The Story Left Untold

BRITTANY

Hours after that little scene with Jack, we finally arrived at Disneyland. Alex never left my side. He was just filled with so much rage that I couldn’t even take it anymore. But of course, I didn’t say anything. I told him to vent it all out on me but he said that he’d rather keep it to himself. I didn’t force it out of him since I didn’t want to be irrational but I just wish they could fix this already because with tension on the bus, nothing’s ever good.

“How could you not tell us that you two were together?” Rian asked after Alex agreed to allow him to speak to me alone.

“I don’t know. I didn’t think you guys would care as much,” I said, making alibis. I knew that I should’ve told them but I was afraid of what they might think of me. I didn’t want them to think that I was some slut or whatever.

“Right,” Rian replied sarcastically, “Well, you should’ve said something because this is pretty messed up.”

We were walking along some food carts, looking for something to munch on but I think my appetite got left behind somewhere along the way.

“Okay, I made a mistake. I should’ve said something but I was scared,” I confessed. I never would’ve said this to anyone but I trusted Rian. I always thought he was a little more mature than the others. I was glad I had the chance to talk to him. I just hope Alex didn’t cause any trouble for anyone. He was in a pretty sour mood. But even ‘sour’ was an understatement.

“Why would you be scared?” He stopped in his tracks, giving me a look.

“Well, I just thought that if I told you guys, you’d think I was some kind of slut or something,” I said, looking around as I spoke. It was awkward to say what I did but at least I got it out.

“Brit, why in the world would your friends – the people who know you best – say that about you?” he asked in slight aggravation. I guess he had to be a little angry. I didn’t trust them. Instead, I ended up hurting them.

“I don’t know, Rian,” I said sullenly, “Maybe it’s true?” I muttered softly.

He didn’t seem to hear anything so I sat on a bench under a tree for some shade. The heat wasn’t that bad but I was pretty tired. My knee didn’t hurt as much but it still ached a little when I walked.

Rian sighed before sitting next to me. It didn’t take long for Cassadee to find us though. I had to put on a smile for her even though I was sort of hurting inside. I didn’t know what it was about that kiss Jack placed on my lips that made me think twice about being with Alex. It was crazy but for some reason, I think that I might’ve used Alex as a boy toy – which is the worst thing I could ever do to anyone. I felt so disgusted but there really wasn’t much I could do. The damage was done and I couldn’t take back my actions. If I could do it all again, I would but what good would it do? I just wish this whole shenanigan won’t sabotage me in the long run because if it will, then I will be totally fucked.

Cassadee and Rian took off after I told them that they should have their time together. I didn’t want to be the third wheel so I decided to walk around alone. I watched as the roller coasters went up and down in loops. I wanted to ride one so bad but I didn’t have anyone to ride it with. So, I went out to look for Alex. I wanted to set things straight by actually being with him. It’s not like I’m forcing myself to like him since he’s smokin’ hot in all ways possible but I just feel awful for thinking of him as something less than a potential boyfriend.

“Hey, I’ve been looking all over for you.” I turned around to see Jack standing behind me with his hands in his pockets. He smiled a little before returning to the nervous face he showed up with.

I bit my lip and sucked in a big breath as I smiled back. “Look, I know I should’ve told you but-”

“No, it’s fine. You don’t have to explain anything to me,” he said, putting his hands up as if he was under arrest. “I’m just glad you’re happy.”

But am I happy? Do I deserve to be happy? Honestly, I think ‘happy’ is not the right word for me. I’m more satisfied than happy, really.

I smiled as I looked away from those charming eyes. I can’t believe my feelings for him vanished at one point. I mean I knew it was always there but why was it hiding from me? I mean sure, I was afraid to get hurt but isn’t that a big part of life? We take on challenges to make us stronger and it doesn’t matter if we take a might step up or a drastic fall. All that matters is that we’re doing what’s right. But frankly, I’m standing on the wrong ‘X’ mark right here. I guess it’s okay to socialize but I never get just that with Jack. It’s always either flirt or get hurt with him. I didn’t want that anymore.

“Jack, are you and Alex still on bad terms?” I asked, looking deeply into his eyes. I didn’t want him to lie to me. But even if he did tell the truth, what was I going to do with it?

“Honestly, yeah, we are on bad terms. In fact, we had a verbal banter before we left the bus. But I’m sure it’ll blow over though,” he said confidently. I was glad he thought optimistically but was it actually doable in real life?

“I really hate that I got between you two. I never meant for it to happen like this. I mean I just thought that you were over me and-”

“It’s fine, really. I mean I had my chance with you and I blew it. But to tell you the truth, I haven’t moved on. I just hope you know that I’ll always be here waiting for you,” he whispered even though no one would really care about our conversation.

But I was wrong. Alex showed up a few seconds later with a realistic smile on his face. He apologized to Jack which was awkward and straightforward but at least he made an effort. Alex then asked Jack if he could steal me away. Jack really had no other choice so he nodded and walked away with a clearer conscience, I’m hoping.

“You seem…happier,” I said, doubting that smile on his face. It’s not that I didn’t want him to be happy but I didn’t think he’d spring back so fast.

“Nah, I just thought about the whole thing for a while and I realized that it was wrong to stay mad at my best friend for that reason. He didn’t really know that we were actually together so it wasn’t his fault,” he said, taking my hand and swaying it back and forth.

“Well I’m glad you got things sorted out with Jack. I didn’t like the feeling of getting in between you two,” I told him as we lined up for the Ferris wheel instead of that roller coaster I wanted to ride. I don’t think my stomach was up for the extreme speed and maneuvers after what Jack had told me. My heart only got heavier and my conscience, guiltier. It’d take a really big whim to get everything right back into place and I’m not even certain that I’d get it right.

“I’m glad I got it all out of my system too,” he agreed as he tilted my chin upwards and kissed me deeply.

It was an ordinary kiss but something was totally different about the way he tasted. I thought I tasted strawberry lip gloss but there were food stalls around and cotton candy machines so maybe he went and grabbed a bite to eat? Well, I hope that’s what he did.