The Girl Who Couldn't Feel

“We’re here.” I heard Jaden say as we came to a stop. “Don’t open your eyes yet.”

I kept my eyes close as he came around the car and opened my door. I held his hand as he led me somewhere. I listened to his footsteps, and matched mine with his. It was a pointless thing to do, but it made me feel… it made me feel happy, I think. Finally, he stopped walking. “Ok. Now, you can open your eyes.”

We were in a beautiful garden, with a small pond. A pathway led to a table and two chairs, nearby the pond. A beautiful vase held all different types and colors of flowers, and a waiter stood by the table readily. Three violinists began playing lovely music. We walked up to the beautifully decorated table and sat down.

The waiter asked us for drinks, and I ordered some water. We were silent for some time, both of us admiring the view and giving it all of our attention so as to pretend there wasn’t any awkwardness. A few dusk played in the pond, and I kept my eyes on a small hummingbird.

Jaden cleared his throat, and I looked back at him. “This is actually part of a restaurant that my family owns. I thought you might like to have lunch here. I used to play in this garden as a kid with my sister.” This was the first time I actually looked at what Jaden was wearing. He had changed, while I was changing at the salon, into a collared shirt and black pants. He appeared to be really used to wearing more formal clothes. He didn’t seem uncomfortable, like me. Yet, something else was also making me feel uneasy, though I wasn’t sure what.

We ate lunch quietly, though I could feel Jaden glancing at me constantly. However, when I looked up at him, he would look back at his food. I didn’t focus on this much; because I was busy trying to try to understand what was troubling me.

The salad was brought out first, and then they brought vegetarian pasta. As we finished our bowl of ice-cream, I noticed Jaden looking at me, and looked at him questioningly.

“Are you enjoying yourself?” he asked me.

I was a bit caught off guard by his question, so it took me longer to respond. “Yes.” I said. This was very enjoyable, if only I wasn’t feeling so odd. I still couldn’t understand why I felt troubled. Before Jaden could say anything, the waiter returned.

“Anything else?” The waiter asked politely.

“No, we are fine, thank you.” Jaden responded.

“Alright. It was great to see you after so long young Master Hastings.” The waiter said with a bow. Jaden nodded, and the waiter left.

Then it hit me as to why I felt so uncomfortable. This was Jaden’s life. This was how he’d grown up. It wasn’t anything like me or my life. I suddenly felt so far away from him. He was not going to be staying here with me. He was going to leave. He had to go back to his life. I had to keep away from him. Because… because, I was no longer sure how I felt about him disappearing.

“Let’s go.” Jaden said, and I looked up at him confused. We walked out of the restaurant and went back in the car. As we drove, I looked out the window.

“Where are we going?”

Jaden smiled. “You’ll see.”

We finally came to a stop and I looked forward as saw a giant gray mouse with a cap and a shirt. “We’re going here?”

“Yep. Have you been to Chuck E. Cheese’s before?” Jaden smiled at me as he got out of the car and opened my door. I considered getting out myself but he kept shaking his head when I reached for the handle.

“No?”

“Exactly.”

We walked into Chuck E. Cheese’s and Jaden got us 2 cups of these gold coins. We went around the place playing all sorts of games. We were pretty much tied in most games, except for the car racing game, where we spent most of our time till two eight year old kids told us we were “hogging the game”. That game was my favorite, especially because I tended to beat Jaden in it, though he insisted that was because he let me. After playing every game we could find, and even shaking hands with the giant mouse, we headed toward the ticket table. Jaden told me that we could get prizes with our tickets.

“We have 2 thousand tickets. So, what do you want?” He asked me. I looked at all the prizes and couldn’t help but stare at the giant stuffed dog. When I was little, I had always wanted something like that. I bit my lip as I looked at the price. It was 10,000 tickets. I wasn’t a kid; there was no point in looking at that.

“You want the puppy?” Jaden whispered in my ear. I looked at him, and he had a smile on his face. “You like stuffed animals don’t you?” His smile grew even wider.

So what if I liked stuffed animals? It’s not like I had a room full of them. I shook my head at him. “I don’t want it. I don’t’ want anything.” I said insistently. There honestly wasn’t any prize that I felt that I needed to own.

“Fine. I’ll be back. Can you wait for me by the stage?” Jaden asked me. I nodded and headed toward the stage with the odd singing robots. I waited for about 10 minutes before Jaden came.

“Sorry about that.” He smiled. “Shall we go?”

I was very confused, but I didn’t ask him. I had a feeling that he knew someone here. I understood if he wanted to talk to his friend alone. We walked out of Chuck E. Cheese’s and headed toward the car.

“Sorry about teasing you about the stuffed animal thing…But I hope this make up for it.” He said to me as he opened the passenger side car door. On my seat was the stuffed puppy that I had been looking at. I picked it up and held it in my arms. It was just as soft as I had imagined. Its eyes gazed at me lovingly as I looked back at it. I was really happy.

I looked at Jaden. “Thank you.” I said, and then I went back to looking at my stuffed puppy. I glanced at Jaden and found him squatting on the floor. His face was hidden under his arms.

“Jaden. What’s wrong?” I said as I fell onto my knees so that I could look at his face.

“You…at me.” He mumbled.

“I can’t hear you.” I responded. What was wrong?

Suddenly, he looked up at me for a second, and I got a glimpse of his face, which was red. Then, before I knew it, his lips were on mine. I hadn’t expected it at all. Then again, Jaden tended to do things that I didn’t expect. The kiss was soft and sweet. His hands held my face carefully. My mind felt completely blank, but it wasn’t something that I disliked…

After a moment, his lips left mine and he still held my face in his hands, his face inches from mine. “You smiled at me.” He said, with a smile I had never seen before. A smile that I didn’t think anything could wipe off his face. A smile that he was showing only me.

“What?” I said. My head was still spinning a bit from what had happened.

“You smiled at me. It was small, but I saw it. I saw you smile, even if it was only for a second.” He said to me. Had I smiled? I had been happy, but had it really reached my face. Honestly, I didn’t fully believe it.

“I smiled… and, you…kissed me?” I said, still trying to comprehend what just happened.

Jaden’s eyes widened a bit. “I-I am so sorry.” He said, as he stood up. His face was still a little bit flushed. He held out his hand for me to take. I waited a moment, still unsure of what had happened and how I should be responding. I considered telling him that what he said was impossible. I hadn’t smiled in so long that I couldn’t even remember how it felt to have your lips pull up on their own. But, his smile was so beautiful. I was happy, even if I wasn’t smiling.

That was when I heard the little girl. I couldn’t see her, only hear her. “Have you forgotten what you did to me MONKEY. You are a heartless monster. What right do you have to happiness if I don’t have it?” She giggled from somewhere nearby.

“I’m really sorry, Marie. It won’t happen again, I swear to you.” He said. I could tell he felt guilty now, especially because I had yet to take his hand. I finally took it, and we both got into the car. I was seeing that little girl everywhere. Why had I never even seen her till a few months ago? I had been living peacefully for almost 5 years without so much as a whisper from her, whoever she was.

“Marie, I want to tell you something. But, before that… I should tell you about…about something from before I came here.” He said, glancing at me a bit nervously.

“Monkey, he’s been lying to you.” The girl giggled. “Now, he wants to tell you the truth. But, Monkey, before he tells you, I want to show you how much you are going to hurt. I want to show you how much the truth will hurt.” She began laughing, and I felt her hand on my shoulder. “Monkey, I’m SO sorry.”

Suddenly, I felt a stabbing pain from inside me. It started at my heart and then my whole chest ached. It hurt so much, I wasn’t sure if I was screaming or not. I felt like a broken vase that was in pieces, as I tried to hold myself together. The pain got more and more unbearable. I was burning, burning from the inside out. But in the back of my head, I knew this was something more. This was the pain that could only come from one place, a place that I thought had been too frozen to feel anything. It was my heart. Slowly, everything went black, and I passed out. I heard Jaden shouting my name over and over again.

I woke up lying on a white floor. Everything was white as far as I could see. Then, I saw the twelve year old girl with the braids. I got up slowly and unsteadily. The pain hadn’t gotten away, but I was able to bear with it more than I had been. I tried to keep myself from falling over.

“Monkey, this dress is beautiful, isn’t it? I told you. I always looked the prettiest in dresses.” She giggled, spinning in circles and holding out her white dress. “Aww, your poor dress is all torn and ugly.” She pouted. I looked at my dress and it was torn and covered in smears of dirt. “I told you not to wear any dresses.” She skipped closer to me.

“Who are you?” I muttered.

“And, how could you even think of smiling? Have you lost your mind?” She glared at me, completely ignoring what I said.

“Who the HELL are you?” I growled at her. The pain was getting to me. I was breaking down. The girl looked at me a bit frightened, and then her face was twisted with anger.

“Don’t YOU dare talk to me like that!” Her face was bright red, but then she calmed down. “Have you forgotten?” She smiled evilly. I stared at her, and then I was on my knees, holding my head.

The images kept coming. There was so much blood everywhere. I heard the screaming that was filled with so much pain that it no longer sounded human. “Stop.” I kept muttering. “Please stop.” The images kept going and going. The blood was all over me. There was no escape. Suddenly, they stopped.

I was breathing hard, and I couldn’t get up, still in pain. “There, good girl. Stay quiet just like that.” The girl smiled.

“Monkey, Monkey, Monkey. Maybe it’s time that we stop playing this silly game.” She giggled. “I think it’s time that you learn the truth.” She smiled. “Everyone’s lying, Monkey. Everyone. No one loves you. No one cares for you.”

I glared at her, but she just lifted my face with her hand. “Aww. Don’t look at me like that. I’m not the one lying to you. It’s all of them. They don’t love you, but I do Monkey. I will always be here for you.”

Suddenly, she softly touched my cheek. She looked at me sweetly, and had I not known how she was, I would have thought she was an angel. “Marie, I do love you. I swear. I only want to help you. I want to keep you safe from all of those monsters.”

My mind was still focused on what she had said about everyone lying. I didn’t believe her. Jaden wasn’t lying to me. Tammy wasn’t lying to me. Parker wouldn’t lie to me. They wouldn’t do such a thing.

“Are you sure?” Bunny smiled, reading my thoughts. “Do you…TRUST them?” Her face was right in front of mine. She looked just like me. I was going crazy, wasn’t I?

“I trust them.” I said, wanting to prove her wrong. But now that I had said it, I couldn’t take it back. I was giving them a piece of me. Now, I could only hope that I had put my faith in the right people.

“Tsk, tsk, tsk. I thought I had taught you better. I guess I will just have to let you learn the hard way. Don’t say that I didn’t tell you so. Bye Monkey, that is, until we meet again.” She smiled, turning around and waving as she walked away. I had no strength to chase her. Slowly, everything blurred once more.

I opened my eyes, and my vision slowly cleared. The first thing that I realized was that the pain was gone. Even the anger was gone. I felt empty again. I had truly felt something, even if only for a short amount of time.

I looked around at the walls. The walls were a light pink, and there were different colored large spots on the wall that was behind me. The curtains were purple, which made the light pink walls look a bit purple as well. The bed that I was in was striped with pink white and green and small stripes of purple. The design of the room was very modern, and even the lamps near me had interesting shapes. I was in Tammy’s room, in her bed. I looked to my right and saw Jaden leaning back in a chair. He was sleeping peacefully as I watched him.

I don’t know how long I watched him for, but I couldn’t take my eyes off him. If only I could sleep like that, without tossing and turning all night. I wish I never had to see her again. Finally, he woke up. He looked at me and blinked a few times as he stretched.

“You’re awake.” He said hoarsely. He yawned quietly and then leaned closer to me. “How are you feeling? Are you okay?” He asked me softly, as if speaking normally might scare me.

“I’m fine. I’m sorry…” I muttered. I had ruined everything.

“Don’t apologize.” He smiled at me. “There is nothing more important than you. Nothing matters as long as you are okay.”

We sat quietly for a few seconds, when Jaden suddenly sighed. I looked at him, but he wouldn’t meet my eyes. Instead, he would glance up at me and then look back down.

“What is it?” I asked, and he put my right hand in between his hands.

“I know this is an awful time, but I have been trying to tell you this for a while. It’s something I want you to hear.” He said, looking at me, and then looking down. After a few seconds, his eyes focused on me again. They looked at me sweetly, and the smile I had seen him give me (after I had supposedly smiled) was on his face again. It was such a sweet smile; one that I hoped he would always show me. A smile that made me feel special. “Marie Grace,” he began, still smiling at me, “I want you to know that I lo-”

“Marie! You’re awake!” Tammy said, barging into the room, wearing a Mrs. Clause outfit. Jaden immediately let go of my hand and leaned back in his chair. Tammy ran up to me and gave me a hug. “You had the whole lot of us worried.” She said. Suddenly I realized that it must be late for her to already be wearing her costume for the party tonight.

“What time is it?” I asked her.

“5:11 p.m. exactly.” She smiled. My eyes widened a bit. I hadn’t expected it to be so late. “Um, Jaden, could you give us a minute?” Tammy said to Jaden, biting her lip a bit.

Jaden looked at me and then at Tammy. “Sure.” He said, and he got up and left us alone.

Tammy’s smile grew even larger. “You look so beautiful. Were you on a date ?” She giggled.

“No.” I mumbled. “We just went out to lunch. It was my Christmas gift from him.”

“OOOOOO.” Tammy sang. “So, tell me, Marie. Do you like him?” She smiled at me waiting for my response. She then glanced out the slightly open door to see if anyone was listening, then she truned back to me. “Because I like him, and I think he likes you.” She giggled.

I sat silently, trying to think all of this through. Did I like Jaden? Did I like him the way Tammy was saying? I wasn’t sure. What I did know was that I liked having him around. I liked the way he laughed and the new smile of his that he just recently showed me. I felt special around him.

“Fine, fine.” Tammy said with her hands up, knowing I wasn’t planning to give her an answer. “Just tell me this,” she smiled as she leaned closer to me, examining my face, “have the two of you kissed?”

I had no doubt that my face showed my embarrassment, because I felt my face get a little warmer. We had kissed, and even more than once. I could tell from the way that Tammy’s mouth was hanging open that she hadn’t missed my response to her question.

“NO WAY!” She shrieked. Then she remembered the open door and glanced out to see if anyone had heard. “The two of you have kissed? WHEN?” she asked, the smile on her face had grown to 10 times its usual size.

“TAMMY!” I muttered. “I have something more important to talk to you about.” As my voice got more solemn, Tammy’s smile also disappeared and she listened carefully to what I was saying. “I need to tell someone about what has been going on.” I mumbled softly. She put her hand on mine and stared at me intently, using her eyes to persuade me to continue.

“Tammy, I have been seeing someone… A little girl. She looks exactly like me, except she has her hair in two braids. I know she’s trying to tell me something. I think she might just look like me because I don’t remember how she actually looks. Tammy, she’s been scaring me. It’s only been a few months since I’ve been seeing her. I don’t even know why she came.” I was covering my face with my hands. I sounded crazy. I looked at Tammy, and there weren’t any emotions on her face.

“What happened today? Was this girl involved?”

“Yes. Jaden was about to tell me about something from his past, that he said I needed to know…She kept saying that I was being…lied to. She said it would hurt when I found out the truth.” I mumbled to her. Tammy was looking off into the distance as she spoke to me.

“Did she tell you her name?”

“No. She keeps calling herself ‘Bunny’.” I looked at Tammy as I said this, and I saw the shock break through her façade for a second. Had the girl been right? Was something being hidden from me? “Tammy, what’s wrong? What do you know?”

“Nothing.” She smiled at me softly. “It is very interesting though. I think this is very troubling.” She was lying to me. I didn’t need her to tell me. She was hiding something, but the question was what, and how big was the secret that she was keeping from me.

“Why are you lying to me Tammy? Did you think I wouldn’t notice?” I muttered, shaking my head.

“I’m not hiding anything.” She responded.

“Don’t lie to me.” I said slowly. The little girl’s words rang in my ear. Do you TRUST them?

“Marie. Everything is going so great. Why are you so focused supposedly on something that may supposedly be from your past? Why are you trying to go back? What do you hope to gain? What do you want to hear me say, huh? I think you’re seeking something that isn’t there!” She yelled at me.

“I just want the truth!” I told her. “I just want to live my life without seeing things that aren’t there. I don’t want to see all that blood. Why is there so much blood? It’s always everywhere. It’s all over me.” I was holding my head, trying to squeeze the images out. They were getting sharper and sharper. I realized that someone was holding my arm.

“Marie! I’m right here, Marie!” Tammy said, shaking me.

I calmed down, and we were quiet. Finally I spoke again. “I kept this from you for months. I kept it from you because I was praying that I wasn’t crazy. But, I couldn’t take it anymore, Tammy. I’m losing touch with reality.” I said to her. “I need to get rid of her. Please tell me what you know.” I wasn’t lying. I really wasn’t able to control these random pictures that I kept seeing. It was getting worse. I had only broken down today, and I had a feeling that it would get worse if I just ignored this.

“I don’t know anything.” Tammy said with a straight face.

“Tammy, don’t lie like that to me. Don’t you think I can tell?”

“You want me to be lying. You want me to be hiding something! Even if it’s not true.” She glared at me. I suddenly felt so alone.

“No, Tammy, I only want the truth. Tammy, I…I trust you.” I managed to say.

“Then trust me. It’s nothing. Just let this go.” She smiled at me. I had never told her that I trusted her.
“So, you do know something.” I mumbled.

Tammy sighed. “I’m going to go now, Marie. I think you should rest, and we can talk later.” She said as she headed for the door.

As she walked away, I was suddenly very sure. She was lying. She knew something. I couldn’t trust her . I felt myself lose something. I had lost a part of myself. Before it disappeared with Tammy though, it called to me. I was so happy. I had been so happy. But, it was falling apart, and the first part had fallen. Suddenly, all my feeling felt dulled, just a little bit, but enough for me to notice. I couldn’t do anything. Tammy had taken it from me, even though I had trusted her.

She closed the door and she stood in front of my door for a minute or two before I heard her footsteps as she walked down the hall. And then I noticed that I was alone in the room.

I was all alone.