Don't You Ever Fear I'm Always Near

I can do this… I can do this… I can do this….

I don’t know if I can do this.

I’m supposed to be getting my butt out the door to go to New Jersey for a drifting event. I know for a fact Tanner’s there… and I’ll have to see him. And he’ll probably want to talk to me… and I’ll probably cry… and my family isn’t going to be there! But I have to suck it up. Big girls don’t cry. I can just take all of my aggression out on the track… when I get there.

Right now I’m on a plane.It’s private since Monster hooked it up. But all I’m left with are my thoughts. I swear more flights like this and I’ll be schizophrenic! I couldn’t wait to get off of this thing.

The second my feet were on solid ground, I was whisked off to the track. HECK YES! My parents…and mostly Kirstie wouldn’t let me drive any car but my street car since this… Tanner thing has happened. I guess they’re just doing it because they love me. But I missed my baby!

I ran right up to it and seriously gave it a hug. I love this car. It gives me so much joy… and makes me forget about all the crap going on right now. My team got a few laughs. And then I had to glance over at the Rockstar pit. Tanner was there obviously. He was talking to some Rockstar chick. I know that’s normal, but it ticked me off today. It just fueled my fire to hand his butt to him on the track.

My team went on to rush me around for practice. I couldn’t have asked for a better session though. It was awesome! I was so happy when I stepped out of the car. Usually I rattle off this huge list of all the changes I want, but I had none! They just had to change the tires since I smoked them off.

After qualifying, I ended up being fifth. Not bad… since it is out of thirty-two, but I’ll take it. Reporters starting coming around after that though. I wanted to go hide; especially after the one asked about the Jacobson/Foust rivalry. I know we’ve been competitors for a long time now and that’s probably all they meant by it, but… I could only thing of ouronce happy relationship.

Someone asked about the dating thing. Apparently word got around about our little make out after I won the last event. I tried to brush it off as much as I could. My personal life is my personal life and my racing life is my racing life. The worlds can’t mix… and then Tanner Foust came along.

But I went through the whole night without crying. I was so proud of myself. I even made it to finals with Tanner again. He beat me this time. I didn’t give it my all. I just didn’t want to be that close to him… even if there was all of that metal between us.

The podium was kind of awkward. He always shakes hands with the people up there. Touching his hand again sent this current through me. I would say it was electric, but it was beyond that. I tried not to look into his gorgeous eyes, but I did… and smiled. BAD MOVE! He smiled back and… made me breathless.

After that wondrous moment, I hurried back to my pit and just sat in my trailer with my suit hanging at my waist, leaving me in the pants of it and a tank top. My head was in my hands, but I didn’t cry. I was just… I don’t even know. Confused for sure. But… everything was just… complicated.

Someone walked into the trailer with me. I didn’t look up. It’s probably Randy, wanting to talk about the car. But once I looked down at the floor to see those black and red Alpinestar racing shoes, I didn’t even have to look for a Rockstar logo on his pant leg… I knew who it was.

“You just have to make this hard for me,” I sighed, keeping my eyes to the silver plated floor.

He didn’t say anything, which I thought was odd. What he did… made me even more confused. He brought his knee over to my leg and… like… pushed gently like he was… kneeing me. I looked up at him with my forehead wrinkled up, showing that I had no idea what he was doing. Want to know what he did next? He smiled!

“I kneed you,” he said in the cutest way.

It actually made me smile… and laugh.

“You’re so nerdy,” I smiled while running my hand through my hair.

“I kneed you,” he repeated, with a little smirk coming over his cute face.

Just those three little words, even though they were a play on words, broke every wall down that I put up to keep him out. My smile came back over me as I got up and sat in his lap, causing us to be the closest we’ve been in almost a month.

“You kneed me or… need me?” I asked while hooking my arms around his neck loosely while his came around my waist.

“Both,” he said softly while cupping my cheek with his callused hand, but yet it was still so smooth when he touched me.

“Come and get me,” I countered, bringing my lips teasingly close to his.

Before he could try anything, I hurried off of his lap. I didn’t get the chance to jump out of the trailer. His arms hooked around my waist and pressed me against the wall. I only caught a quick look at his gorgeous smile before he pressed his lips to mine heatedly.

“I don’t think other people want to see us have a make up make out session,” I teased after I pulled away since he got a little extra flirty.

“Well, in that case,” he smirked before picking me up and throwing me over his shoulder.

I squealed as I hung onto his middle tightly, terrified that he’d drop me. But he went right on and carried me to his trailer… that had its own little private room.Life of a champion’s so hard. I don’t see how he gets by.

But I am so happy we got back together. I thought it would be so much more complicated than what it was. It just goes to show that Tanner’s cute nerdy-ness has a huge effect on me. It’s so cute… and so is he, so it fits him perfectly.