Love This Pain

My second night with Brian had gone better then the first actually. And now that it happened I can't get his body out of my freakin mind. His strong arms that I somehow fit perfectly in. His amazing chest that held the heart that I so desperately wanted to be mine. I wanted him. I wanted all of him. I wanted me to be his. I didn't know how much longer I could take not being with him. He made that insanity leave just for the few moments we were together. I finally found the antidote for Brian. And it was Brian. He kept me sane and happy. I liked it that way but when he wasn't with me I felt the need for him. Even thinking about him with another girl made me want to vomit. He was my everything. I needed him.

We were stuck on the bus that night, going to the next show. I sat on the couch with my knees to my chest, alone with my thoughts.

Brian walked by and didn't look at me once. He got what he wanted from the fridge and went back to his bunk. Can he just rip my heart out and stomp on it?

I looked out the window at the snow that was on the ground. I hated being in a bus for the night. I wanted to be out in the open. I sighed as I watched another hotel pass.

"What's wrong, Ry?" Matt asked, sitting next to me. I shook my head. "I'm not stupid, tell me."

I debating telling him anything for a few seconds and I could tell he was already getting impatient. "When you fell for Val, how did you know she was the one?" I asked, suddenly.

He smiled, showing those dimples that I shared with him. "I just knew. She made me feel amazing. I couldn't see my life without her. She was the only girl that made me literally insane when I wasn't with her. She was just everything I could ask for and more." He said, still having that goofy in love smile on his face. I couldn't help but let the corners of my lips perk up. He was so in love and he was loved back. They were going to have babies. "Why do you ask? Do you think you are falling for someone?" He nudge me with his elbow. I chuckled slightly. Falling? I've fallen and no one was there to catch me.

"No, just wondering what love feels like." I said, looking back at the bunks. Syn was looking out of his bunk but immediately went back when his eyes meant mine.

"Don't worry. You'll meet someone one day that I approve of. And he'll be your night and shining armor. Like all those cheesy movies say." He laughed a little.

I smiled. "Alright, I'm going to bed." I stood up from the couch and started walking down to the bunks.

"Hey," I turned around to face Matt. "I love you, Ryder."

"I love you, too, Matty." I smirked and walked back into my bunk that was right next to Brian's.

"Don't call me Matty!" He yelled.

"Okay, Matty!" I smiled to myself and quickly drifted off into a deep sleep. Lord knows I needed it.

I rubbed my eyes from sleep as I walked out to the kitchen part of the bus. I sat at the table and laid my face on it. I looked up to notice we were stopping. Matt, Jimmy, Zacky and Johnny basically jumped off the bus when they saw the donut shop we had stopped at. I chuckled as Brain sat on the other side of the table and looked at me.

"What's up?" I asked, after a few moments of silence.

He looked up at me then looked back down and fiddled with something in his hand. It looked like a guitar pick. He had this thing about guitar picks. "I need to tell you something." He finally said.

"Yeah, what?"

"Well, I've bee-"

He stopped talking as all the guys came in and started talking, loudly. They set the donuts on the counter and immediately started fighting over what was there's.

"I guess I'll tell you later." He said, standing up from the table and going with all the guys.

I sighed in frustration. I guess I'll have to wait for him to tell me what ever he has to say. I needed to tell him something too.