Don't You Ever Fear I'm Always Near

I was sleeping very well until I felt my bed shake and Kylee’s voice ring in my ears.

“Kirstie, get your butt up! I got fun stuff planned for us today!” Kylee told me while yanking my blankets off of me. Hey! I’m the little sister, I’m supposed to be the annoying one!

“What time is it?” I was able to yawn out a few minutes later while trying to rub the sleep out of my eyes.

“Seven AM,” She brightly smiled.

“WHAT? What are you doing here this early?” I shot at her.

“Get dressed. I’ll meet you downstairs,” Ky told me.

Josh was gone today for some Honda something or other and that means I get the day off since I worked on his bike yesterday. I was planning on sleeping in but I guess my sister had other plans.

I grabbed some shorts and top before brushing my hair and slipping on some shoes. I snatched up my phone and shoved it in my pocket before trotting down the stairs where I was greeted by a red bull can being held out to me. Yummy!

“What are we doing today?” I asked Kylee once we were driving…somewhere.

“You’ll see,” was her response.

“Ky!” I whined loudly.

That day Kylee took me out in her rally car and scared me half to death! I don’t know why but they’ve always freaked me out. Ky brought up the fact of why I would ride a dirt bike and didn’t like rally cars. I’m not really sure, cars are probably more safe but….dirt bikes are my comfort zone, rally….not so much.

Later we got to chat, just the two of us. It was so nice. I feel like we’ve really been getting close lately and I love it! It makes me feel really special that she’s been wanting to spend time with me too.

“How’s Joshie?” She questioned.

“Adorable,” I beamed. “How’s Tanny?” I asked her with a goofy grin.

“Sexy… even though he’s in New Jersey,” She said, letting out a heavy sigh.aw someone misses her boo

“Aw, you miss your male Barbie doll,” I giggled.

“Shut up,” she threw back with a few giggles. “But… I wanted to talk to you about something that Tanner and I have been talking about while he was gone,” She continued.

“Are you two getting married?” I shot at her.

“No! We haven’t even dropped the L word yet,” Ky told me and I nodded my head.

“Well, then I’m fine with whatever else it is,” I shrugged.

“Well, since Tanner and I are used to seeing each other at all of our races, he’s been trying to get me into drifting…” Kylee explained.

“Aren’t drifting and rally like two completely different things?” I questioned to her. I have no clue about this stuff, it’s sad.

“Yeah, but I’ve been practicing with Tanner since he did win the championship the past two years,” She said with a little smile coming over her face.

“Does this have any importance other than showing that you and Tanner should have gotten together years ago?” I teased.

“Well… yeah. He’s kind of… talked me into… trying the drifting thing out to see how it goes,” She replied.

“Cool,” I grinned.

“So… I’d have to be gone like I am with Rally,” Kylee choked out.

“Oh,” was all my brain could think of pushing out.

“Yeah,” she responded.

What am I supposed to say to this? I’m not going to lie and say I’m fine with it. But I don’t want to tell her that I don’t want her to go, that’s just selfish on my part.I wish I could be selfish. I was just really disappointed. Just as we were getting really close again she has to leave…like always.sometimes I wish we were just a normal family.

“Can you take me home?” I softly asked and she nodded her head.

The drive home those words that she was leaving kept buzzing around in my head like a swarm of angry bee’s. Those words were awful, I grew up dreading them. Was this why Ky’s been so nice to me lately? Just because she’s leaving? I hope not, I want to believe my sister.

When we got to my house I softly said goodbye before sauntering into my house. Once I walked into my living room the TV was on and I saw some spikey hair over the top of the couch.

“Hey Kirstie, you left your front door unlocked,” Josh smiled over at me. “I’m glad though because I wanted to come see you.”

“Oh,” I sighed while kicking off my shoes.

“What’s wrong, baby?” Josh cooed.

“Everything,” I told him.

“Come tell Joshie all about it,” he said while patting his lap.

I plopped down and relaxed into his embrace. He left a few kisses on the top of my head as I took a deep breath.

“Kylee’s leaving again,” I said as tears built in my eyes.

“Why?” He asked.

“She wants to start drifting and so now I’ll never see her,” I cried. “I know I’m being selfish but I’m going to miss her.”

“No, sweetheart. You’re not being selfish, you just love your sister and are going to miss her,” He cutely said. “Just tell me. I won’t think you’re being selfish. I want to hear how you’re feeling, you can talk to me.”

“Kylee and I were always close but then she started doing rally. She promised me she wouldn’t be gone that much but…she was. I never got to see her anymore, I was lucky if I saw her two or three times a year,” I told him through my tears. “Then before I met you we were starting to get a little closer. She called a lot more but we still weren’t really close. But lately I felt like she was really trying to connect with me and it meant a lot to me too. Now I just feel like she’s leaving again and it’ll be the same as before.”

“I’m sorry Kirstie, I really am,” Josh empathized with me as he held me tighter.

“I just don’t want to lose my sister again,” I bawled.

“You won’t lose her, Kirstie,” He tried to soothe me. “It’ll be okay. You two will still be close.”

“I hope so,” I softly said.

“I’ll always be here for you,” Josh sweetly said while cupping my cheek with his hand.

“I know, that means so much to me Joshie,” I cooed while holding onto him.

“I won’t ever let you go,” He sighed while I buried my face into his chest.

“I won’t ever try to get away,” I told him.

I sat on Josh’s lap, wrapped up in his arms for the rest of the night. I never wanted to leave that spot, he was my comfort and my best friend, he is everything to me. He’s everything but one thing and that one thing he could never be….and that was my sister.