It's Always a Fight Against Time

“Blaire, are you okay?” Matt asked.

“I'm.. alive...” I whispered as I dropped to the floor unable to keep myself aright any longer. My aching back lay flat up against the wall while my knees lay folded underneath my crumpled body. It felt so good to talk to someone I could really trust, someone I didn't fight with every waking moment, and someone who didn't seem as bipolar as the rest of the men in my life. God, I just realized... “Matt, where’s Ale? He isn't picking up his phone...” I asked and the silence was deafening. “Matt, talk to me!” I almost yelled, knowing something wasn't quite right. “Pl-ea-se-“My voice cracked; the silence was killing me.

“I'm not going to lie to you; I love you way too much to do something like that...” He paused dramatically leaving me questioning. “Blaire... he and Rain are in the hospital too.” I blinked back the tears spilling heavily out of my eyes. Here I was concerned about myself, when they were also out east in a hospital. My mind drew a blank as he continued. “They were hit by a tractor trailer and then a bunch of other cars. I don't know how they are because no one will tell us anything...”

“I'm coming.” I made a split second decision without so much of a thought about the consequences and effect that it would have upon myself. “I'll talk to you when I get to New York.”

“I'll pick you up when you get in...” With that I hung up and forced myself up onto my feet again. Adrenaline was pumping through my veins as I looked around. I very well couldn't get out of the hospital easily now nor would I be able to get on a plane wearing this, a plain worn-out pale purple hospital gown. Luckily I saw a bag, a small carry on type bag on the chair in front of the bed. The chair was pushed up against the wall so I gingerly took one step at a time, stumbling towards until I finally got there and was able to dig everything out. None of it I recognized except my purse that was tucked inside, though the sizes were all pretty much right and no one else happened in the room soooo... fair game. I grabbed the clothing items and put them on my body as quickly as possible. Which I’ll have you know wasn’t in any way fast enough let alone quick at all… It ended up actually being a rather slow antagonizing-ly painful process from the start. Who would’da thought it, huh?

I was able to get my undergarments on before someone came inside the room. I swore to myself hearing the door click and continued on without glancing to see who it really was. It was becoming much more difficult than I originally thought it would be, so it took that much longer. Arms wrapped around my waist loosely from behind and encircled me, the hands grabbing my wrists making me stop as I started to raise my arms in an attempt to put on the shirt that was found inside the bag. The action surprisingly didn’t hurt me any at all; I was expecting pain but only got gentleness. The arms ghosted my skin and only my undamaged wrists were seized.

“What are you doing?” Lucas's smooth, calm sounding voice spoke into my left ear. At the same time I felt his soft black hair tickling as it grazed my cheek and a shiver course through my spine like I’d expect lightning to do. I was caught red- fucking- handed. Busted…

I stepped so as to turn around and his hands lightly dropped my wrists.

“Ale's in the hospital, he was in a car wreck. And I am going to New York.” I told him. There was no way he was going to stop me, my mind was made up and I was doing it. I had to, my best friend was fucking hurt in a hospital bed and no one knew anything. I had to go.

I watched carefully at his face while it turned into one of confusion and extreme anger. “What fucking part of ’You aren't going to be able to do much for a while’ do you NOT understand Valencia?” He hissed trying to keep his voice low. “You could die if you don't rest!” I shook my head in dismissal. Sure, I didn't want to die but I wasn't concerned about it at the moment to be honest.

“I don't care! I'm fine, they aren't! They are dying as we fucking speak Lucas! I need to go.” I yelled as I easily got out of his grip. Lucky for me, I think he was worried that if he held onto me too tightly he would break me to pieces…. but I’m not a porcelain doll. I don't shatter that easily. I get dropped and damaged all the time but I heal, this seems just like another one of those times.

“Think about yourself! God! You… You are acting like this- this complete and total moron in regards to taking care of yourself; you can’t do everything yourself Valencia! You need to realize you aren't doing Ale any good by hurting yourself just to go see HIM!” I put on the shirt, pushing my head and arms through before I attempted to glare at him.

“I don't care.” I turned then and sat harshly down on the chair wincing in pain, so that I could put on my jeans, socks and shoes. He bent down to kneel in front of me, helping oddly enough. I tried pushing his hands away but gave up. Why was he helping me when he didn't want me to go? After I had my jeans bunched on my legs, as well as my socks on and shoes tied he helped me stand. Then I pulled up the pants, buttoned and zipped them myself to finish. Lucas was just staring at me, when I caught him looking he looked down but right back up a moment later. It was a bit creepy that look in his eyes but oh well…

“You're just going to leave, just like that?” His voice was soft and sad.

“I have to go.” He shook his head slightly before he took two steps forward, grabbed my neck and gently pulled my head towards his. The kiss was weird, unlike anything I have ever dreamed of. So much meaning was behind it- if only I knew the real meaning before, then I wouldn't have kissed back in the same way...maybe. Lucas... ah, well Lucas confused the fuck out of me. He was pissed one minute, then the next he was whispering sweet and comforting things inside my ear…as I laid bleeding out on the floor. Here’s the best part! Then after I wake up he is still sweet but then changes and starts yelling and screaming at me when I try and tell him something that is definitely on the important side of the spectrum.

He broke away, leaning his forehead onto mine so his face was still extremely close, mere inches away. His breathing was labored as was mine but his breath tickled my lips (and it smelt like cinnamon and coffee one weakness I had in regards to him.) I lost all my thoughts as he said the 3 words every girl wanted to hear from a guy, 'I love you.' He even added 'Blaire' to the end of those 3 words and I knew he wasn't mad at me anymore. But that didn’t mean I still wasn’t pissed at him! Especially now!

I didn't want to hear that from him ever, certainly not now of all the fucking times either!

He probably thinks that saying he loves me will make me rethink things, think logically and believe he is right. We all know it won’t despite the fact that I should listen to him. He thinks I shouldn't go to New York in my position and that’s true, I admit it. However his ‘I love you Blaire’ don’t go routine, is NOT going to work- but I will play along for the fun of things. His actions are all part of a game, all for show. I also know that for a fact.

I slid my hands up his chest until my forearms got to be lying on his shoulders, then I wrapped my arms completely around his neck pulling so he came closer to me. Meanwhile, I brought my lips upwards to his kissing him eagerly and passionately. Just as I heard him starting to moan into my mouth I knew time was up. My fun is over. It was starting to get way too intense, way too quickly. I wouldn’t be able to contain myself much longer at this pace. So instead I inched my head to the left, standing up straighter and pulling down more so my lips could reach his ear.

“Nice try.” I hissed before pulling away from him some. “Did you really think that the whole “I love you” bull shit would get me to stay?” I snapped pulling away from him more before shoving him off balance and stomping, as best I was able to, towards the closed door. I yanked it open and ran straight into Jeffie. My eyes widened as I yelped out of sheer pain and the fact that he was suddenly… Right… THERE.

“Hello, Miss Blaire. How are you doing? Pretty well, I suppose; though I'm afraid your plan of escape isn't going to work this time.” He snarled. My eyebrows furrowed as I grimaced towards him. See, I thought Jeffie and I had gotten closer to one another, you know like a decent relationship where he wasn't mean and trusted me (at least somewhat.) Evidently not! “Did you actually think I wouldn't find out you were in the hospital? Let alone that I wouldn't come to see how your current condition was?”

-

A half hour later I was signed out of the hospital, eventually to be transferred to a hospital in or around New York City. Lucas and I sat in the back of Jeffie's undercover cop car thing; the spinning red light was on as Jeffie speed crazily to the police station. Lucas kept trying to talk to me... but I would always ignore him. He kept trying to help me walk; even trying to pick me up and carry me... but I wouldn't let him. I just slapped his hands away and/or shook his (always) loose grip off from me. I was still pissed, not so much anymore about the screaming match earlier ‘cause I was screaming back just as much and it actually felt good, but more of because he still wouldn't believe me about Shimmy.

I got out of the car, ignoring the “helping” offer and stomped shakily to the best of my current ability inside. It wasn't having quite the effect I was aiming for let’s just say. I stumbled a lot and limped too, the pain quickly became to the point of unbearable. I ended up sitting, waiting for whatever was about to come my way from Jeffie. Lucas in the meantime grabbed my chin and made me look at him not too long after the ensuing enormously long bout of silence.

“I didn't just say it, I do mean it Blaire...I love you. I really do.” He paused as I rolled my eyes. “Don't roll your fuckin’ eyes at me." He scolded and I proceeded to glare at his face. I just didn’t look him in the eyes, I couldn't do that or I would crack or give in whichever you would consider it. I knew I would. "It took me a while to figure it out… but I do. I really do. All that fuck I said back at my house... I shouldn't have said it.” He shook his head while letting go of my face. His hands both made their way to his hair, twisting and burrying around the thick dark locks and sliding roughly through the knotted mess. He sighed deeply before repeating the action. “The baby- well it is your body and you have every right because you don't know whose it is…” He looked up at me and I couldn’t help but to look him in the eyes. “I just didn't want you to regret anything. I don’t want you too- I came to your apartment to apologize for everything, I was beyond pissed still but seeing you... It hurt so bad, I thought I was about to fucking loose you and the baby. I don't even care whose it is, I want to be there for you... Fuck everything else I want to bewith you.. ” I had enough, so I cut him off from his "proclamation of love." Note the sarcasm associated with that sentence.

“I wasn't going to ever get rid of it...” I looked down at my hands a moment and gulped back the fear. “I thought about it in depth but, if it was me... if I were a baby I wouldn't want to die like that- I'm- I am sorry. I just- I couldn’t…” I shrugged as Jeffie came back to the room. He had an ankle bracelet, a new one that is. Goodie! I've been in one before but they had taken it off quickly because of some clause or something; I don't really understand it much. Needless to say, I had one got it taken off and here I am about to get another!

“Don't think you can run.” Was allllllll that he said.

Jeffie put the GPS on my ankle and left; soon after Lucas and I did as well. I was heading to the airport and then eventually the hospital Ale and Rain were in. I wasn't concerned about clothes or necessities...I was going on the plane with only what I was wearing and my purse that I barely ever use and don’t know why I’m even bothering to bring it now; no luggage. Afterward, I would probably be admitted there as well, hopefully the same hospital that is. Knowing my luck though it would be the hospital furthest away from the one I wanted to be at. One thing I knew was for sure however was that with this stupid black box ankle bracelet there was no chance of running. Not that I would… but you never know.

-

I walked down the sidewalks trying to get to one of the more heavily traveled streets in LA, in search of a taxi. As I hailed one, and was about to get in Lucas pushed me inside deeper and got in himself.

“If you are that damned determined to go I am coming with you; I don't want you alone like this.” He paused and looked to his left at me “… and you can’t stop me.” He smirked at his own revelation… I couldn’t stop his is stubborn self even if I tried.

“Stubborn much?” I pushed him playfully, smiling in accomplishment. At least I was going, that’s my main objective and I have that part down pact. He responded by pulling me up into his arms, surprisingly it didn't hurt as much as I initially braced myself for. My arms wrapped around his neck as he sat me gently in his lap. I leaned the side of my face on his shoulder as his hand ran through my hair; I was content just being held. I felt safe, something I rarely ever felt.

Yet a familiar ringtone brought the fear back.

I was sat down beside him again as Lucas moved around and fished my cell phone out of his back pocket. He then handed it to me...

“Matt?” I questioned in a scared but anxious tone of voice. Lucas took my unused hand into his own so our fingers intertwined. He started rubbing his thumb slightly on the skin. His arm wrapped around my waist while I leaned some to the right and Lucas lay his forehead on my shoulder.

I was met with someone elses voice, not Matt’s.

“Rain passed away...” Brian's voice said “The doctor just informed us… and her sister... They tried but-” I must have had a grave look on my face because Lucas grabbed me tighter just before I started sobbing. I turned slightly and grabbed onto his shirt and cried tears like there was no tomorrow. The taxi driver must have thought I was insane, all of a sudden crying and getting hysterical in the back seat of a car. I didn't care about his thoughts though. What I did think was...if she was dead, then what about Ale?

Lucas pried the phone from my fingers and I couldn't quite catch the conversation that went on afterward. Yet still, I could tell, was hiding something from me.