I've Got Luck

I smell food the next morning and my stomach growls. I sit up and look around, remembering I’m at Alex’s. I see he’s not beside me and I go to get up and remember what we did last night. I feel sick to my stomach. I wrap the blanket around my naked body and I walk into the kitchen.
“Morning,” Alex says when he see’s me.
“Good morning,” I reply and lean against the counter.
“Hungry?”
I nod and he smiles.
“Good, I’m making lots.”
I smile a little and he puts his spatula down and walks over to me. He pushes my messy hair back and cups my face. We stare at each other and that sick feeling is pushed away. He gives me a small smile and kisses me gently. I slowly kiss him back and the kiss soon deepens and I wrap my arms around him, the blanket partially around him as I’m pressed up against him. His hands fall to my bare waist and his tongue slips inside my mouth.
“Round two?” I joke.
“If it weren’t for breakfast,” he replies and pulls back, going back to the stove.
I re-wrap the blanket around me and watch as he cooks. He soon finishes, we sit and eat. I help him clean up and we go into the living room and relax on the couch.
“I can’t believe we did that,” he says.
"We shouldn’t have.”
“Why not? We like each other,” he responds.
“Because I’m with Eric,” I say and that sick feeling returns.
“Maybe this is the sign that you guys don’t belong together.”
I sigh, “Alex, come on. Don’t you regret this because of Taylor?”
“No,” he answers instantly, “I’ve told you how I feel, this just made things better to me.”
“It was a mistake,” I whisper.
“The best mistake,” he says and kisses me.
“Alex,” I say, not wanting to give in again.
“Saying my name doesn’t help,” he chuckles.
He pushes me back and the blanket falls open and it doesn't take much for me to respond. Alex let’s me have a shower after and I clean up. I get dressed and I walk back downstairs to hear my phone. I run over to answer it.
“Hello?”
“Hey!” Eric says.
No.
“Hey,” I say, “where have you been?”
“At home. I’m sorry, my phone died during the night. I was in bed early.”
“Oh, that’s fine!”
”What’s going on?”
“Um, my building had to evacuate because of a little fire on the fourth floor.”
“Whoa, what? Where are you?”
I know I shouldn’t tell him but I decide honesty is better. He’ll hate me.
“Alex’s.”
“Alex’s? Why?”
“He’s the only person who responded. Mom is staying with my Aunt, Sammy was at work doing a late shift and I swear, every hotel was booked.”
“I’m not mad,” he says, “just, weird that he’s the one you stayed with.”
“I tried texting and calling you.”
“I saw your text when I charged my phone, that’s how I knew you tried contacting me. Do you want to come here?”
“Yeah, that would be the better choice.”
“Okay, well I’m off today so come over whenever.”
“I’ll see you in an hour?”
“Alright, bye.”
“Bye.”
We hang up and I see Alex has entered back into the room.
“That was Eric,” I say.
He nods, “I had a feeling.”
I sigh, “I’m sorry, Alex. I’m going to go stay with him.”
“Is that a smart idea?” He asks coming closer, “I mean, after what has happened here.”
I look down, “I know. I never wanted to be that person who cheated, Alex.”
He stays quiet.
“It’s not because it was with you,” I say hoping to make things somewhat better, “it’s because I’m with Eric and I cheated, and worse, I enjoyed it.”
His hand rests on the side of my face, “I get it. But do you still want him?”
I look at him, thinking hard.
“He’s good to me,” I say quietly.
“You don’t know how I would be,” he argues a little.
“I know,” I smile a little, “but I have feelings for him.”
“So what was I? Just a fuck?”
I sigh, “of course not! Alex, you know how I feel about you.”
”So dump him!”
“I can’t!”
“Why not?”
"I think I might love him," I can't believe I said it.
Alex steps back, retreating as if he’s been slapped. I instantly regret this.
“Does he love you?”
“I don’t know,” I say quietly.
“Do you think he will once he hears about this?” Alex asks, growing mad.
“Are you going to tell him?”
“Are you?”
“I don’t know. Probably.”
“He’ll hate you after, you realize that?”
I fight back tears, “it crossed my mind.”
“So just dump him, he doesn’t need to know.”
“Alex, just stop, please.”
“When he throws you out,” he says, backing off, “don’t come back here. I refuse to be someone on the side.”
I stare at him, I shake my head as I grab my stuff and begin to leave. I open the door and see snow on the ground, but today, I’m not the slightest bit excited. I turn to Alex.
“You weren’t ever someone on the side, Alex,” I say quietly, “I wouldn’t ever make you feel like that.”
Before I let him speak, I head out, the door slamming behind me. I walk over to my car and drive off to Eric’s.
“Hey,” Eric greets me, he kisses me gently and let’s me inside.
“Hey,” I reply, still calming down.
“So, what was this about the fire?”
I shrug, “I was at the studio, went home and saw firetrucks and what not.”
“Of course it happens the night I’m oblivious.”
I smile a little.
“Was anyone hurt?”
“Not that I’ve heard.”
He nods a little.
“So, how was it staying as Alex’s?”
“It was fine. But I’m happier to be here.” Partially lying.
He smiles, “I’m happy you’re here.”
He kisses me gently and I kiss him back a little but as I do, all I can think about is Alex. I pull back and Eric gives me a confused look.
“Let’s go out,” I suggest.
“Where?” He chuckles.
“A movie?”
He nods, “okay. Let’s see what’s playing.”
I smile a little as he heads off to his computer to find movie times. I lean back on the couch and feel my phone vibrate. I grab it and look at it.

Alex sent 1:37 pm:

I’m so sorry.

I sigh as I read it again and close it, shoving the phone back into my pocket and I lay on the couch. What do I do?
“What do you want to see?” I hear Eric call.
I go join him, peering over his shoulder and glance at the movie listings.
“How about this one?” I ask, pointing to a scary one.
“Sure, it starts in a half hour. Perfect.”
I smile as he turns his computer off and stands in front of me.
“What’s wrong?” He suddenly asks.
I look at him nervous and startled, “what?”
“You look like you might cry.”
I shake my head, “I’m not,” I smile, “I think I’m just tired.”
He nods a little and kisses me gently, “do you want to stay home?"
I shake my head, "let's go.”
We head out to his car and we're off to the movies. We see our movie, a little disappointing, and Eric treats me to dinner. As we drive back to his place in the dark, I see more snow falling. He parks and we head for the door. As Eric walks a little ahead of me, I grab a small ball of snow and toss it at his back. He stops and slowly turns around.
“You didn’t.”
I smile. He bends down, grabbing some snow and he throws it at me. This turns into a snowball fight and he chases me around. I feel his arm wrap around my waist and we fall into the snow. I let out a squeal from the cold.
“So cold,” I laugh.
“That’s what you get for starting a snowball fight with me,” he chuckles as he continues to lay on top of me.
He stares down at me and our heads inch closer and we begin to kiss. The kiss grows more heated and I actually forget about being outside in the snow.
“Let’s go inside,” he whispers pulling back a little and picking me up.
I laugh as he takes me inside and to his room. He lays me on his bed and removes his jacket and I do the same before he lays on top of me and we kiss again. As we kiss, I think of Alex and what we did. Eric’s hands and lips remind me of Alex’s. I try to shove the thought away and I kiss Eric, pulling his shirt off. He does the same with mine, and our lips connect again. Alex pops back into my head and I pull away. I can’t.
“Eric,” I say quietly and I’m not ready to do this.
“Did I do something?”
I stare at him and manage to shake my head, “no. You didn’t do anything.”
He pulls back, sitting up and I do too. I sit further up on the bed and I run a shaky hand through my hair.
“I can’t do this,” I whisper.
“It’s fine,” he says, “we don’t have to.”
I shake my head, “no. This. I can’t be with you.”
“Why not?” He asks quietly and confused.
I sigh, “you deserve someone who is better and devoted to you, who’s trustworthy. Not me.”
“What are you talking about? I want you.”
“Not after what you’re going to hear,” I whisper.
“What?”
“I slept with Alex.”
I don’t want to look at him, but I do. His face is expressionless to start, then upset and I want to just shoot myself.
“I’m so, so, sorry! I want to take it back, I really do. I never wanted to hurt you,” I say, too fast.
“You slept with him? When?”
“Last night,” I say quietly.
He remains silent for a while.
“Please say something,” I whisper.
“I don’t know what to say.”
“Tell me you hate me and you never want to see me again.”
He sighs, shaking his head, “I don’t hate you.”
“You should. I hate me.”
“But it’s probably a good idea if we don’t see each other for a bit.”
I nod, “of course.”
“I just need some time to think about this.”
“I understand. I'll go.”
“Where will you stay?”
I stand up, pulling my shirt back on, I give him a weak smile, “that’s the least of your concerns.”
“I can’t let you leave in this weather with no where to stay.”
“Eric, hate me.”
He watches me as I leave and I get out to my car, no idea where to go.