The Secret Website

"Stop... please stop" I tried to say in between our rough kisses.

"Mike..." he wouldn't let go.

"Mike!" I finally managed to break the hug, and properly look at him.

He was crying. He was fucking crying. He had... guilt and sadness in his eyes.

"Why are you crying now?" I whispered, wiping away one of his tears.

"Because..." He looked away.

"Because I know, deep down, that we'll never be together. I'm sorry for what I just did, it was wrong."

He turned around, and we stayed like that for a few seconds. I could hear him crying, and it hurt, because I knew I had caused it.

"But I kissed you back, Mike..." I whispered, more to myself. He slowly turned again to face me.

"So what does this mean?"

"I don't know..." and I meant it. I really didn't know why I kissed him back, the moment we broke the kiss I knew we weren't made for each other. I was already in love. That reminds me...

"What do you mean you don't know?"

"That I don't know. Mike, I really don't. You're right, it was wrong, we shouldn't have kissed... I mean..."

I've said the wrong thing. The moment those words came out of my mouth, I heard his heart breaking and his eyes empty.

What have I done...

A weird tune filled the silence.

"You got a message. You got a message. You got a message."

Damn it. It was from Tre.

I know why you left. And I understand that you don't want me. I just thought... nevermind. You know how I feel. I hope you knew, the moment you were gone, that you broke me.
I'm sorry, I can't take this.
If you wanna try to fix what you've done I'll be at the park for the next hour.
I know you hate me too much, after what I've written you, so I know you won't even come.
I'm sorry, I can't take this.
Goodbye.

It was a hell of a long message!

But I was worried now...

"I can't take this... Goodbye... What do you mean?" I thought.

"What?" I heard Mike saying.

Shit, I thought out loud again. Dammit.

"I... I gotta go."

And with that, I turned around, opened the door, got in the car and drove as fast as I could to the park.

Please,I kept thinking, please, don't let it be what I think it is...

I finally got there, got out of the car, slamming the door behind me and I hurried throught the park, turning my head every way, to see if I could see him somewhere.

I checked my whatch, if I was correct I still had 20 minutes to look for him.

But 15 of it went by without no sign of him anywhere.

I didn't want to give up, I'd stay around and looked till midnight if I had to, I loved him, I could't lose him.

He was my life, my everything... What would happend if he died? Without even knowing that I loved him...

I was out of breath, I stopped for a second on a bench, and closed my eyes.

In the dark, I saw something. Sunset. The first stars. The lights of the city. A bench. A figure, standing on the edge, looking down at the city below him.

In the dark, I heard something, which was not only in my head.

"I LOVE YOU!"

My eyes shot opened. I knew where he was.

I started running again, as fast as I could, to the bench where the "stranger", that is, Mike, first asked me to meet him.

I got there just in time to see him, alone, his dark silouhette, shaking with sobs.

And I also heard him talking to the wind...

"I loved you. You broke me. I love you. Can't stand it. You hate me. You love Mike."

My heart stopped for a second there, I love Mike? For God's sake, no! It's the other way around!

"Goodbye, Billie Joe."

Oh no... Oh no, no, no, no, NO! I couldn't even say anything, my brain completely stopped working.

"Goodbye."

I couldn't talk, but I found out I was still able to control my body. As soon as I registered the fact, I saw Tre taking a step forward, and I wanted to yell at him.

But I couldn't. It was killing me, I'd die if he died too. I couldn't let him.

So I ran. I ran as fast as my short legs would permit. I threw myself on him, knocking him out of the way. We both landed on the grass, me on top of him.

When he noticed it was me, he froze. I could feel him, underneath me, he wasn't moving a single muscle.

We were both crying.

And one of my tears fell on his cheek.

We locked eyes, and together we discovered we didn't have to talk at all. This was enough for us.

Another tear of mine fell on his other cheek.

I felt him relaxing under my body. Though I knew he was still scared of being rejected. I loved him too much to let him die. It kills.

A third tear fell again on his beatuiful face.

A trembling hand reached my face, and slowly and oh so softly, it wiped away the remaining tears. I felt his cold hand on my face, and I shivered, but not because it was cold. Because it was his hand. It was him. The one I loved since God knows when, the one I've suffered for so many times, the one who was always there for me, the one who loves me too.

I brought my hand up to my face and caressed his, then I slowly moved his to my heart and mine to his.

We didn't need to talk.

I moved closer, not wanting to look away from his eyes, because I'd lose myself if I did.

I moved even closer, and our lips were now an inch apart. I felt I was doing the right thing, yet I had to say something.

"I love you, too. I'd die without you."

And then I closed the space between us, pressing gently my lips on his.

After years of suffering, of hoping, of crying, of being hurt and broken, after years of loving but feeling incomplete...

...I knew I'd finally found someone worth living this life for.