My Only Sunshine

It was two o'clock in the afternoon and I was still in bed. My eyes had become friends with the ceiling that hung above my head, because it was what I had been starring at since last night. I hadn't left my room since last night, and I kind of refused to.

My mother didn't even come up to talk to me, and that's why broke my heart the most. I was officially alone in this. My eyes were puffed up from all the crying I had done. Normally I refused to cry, I hated it. But I just couldn't contain it. My face was bright red and tear stained as well. My eyes also turned into a bright red color, that matched the dried blood that was still remained on my arms. I was just a mess.

The new cuts stung as I cascaded my finger tips among them since they were only from last night. They were deep, and they were more than agonizing.

My thoughts were the only thing that kept me away from the silence in my room. Until a loud knock was placed upon my door. I cringed at the sound.... it was the loudest thing I heard since last night.

"Go away!" I croaked. I hadn't talked since yesterday either... I did sob though.

"SOMEONES RUDE!" That brought a real smile to my face. It was Jimmy.

"Okay, I guess you can come in..." I totally forgot about how shitty I looked, but once I saw the familiar faces of Matt, and Jimmy suddenly I remembered. I took the covers and placed them over my face. "I didn't say when you could come in!" I yelled in a raspy tone. My throat had hurt from all the crying.

"Oh Ken, get those damn covers off your face!" Jimmy's footsteps got closer and his hands gripped the top of my sheets and he tried to pull them away from me, but I held on for dear life.

"NO! I look like a dirty whore!" I yelled to him... it made him let go of the sheets because he nearly fell over laughing his ass off.

"Dude, I love you already, and I'm sure you look fine..." Jimmy told me.

A sigh escaped my throat, and I pulled the covers off of my face. I sat up and looked around at all the two boys in my room; Jimmy and Matt, "Well, this is awkward."

I saw Matt's dimples appear, "Why? You look fine, I promise," He winked at me. My cheeks turned a light shade of red. I looked down, hoping he wouldn't see it.

"Yeah Matt, that's what you think," Jimmy said in a joking tone.

"Fuck you, Jimmy!" I said, then threw a pillow at him. It hit him square in the face, which made me explode with laughter.

Jimmy's jaw dropped and he gave me and over dramatic 'Oh-no-you-didn't' look before he ran over to my bed and jumped on top of me. I yelped in pain when he landed on my stomach. He picked up a pillow and placed it over my face, "DIE BITCH, DIE. NO ONE FUCKS WITH SULLIVAN!"

I went into hysterics at that point, which scared the shit out of Jimmy and made his body meet my floor. A loud thud was heard all around the room, which made me laugh even harder, and made Matt start laughing as well.

Once I calmed down my laughter, and rolled over to see Jimmy still laying on the floor beside my bed, with his eyes glued to the ceiling, "Help me!" He stuck his arms in the air.

I giggled a little, then grabbed his hands and started to pull him up off of the floor. His gaze was on my face, then I saw it drop to my wrists... I had completely forgotten about the cuts. His jaw had dropped, and when he got to his feet I knew he was going to say something...

But lucky for me, his phone rang. "Well all that is fucking holy, who wants to talk to me?" He question with a smile on his face. He got his phone out of his pocket and pressed the 'talk' button. "Hello?"

I didn't know who it was, but Jimmy casually paced around the room as he talked. I looked around and noticed Matt was still standing there awkwardly in the middle of my room. "Come here broseph!" I said out loud, looking directly at Matt. He looked up, smiled at me, then began walking over, but Jimmy cut him off by jumping on him. To my surprise, Matt caught him.

"Mattchu, I must leave. Papa Haner would like my presence to grace the Haner household. I'll see you later!" he hugged Matt, then jumped down. He walked over to me and hugged me as well. "See you later, Ken," He smiled down at me, but I saw his gaze go back to my cuts, and his smile dropped a little, "You better be at school tomorrow, or I will kick your white ass." He turned on his heels then left my room, before Matt or me could even get a word out.

Matt laughed a little, "Jimmy's... well Jimmy."

I laughed too, "Yeah, and I like him already."

Matt nodded, then walked over to my bed, he sat down on the edge and looked up at me, "Where were you today?"

I sighed, I knew this was coming eventually, "Here," I teased a little. I hoped I could avoid this.

Matt rolled his eyes, "No seriously, you sick or something?" he brought his hand to my forehead, his hands were warm, "You don't feel like you have a fever. You okay?" He was truly concerned, I could see it in his eyes. It was sweet of him, but I didn't want to talk about that.

I just shook my head, "It's not a big deal, I just couldn't go to school today..." I lied through my teeth.

His eyes narrowed, he obviously didn't believe me. Okay, how did he see right through me? "Okay... what ever you say..." He obviously didn't believe me, and it kind of pissed me off.

"Matt, just trust me kay?" He didn't say anything. I sat up and hugged him, when I pulled away my cut cascaded across the skin on Matt's arm, I silently prayed that he wouldn't notice the roughness.

"Dude, do you have dried skin or some shit?" He mumbled as I pulled away. Before I could answer he grabbed my arm, and starred at the cuts that I caused myself. "D-did you do this to yourself?" He stuttered, then looked up at me.

I gazed into his hazel eyes, actually feeling guilty. I nodded slowly.

He sighed deeply.... "What happened, Kendra?" He sound concerned and sadness coated his words. It made me feel about a million times worse. And this was the first time I actually felt bad about cutting... What was he doing to me?

I pulled away from him and cradled my own arm to my chest, "Nothing." I didn't want to take about it, so I wasn't going too.

Anger went across his face, that was obvious. "Kendra, just fucking tell me, please."

I bit my lip and I just looked at him. My eyes brimmed with tears, and they slowly started to fall, he continued to look at me, his expression got more sad as the seconds passed, and the more my tears fell, "Matt, my mom has cancer."