For What You Are

“The world was smaller back then” Jayne started. “Kara and I had already travelled beyond the known world in search of high populations of vampires and we decided to have a holiday.”

“A holiday?” Damon asked incredulously.

“Yes. A holiday in England where Kara rested and I hunted.”

“What kind of holiday are you talking about?”

“At that time there weren’t a lot of vampires hanging around in England. Because of the Black Death, most of them had been wiped out. Yes that’s right,” she continued, seeing the look on Damon’s face. “It could kill you. And so there weren’t many vampires or humans in England. Well, save someone that I didn’t really want to try and kill,” Damned Klaus, “So I pretty much just stalked the streets by night.”

“Honestly, do you ever sleep?”

“When the need arises,” Jayne shrugged, “Two, maybe three hours a day. Anyway, there isn’t much road left so back on track. Kara had a little rendezvous with her then ‘love of her life’ and I didn’t worry too much. She was a slayer; she could take care of herself. Or at least, at the time, I’d thought so. Turns out she came back three months later married to a vampire named Jack who I just so happened to know as being a five-star jackass.”

“Did he know,” Damon interrupted earning him an annoyed glare from Jayne. “I mean, about the whole ‘slayer’ thing?”

“Unfortunately yes,” she sighed. “He also knew that Kara and I were sisters but Kara had no idea that he was using her for revenge against me. Two months later, he wound up dead.”

“You killed him?”

“No,” Jayne scoffed. “I would’ve liked to, don’t get me wrong. Much like the way I feel about you I suppose. I’d love to kill you but there’s an alliance standing in my way.”

“So…that’s it? You wiped her memories because she was sad?”

“Hey, you’ve done it before,” Jayne shot back. “Jeremy Gilbert was sad. But no – that wasn’t the reason. I went slaying in Russia, found an old witch’s book, attempted to find the witch who had disappeared off the face of the earth and unfortunately didn’t succeed. I went to Germany and visited Kara where I happened to walk in on her in a not so happy moment.”

“She was depressed over some guy,” Damon started. “Never mind the fact that if he’s as big of a tool as you say he is then she shouldn’t have even bothered.”

Jayne shook her head, “It was worse than depression. She’d attempted suicide.”

“Kara tried to kill herself?” Damon’s face showed disbelief.

“Tried,” Jayne said, her voice filled with compassion. “But she couldn’t because of our rapid healing abilities. I couldn’t heal her depression away and neither could she. So I asked her if she wanted me to take away her memories and I can still remember her exact words.

“ ‘Why would I want that,’ she said, ‘So I can just continue killing? I’ve lived too long. I don’t want to live anymore.”

“But I couldn’t watch her kill herself. So I took all her memories. Every moment since we woke up to see that rock. And I gave her a past of a normal human. But her curiosity was never curbed and her abilities still remained. So every few years I’d have to do it again. My strength built up, but so did her resilience and soon I had to wipe her memories every two years then every year. That’s why I have to protect her. From herself.”

“But you told me that having her memories blocked could kill her…”

“Eventually it will,” she said. “There’s more than a thousand years hidden from her in the back of her mind. No one knows what that could do.”

“But giving her back her memories could kill you…how?”

“She never wanted to forget. And back then, she was definitely one for revenge.”

“So, Kara with memories equals you dead?”

“Pretty much.”

Jayne could see Damon beginning to smile and she stepped onto the dirt as the bitumen ended.

“Just note that with me dead, she’d then turn on you and you’d have an angry and vengeful slayer. And because of Jack, she doesn’t pay attention to any alliances. I may love and protect her. But I’m warning you, memories or not, she’s a bitch.”

And with that, Jayne ran home.