The Secret Website

BILLIE'S POV

I was so nervous... But why was I so nervous?

I had no idea why I had agreed on going over to Mike's, leaving Tre just standing there... what would he think of me, now?

I'm such a dumbass... Billie, you IDIOT! You finally find out the guy you've always loved is in love with you, too, and what do you do? You walk out! What if it was you? What if it was you who's now left standing there, just after you've told someone you loved them, and they walk away without saying anything?!

"Earth to Billie?"

I heard Mike's distant voice reaching my ears and I was brought back to reality by his waving hand.

"Yeah, sorry, just thinking."

"About what?" He asked, sitting down on the couch. I'm glad he has a t-shirt on.

"No, it's nothing."

Silence fell between us. I'm starting to hate these moment of silence, you never know what the other's thinking and your brain gets filled with unwanted thoughts. Like how cute Mike looks. NOT! He's just good looking and I'm thinking that because I'm his friend and... and he got the guts to kiss me, which I'd have never been able to do with Tre. Yeah, that's it.

"Billie, are you alright?"

"Uh, what?" Shit, I was lost again in my thoughts.

"You seem thoughtful."

"I am." I admitted. Lying is useless with your best friend.

He opened his mouth to say something, probably on the lines of "You fancy telling me?", but I got there first.

"So, Mike, how come did you call me? You sounded like you had something urgent to tell me." Ok, take it easy Billie, you're doing good.

He blushed. Haha he blushed! Poor Mike, he must be really embarassed. Well, I'd be, too.

"Y-yeah, actually, I... um..." He was looking around, not at me, playing with his hands, which gave away the fact that he was nervous as hell. I'll admit I was too.

Suddenly I felt like I did the wrong thing, I didn't have to come here to Mike's, I was supposed to stay at home, I was supposed to talk to Tre, sort things out, tell him how much I loved him too, tell him just how much he means to me, even show him how much I loved him. I was longing to be with Tre, and now I was stuck with another man, who just happens to be in love with me, that's great!

I had to go away from there, and go back home before it was too late.

"Listen, Mike... I think we both know the reason of your phonecall." His head shot up and looked at me, his eyes lighting up with... hope. No, Mike, don't hope, I'd only break your heart, and I don't want to.

"Mike, don't give me that look, it's hard enough to tell what I'm going to tell..." He looked hurt now, and looked down.

I brought my hand to his face and made him look into my eyes again.

"Mike, I'm sorry. I really am. I don't want to hurt you, I really don't. I never meant things to be this way, it's hurting the three of us."

"Three?" He asked, kind of shocked.

"Listen... let me talk, please." He lifted his left hand and put it on mine, which was still on his cheek.

"I know how you feel... but I'm really really sorry. I just don't feel the same way."

That. I told him. Finally. But I had hurt him more that I thought, and now he was crying.

With my other hand I wiped away his tears, and put my forehead on his.

"Please... don't cry. I do love you, just... not the way you love me."

"You think that helps?" He said, not looking at me.

"Billie... you're my everything. I would be less that no one without you. I know you love Tre, I know, and you have no idea of how much this hurts. Seeing your eyes sparkling when you looked at him or just talked to him tore my heart in thousands little pieces. I can't take it anymore."

Now it was me the one who kept silent and just listened.

"Billie... I love you more than words can say."

"Stop, please stop!" I put my hands over my ears, I didn't wanna hear it, I broke his heart once, I didn't want to do that again. Mike forced my hands away.

"Billie, whatever you're thinking just say it! Don't you dare to just leave me here and walk away after I've just told you my feelings, that'd kill anybody!"

That was a stab in the heart. That'd kill anybody! I did that to Tre. I killed Tre's feelings. I'm... If I don't fix this, I don't know how I can survive without him...

"Mike, for God's sake, I don't love you that way, alright?! Just cut it out!" I half yelled.

He froze. His icy eyes pierced mine and I knew I did the wrong thing. AGAIN.

"No... Mike, I didn't mean to be that harsh, I'm sorry!"

"That's what you think? You know you meant what you said."

"Mike, please, I seriously didn't mean to be that hard on you, I... you're my best friend and I love you as such... I don't want to ruin our friendship. I really don't."

He just stared at me, tears in his eyes, and I could see through them, see his broken heart, and it broke me too.

I never meant this to happen.

We just stared into each other's eyes for what seemed like hours, until I remembered who I'd left home...

I jumped up, I had to go home. Not a second after I stood up, Mike followed me to the door, and before I could open it, he pushed me against it and turned me around.

It was an unforgettable second, the one that followed. That moment, when we looked into each other's eyes for the 100th time, we knew we were one. Our souls were one. We thought together, we felt together. And then he kissed me.

It all happened fast at first, and I was shocked when I realised that his lips were on mine, and deep down I knew he wasn't gonna pull away this time. And surprisingly I was right.

I had these mixed feelings inside of me, but what really counted right then was me and him together. For the first time since I walked through his front door, I did the right thing: I kissed him back.

It was soft, tender, loving... I felt something I've never felt before when his tounge brushed lightly against my lip, begging me to let him in. And I did. I let him explore my mouth, and God, was I enjoying it.

He pushed my body more against the door, creating a friction I didn't want but liked.

Mike, look what you're doing to me! You're driving me insane

He moved again, and I let out a moan which wasn't supposed to be heard.

I finally felt I was truly happy, right then, with him, but guys, I've never been so wrong.