My Chemically Avenged Romance

Matt carried me all the way back to our parents house. I had my arms wrapped around his neck and I was crying into his chest. I didn't let go of him or stop crying when we arrived at the house.

"Is she okay?" I heard a voice, Zacky's voice to be exact, ask and I cried even harder.

"No... I'm a huge fuck up of a brother" Matt sighed and started walking up the stairs.

He lightly kicked my door open and strode across the room. He lightly laid me on my bed & sighed.

"Do you want me to stay with you?"

"No" I whispered and buried my head into my pillow.

Matt said nothing else and I faintly heard him leave, closing my door as quietly as he could.

I was finally alone. Now that that had happened, I began to think. I kept seeing the look on Frankie's face when he found out the truth about Zacky and I's relationship. It was a look of betrayal. I should've been honest with him in the beginning. Yes, I had actually been in love with Zacky when we where dating. I thought he was "the one" and I wanted to be with him for the rest of my life... but things started falling apart. We began growing apart and Zacky ended up sleeping with one of my best friends and I was shattered. I was completely devastated, but I wasnt about to let everyone see what Zacky had done to me, so I put up a front... I built walls so that no one could get close to me... that is until Frankie came along. He tore my walls down and healed me without even knowing that he did and I fell in love with him... and I know in my heart and soul that I love Frankie more than I ever loved Zacky... but it didn't matter... I was about to lose Frankie too. He didn't want to talk to me, nevermind-

My train of thought was cut off by a knock on my door.

"Who is it?" I sniffed.

"Zacky"

"It's open" I barely said, my voice wasn't very strong.

The door opened and Zacky walked in. He looked at me and extreme concern started to show on his face.

"Hey" He sighed.

"Hi" I whispered and Zacky sat down on my bed.

"Matt told me what happened... we need to talk" He sighed again.

"What do we need to talk about?" I asked, sitting up.

"Everything that happened between us... Sammy, I really was in love with you. I didn't want to lose you and I felt you slipping away from me, so I... I did something extremely fucking stupid to get your attention and I got it alright. I ended up destroying the best thing that has ever happened to me... and I broke your heart. I will never regret anything else in my life as much as I regret what I did to you... and I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry... I need you to know that, okay?"

I couldn't look at him. As much as it was his fault, in a way it was mine too. It was the "Sanders love curse". We love something or someone so much that we tend to push them away... and I pushed Zack away because he wanted to sleep with me and I wasn't ready. So I got scared, I was scared to tell him no because I thought that he would leave me... So I pushed him out of my life.

"Zack... I was so in love with you. SO in love with you... but I pushed you away. You wanted to make love with me, but I wasn't ready and I thought if I told you that... if I told you no, you'd leave me and I didn't want to lose you." I started crying again, "But I ended up pushing you so far that I did."

Zacky pulled me over to him and hugged me. I wrapped my arms around his neck and held tightly to him.

"None of this is your fault, you know that right? This is all on me. I was the fucking idiot who trashed our relationship!"

"And I did nothing to save it!" I cried, letting go of Zacky.

"You shouldn't have had to save it! I shouldn't have slept with Heidi!" Zacky exclaimed.

I looked at him and I could see all the regret in his eyes. I knew Zacky was geniunely sorry and regretful and I was ready to forgive him. I grabbed his hand and sighed.

"Zacky, you know what... I forgive you."

"Really? You forgive me?" Zacky was trying and failing to hide his smile.

"Yeah. I forgive you. I don't want to be mad at you anymore! We need to move on and I want my best friend back" I explained, still holding his hand.

"Are you and Frank going to be okay?" He asked suddenly.

"I have no idea... he's so pissed." I sighed and a few more tears rolled down my cheeks.

"You'll work it... He won't let you go"

"You can't know that" I sighed.

"I have to tell you something." Zacky sighed, running a hand through his hair.

"What's that?"

"I'm not trying to confuse you or make you choose, but, I'm... I'm still in love with you." Zack's voice was shaking, as was his hand.

"Oh." I breathed. I couldn't think of the words to say. I opened my mouth. Zacky kissed me... and I didn't fight him off. I kissed him back and then realized what was happening. I pulled away and put my hand over my mouth, "Zack..."

"I am so sorry Sam!" He was beyond panicked.

"No, it's okay... I kissed you back... it's okay!" I sighed and hugged him.

"I can't believe I just did that... I'm such an idiot!"

"Zacky-"

"Oh God! I'm gonna go... I'll see you later, I'm so sorry again... okay... bye Sam" Zacky raced out the door, leaving me confused.

I thought I hated Zacky... but now that I knew the truth... maybe I was still in love with Zacky... but I know that I'm in love with Frankie, but now Zacky is clouding my brain.

I wouldn't let it come down to a choice... because now, I don't know who I'd choose... My first love or the boy who could end up being the love of my life.