Why Don't You Love Me Enough?

That night, Adam stayed with me. His big, strong arms wrapped around me all night making me feel safe and secure.

In the morning, Adam was gone.

I didn't know whether or not to be worried, panicked or to be annoyed. I settled for all three.
I got out bed quickly, and rushed downstairs and almost collapsed with relief, when I saw Adam watching TV fully clothed.

He looked at me, standing by the door way, panting out of breath. He looked at me confused.

"What's wrong Gracie?" he says confused. I shake my head and put a hand on my chest, gasping for air.

"Nothing Adam" I breathe. Adam motioned me to come sit beside him, so I did. I cuddled up beside him and I feel him kiss my forehead. We continued to stay like this for some time.

Usually, I'd be at college today for my teaching course I was hoping to achieve, Adam was hoping to be a Sports Teacher. But ever since what happened, the teachers gave Adam some time off and me also.

My Mum would be at work, I felt bad that I haven't spoken to her for two day and it was intentional. Mum worked all day, 5 days a week. I've been so busy lately, caring for Adam. Today seemed a depressing day, I felt like I had to tiptoe around Adam, scared he might do something again. Adam on the other hand, just wasn't in the mood for talking.

By Lunchtime, our stomachs grumbled and I got up to make up something to eat. I was glad, I was pass the stage of caring what I looked like with Adam as I was still in my pyjamas from last night. I made bacon sandwiches, one of Adam's many favourites. He always insists that you can't beat a bacon sandwich.

We ate in a pressuring silence and I knew if we didn't talk soon, I was going to explode. I swallowed the bread-bacon mixture in my mouth and looked at Adam, who was fiddling with his food.

"What's going on with you today?" I bravely ask. I hoped my voie, didn't give it away.

Adam looked up, almost startled by my voice. "Nothing" he said by instinct but he was obviously lying. I sighed and continued to eat.

"Chris thinks I blame him" Adam suddenly announced. I stopped chewing and breathing immediately. In the last 11 months, Adam has never openly spoken about it. He merely refused to talk and eventually, we gave up trying to ask him directly, hence why Dr. Edwards/Joe was hired.

"What?" I choke, holding my throat. I was so surprised, I couldn't even contain myself. Adam stared at me emotionlessly, his sandwich abandoned on the plate. His hair ruffled up from where we slept.

"Chris thinks I blame him for surviving it" Adam tells me matter-of-factly. I stared, not knowing what to say. I bit my lip, confused.

"I don't blame him Grace" he tells me quietly, looking down at the floor. I couldn't function, my lungs refused to breathe, my heart refused to calm down and my eyes refused to stop leaking water.

Adam's gaze was so firm and cold, I wanted to shrivel up right there and then. I wanted to speak, my voice was hoarse and dry and my throat burned suddenly like the words I was forming in my throat were poision.

"I should go" Adam suddenly says, standing up. I scrambled up too, desperate to speak.

"No!" I suddenly gasp out, reaching for him. Adam looked at me almost pitifully. The tears streamed and I wanted to scream at him with frustation.

"I'll call you later" he tells me firmly and he reaches over, pecks my cheek and walks out the kitchen and out the house.

I felt desperate. I felt guilty but I mostly felt confused.

I sat down on the chair again, defeated. I buried my head in my hands and tried to think of some reason for not crying.

I couldn't think of any.