If I Die Young

“Jamie, I’m sorry,” I said banging against her door. “Come on, talk to me.”

It’s been two days since I kissed her on the dock and she hasn’t come out of her room. The only person who she’s let in is Jackson. I keep asking him to tell me what she says but he won’t, telling me she’ll say something when she’s ready.

“Please, Jamie, I’m dying here. Just tell me what’s on you mind.” I rested my head on her door. I hoped to hear her moving toward the door but once again I got nothing. “I’m sorry Jamie. Tell me what I'm supposed to do to make you forgive me.”

The door knob turned and I jumped back trying to regain my composure. Jamie appeared in the doorway wearing her old ratty sweatpants. Her hair was up in a bun and her face was emotionless.

“Leave me alone,” she said softly. “Just don’t talk to me.”

Before I could say anything, Jamie closed the door in my face. I sighed. My chance was slowly slipping from me. I turned to go back downstairs but turned back around when I heard the door opened again. I hoped that Jamie was telling me to forget everything she just said.

“Oh, and the deal is off. I don’t want to know what your special places are. Save them for another girl,” Jamie said, sticking her head out before shutting the door again.

My heart sank. There went my chance.

≈

“Party time!” Zack screamed as he tried to run through the already crowded house.

It was even midnight and the house was packed. Jackson had decided to throw another party. I knew he was hoping that this would somehow bring Jamie and I back together but I knew it wasn’t going to work. I didn’t have the heart to tell him. I watched as everyone seemed to have the best time of their lives. All expect for me, that is. I didn’t feel like partying not with Jamie pissed off at me.

“Oh come on, Scottie, get excited,” Alec said, wrapped his arm around my shoulder.

“I don’t really feel like it,” I replied back.

“Is it because of Moose?”

I glared at Alec. How dare he bring that up. My fist clenched at my side as I tried to restrain from punching him. I felt another hand on my shoulder but it wasn’t Alec’s. I turned around to see Jackson, smiling at me.

“I think you should find your next victim, Alec,” Jackson said making him run off to find the drunkest girl in the room.

“Thanks man.”

“Don’t thank me yet.”

I looked at Jackson confused until he nodded over to where a certain red head was. Jamie was talking to some guy that looked like he was the star football player in high school and still keeps the cocky attitude that came with it. I looked to Jackson with a sad expression. He had me a beer.

“Thanks man,” I said again; this time meaning it.

“He’s name is Andrew. He goes to college with that football player Zack threw a shoe at last week,” Jackson explained, knowing that I would want to know everything about this guy Jamie had suddenly had interest in. “Personally, I think Moose could do better. She needs someone who understands her; someone like you.”

I was caught off guard. I knew Jackson kind of liked the idea of me and Jamie but I never knew he preferred me over all those other guys.

“Well she doesn’t want me,” I stated, gaining my composure.

“Did you beg for her forgiveness?” He looked to me; his brown eyes staring me down with every word he spoke.

“Yes, for the last two days. All she did was poke her head out and said to leave her alone. What else am I supposed to do?”

“Keep begging. She’ll come around. Like I said before, Moose is just a little stubborn.” I raised my eyebrow at his comment. Jackson laughed. “Ok, she’s the most stubborn person I have ever met but she’ll find out for herself that she needs you. It’s just a matter of time.”

I sighed, knowing that Jackson was right. He always was. I just didn’t want to wait that long. Who knows what Jamie would do by then? The thing about Jamie is that when she gets mad, she does anything to try to get rid of her anger. This only leads her to do stupid things she should regret but since she doesn’t believe in regrets doesn’t.

“You’re right. You’re always right,” I said quietly. I wasn’t sure that Jackson heard me over the music playing loudly in the house.

Jackson finally got bored with me just standing there and went off to find his old college buds he had invited. I stood there watching Jamie lead that guy to dance. I couldn’t take watching them dance together. I finished my beer and went out to smoke. I didn’t want to be on the porch, knowing that Jamie might come out there. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to talk to her but I just didn’t want to come face to face with her. Or the guy she was with.

“Hey, do you want to do something tomorrow?” I heard a deep voice asked after I finished my cigarette.

“Sure, I’ve got nothing to do tomorrow. What did you have in mind?” a female voice replied. It took me a while but I knew it was Jamie’s voice. That meant that the other voice was the guy’s she was with.

“Dinner and a movie.”

“Sure.” I could practically see her shrug.

Shrugging meant that Jamie didn’t really like that idea. And I knew for a fact that Jamie hates dinner dates. She thinks they’re awkward and cliché.

“Great, I guess I’ll see you at seven.”

I heard him walk off. I decided to come out from my hiding spot. I didn’t know if Jamie was going to talk to me or not. She might hit because I heard the conversation.

“What are you doing here, Scott?” Jamie asked me as I stepped out of the shadows.

“Smoking,” I said, shrugging.

“Whatever. Just stay away from me.” She turned to go back inside.

“Jamie,” I called for her, making her turn around. “Is that guy what you want? Is he want you’re going to settle for? He just asked you on a dinner date which is something you hate. What are you doing?”

“I’m living my life. Do the same, Scott.”

“And what? Pretend that there wasn’t something there when we kissed. That this guy, Andy or whatever, is the guy you want. If that’s what you call living, fine, go ahead live but you might end up with your first regret.”

“Screw you.”

“He might be what you think you want. But when you’re done with getting out all your anger, you’ll find that he’s nothing but a washed up high school star. You throw him away. You can pretend all you want that you like him. But you don’t. You never will.” I walked passed her, on my way back inside. “And Jamie, I’m not sorry I kissed you. I’m sorry it upset you that I kissed you.”

Jamie didn’t say anything as I walked back inside. I left her with the words I just said and her own thoughts. Now it was time for her to come to her own senses.