because me wearing a huge jacket that looks like I'm wearing nothing underneath is going to... Suit... me..." I trailed off slowly, realising what I was saying. That, of course, was the reason behind many men looking at me a little oddly through our walk. It really did make perfect sense, I just hadn't noticed before.

"I'll choose not to judge that statement," Matt said carefully, making me slap his arm playfully as he laughed at me. "What? You said it," he defended quickly, making me purse my lips stubbornly. He had a very valid point.

"Shush," I stated simply as I folded my arms across my chest, holding my head high as we continued travelling down the more quieter back streets. People only came down here if they lived around here, and evidently, I did.

I sighed to myself after a while, dropping my arms down to my side to swing about lazily. I could feel myself getting restless with the situation, my mind wandering back to what I was trying to block out.

"W-when do you guys leave, again?" I asked timidly, turning my gaze up to watch Matt's profile. I saw his expression harden just slightly.

"Wednesday. We're planning on heading out in the evening. Less traffic," he explained nonchalantly, as I nodded slowly. There would be no way I could get out of the house to see the guys again without my parents asking too many questions. I knew that from the start, but thinking about it made it worse.

"First gig?" I asked lightly, keeping the conversation moving.

"Friday night," Matt responded simply, looking down on me. He sent me a small smile, which I easily returned. I could see the hidden excitement in his eyes, which seemed to fill me with a little happiness. They'd never played a venue outside Wales before; they had barely even got to the border, and soon they'd be leaving our small little island altogether. That had to be the best feeling.

"You guys are going to be huge," I said confidently, believing my words. Matt grinned widely at me, wrapping an arm around my neck and tugging me into him. I smiled to myself as my arm wrapped around his waist.

"You're just saying that," he said lightly. "Because otherwise we'd kill you."

I scoffed. "Yeah right, you couldn't if you wanted to."

Matt looked thoughtful for a moment before frowning in defeat. "Now you're just abusing your power," he stated as he pursed his lips, making me raise an eyebrow at him. He smiled at me knowingly, his gaze raising away from mine and back to the street. I shook my head to myself before following suit, what met my eyes almost stopping me in my tracks. I hadn't realised we were on my road already.

"Fuck," I mumbled sadly, my gaze wandering the houses, and my own home amongst them. I hung my head as I took a deep breath, realisation hitting me hard and fast. No way in hell was I ready for this.

I heard a stifled chuckle beside me, making me raise my gaze back to Matt in question. "What?" I asked bluntly, looking at him accusingly. What had he found so funny in my moment of mental breakdown? Though I had to admit, it was creating a nice distraction.

"Nothing," he said easily, earning a glare from me. "Okay, so I don't think I've ever heard you swear quite as much in the past two days," he explained simply, making my glare drop immediately. He had a point. "So either, you're a stress curser, or we've been rubbing off on you," he finished. I grinned at him in surprise, remembering something I had almost forgotten. Matt was like me. He paid attention to the little things.

"You know, I'm not sure which it is," I said thoughtfully. "Maybe a bit of both."

Matt nodded slowly, his eyes falling down onto me. "Then I hope we've made a lasting impression," he said with a smirk, making me roll my eyes.

"And you do know stress turns you into Jay, right?" I countered with a grin, making Matt's expression instantly drop. It was true though; that cocky, arrogant side that all men possess had been shining through the past few days. Matt threw me a playful glare before it directed forward again. Mine followed suit, before that feeling of sadness hit me once more. We were outside my house.

Silence suddenly consumed us as I wandered my way up the path, tugging my key from my pocket while Matt followed close behind. I smoothly opened the door and wandered into the narrow hall, finally glancing back at Matt. He watched me somewhat curiously from the other side of the door. I smiled weakly to myself and turned away.

"You can come in, you know," I said quietly, wandering into the living room and dropping my key lazily on the coffee table. I turned back to see Matt shuffling nervously through the door, before closing it softly behind him. I rose an eyebrow, placing my hands on my hips as he stayed in the hall still watching me solemnly with questions in his eyes.

"Hey, why the long face, huh?" I chuckled, the smile on my face nothing short of plastic, as I sauntered back across to my friend. Matt allowed a fleeting smile to cross his face in return as he glanced to his feet. I bit my lip, moving to stand in front of him and tilting my body sideways to try and catch his gaze. After a moment Matt glanced up, his head still slightly bowed, yet an amused smile on his lips. I grinned as I stood back up to my full height, Matt doing the same.

We watched each other for a moment, the tension thick around us. Neither of us quite knew what to do, except exchange awkward smiles and glances. We both had our own ideas of how this would go, yet couldn't quite make them happen. In my case, it was nearly impossible. In my perfect world, Matt didn't leave.

I took a deep breath, gathering all of my confidence as I firmly sat my hands on Matt's shoulders. "C'mon, this is weird," I chuckled lightly, patting his shoulders somewhat awkwardly in an attempt to physically break the tension. Matt simply rose an eyebrow at me, a profound smile spreading across his lips. I whined lightly back at him, my hands sliding defeatedly down his chest and gripping lightly at his shirt as I stuck my bottom lip, yet again failing to understand the man in front of me.

My eyes widened slightly as I felt Matt lean forward against my hands, and before I realised it his lips had subtly ghosted against my own immobile ones, frozen in surprise. My eyes fluttered closed, mimicking his as he hovered beside me for a moment. A second later I felt Matt slowly moving back up to his full height, my eyes opening curiously to be met with his heavy gaze. My hands fell lifelessly back to my sides as I watched him, suddenly feeling a bubble of emotion swelling in my chest, containing every single feeling you could possibly own, bringing tears along with it to sting the back of my eyes.

"So, no words then, huh?" I almost whispered with a painful smile, my gaze timidly meeting with that of Matt's. He had nothing to say to me, because there was nothing to say. That was his view on how this would go.

Matt inclined his head, smiling weakly back at me. "No words," he confirmed softly. I smiled to myself as I shushed him, gently pressing two fingers to his lips, almost as if to play along with his own game. He noticed my motive, grinning behind my barrier as his eyes flickered away from mine and down to my fingers. His eyes rose back up to mine for a moment, a slightly daring look behind them which made me tilt my head in question. A moment later his eyes softly closed and he gently pressed a kiss to the sensitive skin, instantly sending a shock through my system. I swallowed nervously as Matt repeated the action, his bottom lip slowly and purposely pushing upwards, just as it always did against my own lips.

It took while for me to notice that Matt was subtly leaning into my hand, pushing it back towards me and once again closing the area of space between us. After a few more light kisses, my body well and truly melting, his eyes opened again, this time captivating my own as I watched him in some kind of fascination. I caught myself starting to guide him closer, making him have to step forward slightly to keep up with my now retracting hand.

I paused as my hand hovered centimeters from my lips, Matt's actions also stopping for a moment. His crystal eyes locked with mine as I slowly detached my fingers from his lips, letting my fingertips dance out across his cheek instead. I bit my lip timidly as I gradually maneuvered his face closer to mine, both of our eyelids falling closed our lips finally pressed together.

I helplessly sighed into the kiss as butterflies filled my body, my free hand moving to set on Matt's neck along with the other, pulling him into me. Matt's grip found itself on my waist as he gently moved me against him, every action that he made light and extremely precise in it's purpose. Just the slightest bit of pressure was added as Matt slowly started to coax my lips apart, still fusing all too perfectly and letting our breath mingle. Simultaneously we made to deepen the kiss, Matt's tongue meeting mine and wrapping them together, only just demanding dominance over my own. My grip around his neck tightened slightly as I felt my body start to weaken slightly, it feeling almost too good to be true. Too right. I had never known a guy who could make a kiss that sensual. They would never care enough to make it feel that way.

Before I had time to collect my own reaction or catch my footing, I felt Matt maneuver me around and push me gently back into the wall, his body pressing more tightly against mine. I inhaled deeply as my hands fell to rest on his upper arms, the subtle muscles tense beneath the contact. Matt moved his head back slightly, our gaze meeting and bringing me back to reality, if just for a moment. My gaze danced over his features, almost trying to commit them to memory. I didn't want to forget a single thing about him. I didn't want to forget the way he made me feel, no matter how much it would hurt to remember.

After a moment he leaned down, much more slowly, allowing me more time to desperately soak him in. One the other hand, the anticipation he was presenting was killing me. I finally surrendered to him as his nose finally rested beside mine, my eyes fluttering closed in response to his doing the same.

"Sorry," Matt breathed against my skin, before his lips pressed firmly back against mine. It was that moment that all attempts to preserve Matt in my memory fled. This moment was just for now, and for us.

My fingers trailed up his arms and slipped back round to the back of his neck, allowing us to be just that bit closer. Matt's hands had already dropped to my thighs, slowly snaking their way up underneath his hoodie, being sure to take his time as his finger crawled up my sides to create notable shudders through my body. My heart pounding in my chest was making it difficult to breath just as I felt Matt's tongue beg for entrance again. A moment before I was only to happy to oblige, the contact broke for a split second, Matt inhaling sharply as my hands worked their way up through his hair, tugging lightly at the dyed strands.

"I love it when you do that," he mumbled gruffly into my lips, the hoard of butterflies being singed by the fire rushing through me, before Matt's lips pressed themselves a little more roughly back onto mine. His tone had turned so low, and only just slightly breathless, being enough to tell me the time for being careful and making a perfect moment had already left with his own burning want. I smiled inwardly and somewhat painfully as his words sunk into me, regret creeping through me.

"I'm sure any other girl can have the same effect," I replied quietly with a hint of sorrow, mentally trying to stop this attachment that only ever seemed to be growing. I needed to be letting him go, not this. Not falling deeper than ever before. I felt Matt slowly pause as our lips hovered beside each other, suddenly struck by my words. He moved his head back just enough so that my eyes slowly opened, my sight returning from lost in darkness.

"No," Matt mumbled firmly, his eyes meeting mine, heavy with lust. "Just you," he breathed softly, causing goosebumps to travel down my spine. I could have sworn my racing heart skipped at beat as I drowned further than I thought possible. Somehow I believed him with every part of my senses, but it didn't stop my eyes starting to sting from the tears. I just didn't want to be left here all alone. It took that much for me to realise this moment would never be enough. No amount of preserving the memory could stop that.

My gaze strayed from Matt's as my hands moved to slowly trail down his cheeks, my fingers lightly skimming the skin and capturing my attention. I could feel his eyes watching me intently at the almost calm nature that had swept through me, my body mentally trying to come to terms with everything. Something that was very real, and somewhat uncontrollable.

I turned my eyes up to meet with that ocean gaze I knew I would instantly drown in, not evening fighting to reach the surface. Matt seemed to hesitate just slightly, before he bowed his head to place a few kisses on my neck, and then moved back up to press a kiss to my forehead, exhaling deeply. His breathing continued to come heavy and slow, trying to reach the same calm point I had. His efforts alone to that brought the tears closer to falling. The one who always cared.

I lowered my head and leaned forward, placing my head against Matt's chest as I tried to hold the tears in. He stepped back slightly, his hands moving out of the hoodie before wrapping tightly around me and hugging me against him. I felt the tears starting to slide down my cheeks, sobs escaping my lips and shaking my body as I was enveloped by his tall frame. Matt slowly rubbed my back, soft words starting to meet my ears.

"It's okay," he whispered into my hair, as I gently pulled myself back and roughly wiped my cheeks. "I know," he added, lightly as I wrapped my arms back around his body, hugging him tightly to me as I attempted to sniff back my tears.

"C'mon," I heard after a few moments, as I felt his arms fall from around me. I watched back up at him through my blurry eyes, as he stepped back and grasped my hand.

"Matt, what-" I started to ask, puzzled as he started leading me into the living room. I rubbed my eyes to clear them as he started guiding me across to the middle of the room, in front of the sofa. I watched him puzzled as he glanced back at me with a warm smile, before letting himself fall onto the cushions. I smiled at him in a slight state of disbelief as he grinned up at me, arms extended towards me. I timidly climbed onto the sofa beside him, still watching him in ever confusion. What was he planning?

Matt chuckled softly as he looked over me awkwardly sitting beside him, before taking my hands and guiding me closer. "Lay down," he said comfortingly, and like it was the most obvious thing in the world. A confused smile was still claiming my lips before I very slowly shuffled down the sofa, and lightly placed my head in Matt's lap. His fingers instantly started trailing down my side as I saw the TV flicker to life in front of me. He had apparently just decided he would be staying a while.

"I'll come by before we leave," Matt started after a few silent minutes, my head turning to glance up at him. His eyes were focused on the screen that was flickering between light and darkness, as he searched through the channels. "Make sure you're okay."

His gaze suddenly fell down onto me as I turned onto my back, my eyes carefully watching Matt, having no interest in the TV. "You don't have-" I started, only to be silenced as Matt pushed a finger to my lips. I paused for a second as I watched him, before he smiled down at me warmly, and pushed the hair away from my face.

"I'm going to," he said lightly, before his gaze returned back to the TV. I frowned a little as my eyes remained focus on him in our silence.

"Don't leave," I whispered quietly, making Matt pause before his gaze fell back to me. His eyes swam with mine somewhat guilty, but I couldn't help but say it. It was the only thing I could think about.

"Come with us," he responded quietly, making my heart drop as my own guilt sunk in. Matt seemed to notice as his hand fell to rest on my stomach, first sliding under the thick hoodie before drawing comforting circles on the skin.

"I can't," I mumbled, knowing his answer was the same. He couldn't stay, and I couldn't leave. That was what it came down to, no matter which side was the guilty party. It was both of our faults in a way. The way it should be, I think.

Before I had noticed it Matt's attention was back on the flashing screen. I frowned to myself, something in me suddenly wanting to have all his attention. As nice as this was, it would be the last opportunity we'd ever have to spend time together.

I raised my hand closest to Matt up, running a thumb along his jawline. I felt him move slightly into my contact, as I ran my fingers down his neck and over chest, lightly letting my nails drag on the skin. I saw his Adam's apple move as he swallowed hard, making me smile to myself as his gaze fell down onto me.

I felt him lightly pinch the skin on my stomach in retaliation as he glared playfully at me. "You are not helping the sexual tension in this house," he said pointedly with a knowing grin, making me bite my lip instantly, a visible blush creeping on my cheeks. He was right, the air was thick with a lot of emotions, but I never quite thought he'd word it that way.

"And who's fault is that?" I asked lightly as I reached up to the collar of his shirt and tugged at it lightly, deciding to play along. Matt raised his eyebrows as I pulled him down until he was leaning over me, apparently surprised by my comment though not put off by it.

"Not mine," he whispered with a smirk, once he had regained his composure. I smiled as I leaned upwards and lightly kissed his lips before setting back down on his lap.

"Sure, not because Jay has nothing on you or anything," I said with a fake light sigh, turning my head to the TV and appearing uninterested by our conversation.

I heard Matt chuckle shortly, before he leaned a little closer, his free hand sweeping the hair from my neck. "Nothing, huh? That good?" He breathed confidently into my ear, my eyes fluttering closed as he started trailing kisses down my neck.

"No, he was just that bad," I retorted lightly, a grin edging it's way across my lips as I said it. I heard Matt gasp as he pinched my stomach again, making me squirm in response. I turned my head back up to through him a fake glare, just my eyes widened at surprise at shivers ran through me at Matt's next move. He had tucked the very tips of his fingers underneath the waist band of my shorts.

"Don't make me play dirty," he whispered as his face hovered above mine. I tried to hide the slight air of panic I could feel myself trying to keep at bay, my body suddenly tense under his touch. Although I knew his threat was empty, it was still something that had me bound.

Matt's expression softened as his eyes danced between mine, before lightly pressing a kiss to my lips. His hand slipped out completely from under the hoodie, reaching for mine lying idle at my side. I smiled into the kiss as his fingers linked with mine, in his way of an unsure apology. He hadn't stepped over the mark, but he wasn't far off. On the other hand, I had asked for it to begin with. Matt had just made the boundaries for us.

"Won't the guys wonder where you've got to?" I asked softly, realising just how long we could stay like this. Matt smiled softly at me, his eyes still locked with mine.

"They know where I am," he said simply. "I'm with you," he stated, somehow making me melt all over again. Such an obvious answer, but said in such a complex way. Hiding and exposing all at the same time, in just the tone of his voice. Enough to make him a little too perfect to believe.

After a moment Matt slowly moved back, sitting up straight again and focusing his attention back on the flickering TV, and the early evening comedy show running on screen. I watched him for a moment before closing my eyes lightly, content with this moment as our last real time together. We'd reached the borders of everything we could be, or feel for the other. I was happy that we got that far. But when it came to the issue of how I was going to put all this behind me at the end of it all? I had no clue.