Confessions to My Past

On January 23rd , early morning, my water broke and the labour pains started with such ferocity, it knocked the air out of me.
“Bad timing, sweetie, really bad timing.” I gasped for air. Panic suddenly gripped me tight: I wasn’t ready to be a mother, for God’s sake! I wasn’t even sure I would stand through birth, I mean, what the hell!
“Okay, one thing after the other.” I forced myself to keep breathing. I dragged myself to the phone and called Amy, who was working the early morning shift in a nearby clothing store. “Amy. Baby. Now.”
“Oh my God!” She squeaked. “I’ll be there in five.”
I let out a groan as another wave of contractions hit me. It felt like my whole body was on fire. I changed clothes and then waited for Amy to arrive. She did, finally, with screeching tires.
The front door flew open. “I’m here!” She cried. I think she was more excited than I was. Of course, I might just have been too busy not passing out from pain to actually feel any happy excitement.
“Have you called Dean yet?” Amy asked as she raced through the streets.
“Tried. Didn’t pick up, I left a message.”
“Does he ever have his phone switched on?!”
“Amy, he’s on a hunt, so he’s not exactly available on call.” Why he had to take this hunt was another question – then again, the doctor had set the date for the birth four days from now. “Hey, Amy.”
“Mhm?”
“If I pass out, tell them to give me every damn pain medications they have and give them the name of my baby, too.”
She looked at me sympathetically. “That bad?”
I suppressed a groan. “You have no idea.”
Under the layer of pain, the same thoughts kept circling in my mind: I can’t do this, I’m not ready, how the hell is this supposed to work…
I wasn’t quite sure if I maybe should be glad that I passed out.

*****

When Josie woke up, first thing she realized was that her belly was flat. She last remembered a nurse telling her to push, then everything went black.
‘God, let everything be okay with our baby…’ She forced her eyes open and sat up, barely noticing the dull ache in her body.
“Whoa, slow down, love.”
She felt a strong, warm hand on her shoulder, heard the familiar deep voice she loved so much.
“Dean, is everything-“
Dean sat down on the edge of her bed, whereby it was more of leaning. “Josie, darling. Everything’s just fine.” Josie had never seen him smile so perfectly content and happy. The corners of his eyes creased as he smiled at her and said: “I’m so proud of you, love.”
“Our son…”
“They’ll bring him now.”
“What day is it?”
Dean had put an arm around Josie’s shoulder. “Tuesday, 25th. You were out for one day.” Dean beamed even brighter. “You gave birth two minutes past midnight.”
“So…”
“Nate’s birthday and mine are on the same day.”
“Quite a timing.” Josie smiled, loving the sound of Dean talking of their son. “When did you get here?”
“Yesterday, just in time for the birth.”
“Well, at least, one of us was present…”
A nurse came in, pushing a little trolley with their son in. Smiling at Josie, she said: “Congratulations, Ms Hepburn. You have a beautiful baby boy.” She left them alone again, and Dean bent down and picked up his son in his arms.
He couldn’t even begin to describe how incredible a feeling it was, being a father. He would have never thought he would ever be allowed to have this kind of happiness.
Josie’s eyes watered when she saw Dean with their son. After all their fights, after all the pain and worries, after the war, stopping the apocalypse, they finally had what they wanted and had both lost: A family.
Dean carefully handed their son over to Josie, who took him and rested him against her chest.
‘Holy crap, Josie, you’re a mother.’ The realization hit hard, but in a good way. Somehow Josie was happy, and not scared at all anymore.
Nathaniel was the most beautiful thing she’d ever seen (yes, she knew that all parents thought that way), and having him stare up at her happily (as far as babies could express happiness) filled her heart with long-lost warmth. It felt as if the hole her family’s death had ripped was beginning to mend.
Josie carefully stroked Nate’s tiny, soft cheek. He reached out an arm and gripped her finger tightly with his hand.
“Can you believe this?” Josie smiled at Dean. “Us, parents?”
Dean smiled back at her. “Not really. But I was never more willing to believe the unbelievable.”