Someone Get Me a Doctor, Someone Call the Nurse

(Jared POV)

Come break me down
Bury me, bury me
I am finished with you
Look in my eyes
You're killing me, killing me
All I wanted was you

I tried to be someone else
But nothing seemed to change
I know now, this is who I really am inside.
Finally found myself
Fighting for a chance.
I know now, this is who I really am.

I screamed the lyrics, feeling my chest tighten as I thought about how the meaning of the words had changed for me in the last few weeks. According to Tomo and my brother, Maddie still emailed them once or twice a week. My email remained empty of any messages from her. I wish I hadn’t let her stay or let her get in bed with me. I felt like a piece of me was missing without her there to call me friend. Closing my eyes, I imagined she was there listening to us rock the crowd. The song drew to a close and I took a sip of water before we started up the next song.

“Alright L.A. I wanna see you go bat-shit crazy! Let’s go!”

I don't remember a moment I tried to forget
I lost myself, is it better not said
I'm closer to the edge
It was a thousand to one and a million to two
Time to go down in flames and I'm taking you
Closer to the edge

No I'm not saying I'm sorry
One day maybe we'll meet again
No I'm not saying I'm sorry
One day maybe we'll meet again
No no no no

I felt like I was drowning, the crowd blurring to a dull roar. All that I had worked towards seemed to fade away like a puff of smoke in the wind. Why was I like this? The loss of Maddie’s friendship was killing me slowly. It shouldn’t hurt this bad, should it? I felt like a puppet—doing everything like I always did without really having any emotion inside. The song finished and I walked to the piano set up nearby. Letting my fingers dance over the keys, I shut my eyes again and leaned my head towards the microphone.

No warning sign, no alibi
We faded faster than the speed of light
Took our chance, crashed and burned
No we'll never ever learn

I fell apart, but got back up again
And then I fell apart, but got back up again yeah

Heart throbbing painfully in my chest, I let the pause last a bit longer while I recovered. This was one of Maddie’s favorite songs by us, and the way the lyrics fit our situation made my chest tighten further and my heart shoot pain through my body.

We both could see crystal clear
That the inevitable end was near
Made our choice, a trial by fire
To battle is the only way we feel... alive

I fell apart, but got back up again
And then I fell apart, but got back up again
And then I fell apart, but got back up again

Way, oh, way, oh
Way, oh, way, oh
Way, oh

I could picture her swaying to the music and imagined her standing beside me. The longing was so deep, I practically felt her there. I’d never felt such loss over someone before. What is wrong with me?

So here we are, the witching hour
The quickest tongue to divide and devour
Divide and devour

If I could end the quest for fire,
For truth, for love and my desire
Myself

And I fell apart, but got back up again

Way, oh, way, oh
Way, oh, way, oh
Way, oh, way, oh
Way, oh, way, oh
Way, oh

I fell apart, I fell apart
I fell apart, I fell apart
I fell apart

But got back up again

I screamed the lyrics, putting every ounce of my pain and hurt into it. It had to be one of the most emotional concerts I had done. As I let go of my restraints, I felt liquid slide down my cheek. I blinked away the blurring tears, mildly shocked. I hadn’t cried in I don’t even know how long. As the song ended, I bid farewell to the crowd and rushed off-stage before anyone would notice the tears. Luck was not with me as Shannon gripped my shoulder.

“Jare? Are you…crying?” I wiped the back of my hand across the offending trails and heaved a sigh.

“It’s…nothing.” The frown on my brother’s face darkened considerably, and he blocked my escape by taking both of my shoulders in his hands.

“Like hell it is. I haven’t seen you cry since we were kids. Is it…?” He let the name be unspoken, like some taboo word. I frowned…how noticeable has my mood been if they won’t even say her name around me?

“Yeah…I don’t know. I just feel so…” Shannon nodded and patted my shoulder.

“I think you really need to talk with her. I’m sure she’s just as miserable as you.” I blinked at him, puzzled as to why he sounded so sure.

“How would you know?” He grinned at me, stepping away and getting ready to leave.

“Because her emails are all alike. She works, she comes home, and then she does it all over the next day. She’s slowly becoming a hermit. Even Amanda has emailed me to ask what the hell happened.” Glaring, I crossed my arms as we headed to the bus.

“And you told her didn’t you?” Shannon smiled cheekily, and I fought the urge to smack him.

“I didn’t have to. Before I responded, she sent another email yelling at me about how stupid the two of you were. I believe her exact words were: ‘friends can fuck and be fine as long as they remember to not get too emotionally involved. Those two just need to suck it up and face the fact that shit happens. You don’t need to let a little sex ruin a wonderful friendship.’ And you know what? I agree with her.” Pushing me onto the bus, Shannon shut the door and sank down into the chair up front. “Just go talk to her. If you don’t, I will chain you up and drag you there myself.”

“But, what if she doesn’t want to talk to me?” Fear bubbled up my throat. Shannon shrugged, not noticing or ignoring my growing panic.

“Well, you’ll never know until you try.” With that said and a slight boost of confidence, I began to set my plan in motion. I just hope Maddie won’t hate me forever.