Stuck in the Moment. Dead at the Scene.

I woke up the next morning in my bed. Mom changed me out of my costume and into pajamas.

"Did last night really happen?" I asked out loud. I got up and went into my bathroom. My face looked awful. It was blotchy and my eyes were really puffy.

"I guess so."

I turned on the shower and stripped then jumped in. I was in there for a mere five minutes before everything came rushing back and I sank down into the tub.

"Jamey is really dead.." I muttered. "How can my best friend be dead?"

I finally mustered up the courage to climb out of the shower and get dressed. I headed downstairs where my mom was sitting on the couch with Johnny. She was cradled in his arms and I could hear her crying.

"Momma?"

I walked over to her and she pulled me into her arms. I started crying as soon as she did that.

"Jamey's parents want us to go to the hospital."

I sniffled, "Why?"

"They want you to see her.."

I gasped, "No. I c..can't."

"They think you should."

I shrugged.

"Get on some shoes. Johnny will you drive?"

He nodded, "Hadley, I'm sorry kiddo."

I shrugged again.

I walked up stairs and slipped on some flip-flops and grabbed my phone.

I hit speed dial 2 as I climbed into the backseat of Mom's car.

"Daddy?"

"Hadley? What's wrong?" I never call him Daddy. It's always Dad or Joey.

I swallowed the lump forming in my throat.

"Jamey is gone.."

"What do you mean?" He asked confused.

"She went into Cardiac Arrest."

"Fuck. I'll catch a flight and be down there as soon as I can, okay?"

"Okay."

I hung up the phone.

"Daddy is coming."

"Hadley, he's in the middle of writing stuff for Slipknot's cd."

"I know, but I need him here and so do you."

She nodded in agreement.

We got to the hospital and we walked into the morgue.

"I..I can't do this."

Jamey's Mom and Dad were standing in front of a slab with Jamey's body on it.

"Do you see what the world you two were in did to her?" Alyssa asked. She pulled me over so I was right next to her.

Jamey looked awful.

"I'm sorry." I sobbed.

"That's enough Alyssa." Mom said pulling me to her and walking me out and back down to the car.

"I shouldn't have made you go.."

"Its okay. It was my fault anyway."

Mom looked at me, "This is NOT your fault. You tried to stop her from using drugs, didn't you?"

"Yeah, but I never told you exactly what she was doing..maybe if I had, we could've helped her and she wouldn't be lying on that slab in the morgue. I didn't even get tell her good-bye and that I loved her."

"Aw, hunny, Jamey knew you loved her. Even when you two were fighting she knew it."

The rest of the way home was silent except for my occasional sobs.

The next morning I woke up and Dad was sitting in my computer chair. Corey and Sid were sitting on the floor.

"Dad?" I asked rubbing my eyes.

"Hadley, how are you feeling?" He asked.

I shrugged.

"Honestly." Sid said.

"Honestly? Really shitty. My best friend in the whole world die because she mixed drugs and alcohol and went into Cardiac Arrest. How the hell would you feel?" I snapped.

Sid put his hands up in defense, "I just asked a question."

I sighed, "I'm sorry Sid. I'm just..I feel sick and tired. I don't wanna go through the rest of my life without her."

The three of them climbed onto my bed and hugged me.

"Everything will work out the way it's suppose to, okay?" Corey said.

"I hope so."

They left my room and I got ready. I went down stairs and my mom was talking on the phone.

"Hadley, Jamey's funeral is Tuesday."

I nodded my head and walked into the living room. Wednesday and Acey were standing next to Dad.

"God! I'm so glad you guys are here too." I said walking over to them.

"We are too and we're sorry." Wednesday said speaking for him and Acey. Acey pulled me into a hug and I cried a little.

"Do I have to go to school tomorrow?" I asked.

Mom shrugged.

"It's up to you Hadley." Dad said.

I bit my lip, "I think I'll go if I'm up to it."

"Okay."

The day was rather uneventful. I mostly sat around and talked with the guys and mom about Jamey. I knew that the only way I'd get through her death was if I talked about all of our memories.

I got up the next morning and got ready for school.

I walked into first period and all I got were stares.

"Hadley, I'm sorry I didn't call you and I'm sorry about Jamey." Jason said as he came up to me at lunch.

I smiled weakly, "Its okay about not calling me."

He pulled me into a hug.

"Everyone is talking about her. Kameron and Alan are a mess."

I snorted, "They're the ones who gave her that shit. They should feel a little guilty like I have been.."

"Guilty?" He shook his head. "It's not your fault Hadley. She would've done it anyway."

"I know." I said quietly.

"It'll be okay."

Everyone had been telling me that all day and I was tired of it.

"No Jason." I snapped. "You've never lost the only best friend you had, you don't know what it feels like."

I grabbed my purse from the lunch table and stalked out of the cafeteria.

I called my mom from the bathroom to get her to check me out of school.

Then I went home. Dad and the guys were scattered all around the living room.

"Hadley, what's wrong?" Wednesday asked.

I wiped some stray tears away, "All I've been getting all day is stares of pity and 'Oh, I know how you feel' or 'It'll be okay. It's NOT okay and it WON'T be okay."

They crowded around me again and hugged me.

"We know its not, but all of us are here for you. Even Johnny." Dad said

"I know. I'm going upstairs to sleep."

I cried myself to sleep for the third time and I was dreading tomorrow. I don't want her to go six feet under.