Status: alive and well :)
Moth to Flame
choices
We stop in California. I guess we’d been headed this way the whole time, and I never really realized it. Maybe I’d known on a subconscious level, but… I don’t know. I guess I just feel happy because even though the state is so overpopulated, I feel sort of free. Like I can do whatever I want and be whoever I want to be because everything is new.
It doesn’t matter who I was in high school or what I did to get here. All that matters is that I’m here and I can start over. Clean.
“You like it, babe?” Oscar asks me, draping an arm over my shoulder. He pulls me into his side and kisses my hair.
I nod, taking in a deep breath before allowing myself to take in the view of the coast; the water breaking over the shore only to flow back to wherever it had come from. “Yeah,” I tell him, exhaling. “I do.”
“You look happy,” He notes, looking down at me. “I haven’t seen you smile this much in… I don’t know, I feel like I’ve never seen you like this.”
There’s certain sadness in his voice that I choose to ignore because I don’t want it to bring me down. I know he’s wondering if he’s ever made me this happy or if he’s even capable of doing so. I know he’s wondering if I’ll want to leave him once I see everything the world has to offer. Now that we’re out of that shit hole excuse for a town… I know he’s wondering if I even need him anymore.
The truth is, I don’t know.
“I think I’m just glad we’re here now.” I look up at him and smile before leaning up and kissing his cheek. “I’m gonna go wake Gerard up.”
Gerard is laid out in the back seat, his mouth slightly agape, as small snores fill the air. I laugh lightly to myself as I lean through the space between the two front seats and poke at his side.
“Gee?”
He shifts a little before getting comfortable once more.
I poke him again, this time a little harder. “Gee.”
“What?” He mumbles, rubbing at his eyes. “I’m trying to sleep, man.”
“We’re here.”
He cracks an eye open. “Where?”
I smile. “California.”
He sits up a little, his eyes still looking a little sleepy. He yawns and rubs his face a little bit before raking his fingers through his disheveled hair. “Okay… that’s great, Frankie.”
I climb into the backseat with him. “Aren’t you glad? We can start over here. Everything is fresh. I thought you of all people would be happy about that.”
Gerard shrugs. “I don’t know... I’m not too concerned with starting over. I haven’t been concerned about anything in a while.” He looks to me and smiles. “But I’m glad you’re happy. “
“I am happy,” I tell him.
We’re both quiet for a while until Gerard’s hand finds my own and he laces our fingers together. He lifts our hands, kissing my knuckles. “How about you and I start over,” he says. “Here. In California. We could find a place and get jobs and… I don’t know. “
I look at him and smile, looking through the windshield to make sure Oscar couldn’t see us before I kissed his lips. “I’d like to…” I start, drawing in a deep breath. “But… Oscar…”
We’d been doing this sneaking around thing for a few weeks. It seemed that as each day went by, Gerard became more and more anxious to just put it all out there and allow the chips to fall where they may. He was growing tired of holding my hand after the sun had gone down and Oscar was fast asleep in the car or whatever hotel we were staying in. I couldn’t blame him though; I was tired of lying too. However, telling the truth, being brutally honest, that meant killing Oscar. I simply couldn’t do that.
Gerard sighs, releasing my hand. “I knew this was a bad idea,” he said. “Doing this was wrong and I knew it from the moment you asked me about it.”
“You know I can’t hurt him, Gee. I love him too much.”
“Obviously not as much as you think considering the fact that you’re sneaking around with me,” He replies with a sarcastic laugh. “I know it may seem like I don’t care or… I don’t know… whatever, but I do. And while it may kill Oscar to find out about all of this, it kills me just as much to see you with him.”
I frown because I don’t know what to say. I saw California and thought it would be amazing. I thought I’d get a fresh start and the opportunity to be completely happy, but instead I’m sitting in the car feeling like the world is crumbling all around me. But I suppose that in order to have the fresh start I’m looking for I have to be honest and put whatever life I was living before behind me.
“You have to make a choice, Frank,” Gerard says as he opens the door and steps out of the car.
It doesn’t matter who I was in high school or what I did to get here. All that matters is that I’m here and I can start over. Clean.
“You like it, babe?” Oscar asks me, draping an arm over my shoulder. He pulls me into his side and kisses my hair.
I nod, taking in a deep breath before allowing myself to take in the view of the coast; the water breaking over the shore only to flow back to wherever it had come from. “Yeah,” I tell him, exhaling. “I do.”
“You look happy,” He notes, looking down at me. “I haven’t seen you smile this much in… I don’t know, I feel like I’ve never seen you like this.”
There’s certain sadness in his voice that I choose to ignore because I don’t want it to bring me down. I know he’s wondering if he’s ever made me this happy or if he’s even capable of doing so. I know he’s wondering if I’ll want to leave him once I see everything the world has to offer. Now that we’re out of that shit hole excuse for a town… I know he’s wondering if I even need him anymore.
The truth is, I don’t know.
“I think I’m just glad we’re here now.” I look up at him and smile before leaning up and kissing his cheek. “I’m gonna go wake Gerard up.”
Gerard is laid out in the back seat, his mouth slightly agape, as small snores fill the air. I laugh lightly to myself as I lean through the space between the two front seats and poke at his side.
“Gee?”
He shifts a little before getting comfortable once more.
I poke him again, this time a little harder. “Gee.”
“What?” He mumbles, rubbing at his eyes. “I’m trying to sleep, man.”
“We’re here.”
He cracks an eye open. “Where?”
I smile. “California.”
He sits up a little, his eyes still looking a little sleepy. He yawns and rubs his face a little bit before raking his fingers through his disheveled hair. “Okay… that’s great, Frankie.”
I climb into the backseat with him. “Aren’t you glad? We can start over here. Everything is fresh. I thought you of all people would be happy about that.”
Gerard shrugs. “I don’t know... I’m not too concerned with starting over. I haven’t been concerned about anything in a while.” He looks to me and smiles. “But I’m glad you’re happy. “
“I am happy,” I tell him.
We’re both quiet for a while until Gerard’s hand finds my own and he laces our fingers together. He lifts our hands, kissing my knuckles. “How about you and I start over,” he says. “Here. In California. We could find a place and get jobs and… I don’t know. “
I look at him and smile, looking through the windshield to make sure Oscar couldn’t see us before I kissed his lips. “I’d like to…” I start, drawing in a deep breath. “But… Oscar…”
We’d been doing this sneaking around thing for a few weeks. It seemed that as each day went by, Gerard became more and more anxious to just put it all out there and allow the chips to fall where they may. He was growing tired of holding my hand after the sun had gone down and Oscar was fast asleep in the car or whatever hotel we were staying in. I couldn’t blame him though; I was tired of lying too. However, telling the truth, being brutally honest, that meant killing Oscar. I simply couldn’t do that.
Gerard sighs, releasing my hand. “I knew this was a bad idea,” he said. “Doing this was wrong and I knew it from the moment you asked me about it.”
“You know I can’t hurt him, Gee. I love him too much.”
“Obviously not as much as you think considering the fact that you’re sneaking around with me,” He replies with a sarcastic laugh. “I know it may seem like I don’t care or… I don’t know… whatever, but I do. And while it may kill Oscar to find out about all of this, it kills me just as much to see you with him.”
I frown because I don’t know what to say. I saw California and thought it would be amazing. I thought I’d get a fresh start and the opportunity to be completely happy, but instead I’m sitting in the car feeling like the world is crumbling all around me. But I suppose that in order to have the fresh start I’m looking for I have to be honest and put whatever life I was living before behind me.
“You have to make a choice, Frank,” Gerard says as he opens the door and steps out of the car.
♠ ♠ ♠
an update. They will grow a little scarce since I'm moving away for school in a little over a week and I have to start packing and all that junk. So.. yeah. I'll do my best. There are only about two, maybe three, chapters left though.Hope you enjoyed
In the mean time: one-shot?