If I Die Young

By midnight, the party was full swing and seemed that it made stay that way for hours if not the whole night. I sipped on my beer while looking out to the dance floor that used to be the living room. We had pushed back all the furniture to the wall to make room for people and the DJ. I spotted Jamie dancing with some guy I’ve never seen before. She had changed out of her flannel shirt and into a short plain white shirt. It rode up every time she moved, letting you see her hip piercings and the tattoo she had on the side of her hip of some Latin word she thought was a good representation of who she was. The guy she was dancing with looking like a lion on the prowl and Jamie was his prey. He had pure lust in his eyes. It made me mad.

I looked around to see what the others were doing. I found Zack cheering on some guy doing a keg stand. Alec was making out with some girl in the corner. No surprise there. They looked like they won’t even make it up to his room. Jackson was chatting with some old friends of his from college. He had invited them because they were in town. I turned my attention to Jamie again. I smiled when I located a smile on her face, too. She stopped me staring and motioned for me to come join her. I shook my head no. Jamie made a fake pout, crossing her arms. The guy who she was dancing with looked at her funny when she stopped dancing, but turned around to the next girl and started grinding with her. Jamie didn’t noticed as she made her way toward me.

“Come on, I want to see that booty shakin’.” Jamie screamed over the music as she pulled me to where she was dancing before.

“No, you don’t. It’s pretty bad. Some people even say that they’re scared from seeing me dance,” I screamed back, trying to get my hand out of her grip.

She laughed, throwing her head back. I loved when I made her laugh. She kept dragging me with her, despite laughing.

“It can’t be that bad.”

“It is. Just trust me.”

“How about I make you a deal?” Jamie stopped right before the makeshift dance floor. “If you dance three songs with me, I’ll let you show me what I have to stay here for.”

“Two?”

“Nope it has to be three.” She’s stubborn. I should have known better than to negotiate with her.

“Fine.” I stop letting her dragging me and actually walked.

I grabbed her hips that had already started swaying. She placed her hands on top of mine. Her eyes were closed and a smile was on her face. I really didn’t pay attention to what was going on or how long we’ve been dancing. I was just looking at her. Jamie was lost in the music and didn’t seem to notice anything at all. I don’t think she would have notice if I left. She was so into dancing. The song ended. I seemed to be the only one that was counting between the two of us.

“It’s been three songs,” I whispered in her ear.

Her eyes slowly opened to look at mine. “Ok,” she said.

“Let’s go outside. I’m getting a headache with the loud music.” I grabbed her arm, pulling her behind me now.

She sat down beside on the porch. We didn’t say anything for a long time. It was comfortable silence. We usually had those. We would just enjoy each other’s company.

“Why did you tell me?” I asked the one question that was weighing down on my mind.

“Tell you what?” Jamie asked back, looking confused.

“That you thought you’re going to die young. Why did you tell me and not one of the guys? We’ve only known each other for a few years. You’ve known the Jackson pretty much your whole life. Why not tell him?”

“I don’t know.” She shrugged, looking down at the ground. I could tell her lips were in a tight line which meant she was thinking. Jamie let out a sigh before speaking. “I know this may sound weird but I trust you more than the guys. Don’t tell them that.” She turned to me. “I had to tell someone. I guess I wanted to tell you.”

I nodded in understanding. I looked out to the night sky.

“Why don’t you call me Moose like everyone else?” Jamie slipped her hand into mine.

“I just think Jamie fits you better than Moose. And who wants to be like everyone else?”

She laughed, looking back to the night sky.

“What do you think is up there?”

“Stars, the moon, the sun, and all that other crap, I guess. What do you think?”

“Heaven. I think it will be beautiful. Up there, you’ll have everything you need.”

“Or that.” She laughed again, looking at me.

“Do you believe in God?”

“I don’t know. I’m still trying to figure that out.”

“How long have you’ve been trying to figure that out?”

“Since I was in high school.” I looked at her. “Why are you asking?”

“I’m trying to figure you out.”

“Yeah, what have you figured out about me?” I raised an eyebrow.

“You play with your curls when you’re nervous. You like to blend into the back then stand out in the crowd. You smoke when you’re stress and you hate when people judge you by one look.”

“That’s pretty good.” Our faces were pretty close right now.

“It’s nothing. Anyone can figure that out.” She shrugged and bit her lip. Jamie was nervous about how close our faces were.

“Nah, I think it’s cool. I couldn’t do it.” Our faces got closer. I was moving closer to her without realizing.

“Thanks.”

She was still her biting her lip. She looked up to meet my glaze. I moved closer to where our breaths could be felt on each other’s lips. I moved the hand she was holding to cup her cheek. Jamie closed her eyes, ready for what was coming next. I pressed my lips gently against hers. I don’t know what came over me. Sure, I liked Jamie for years now but I never would have acted on it. I guess being close her not just physically helps me get over that. Jamie moved her free hand to the back of my neck, deepening the kiss. Her fingers were tangled in my dark curls.

“Moose,” A voice called. It was near us.