The Girl Who Couldn't Feel

“ugh.” I groaned, as I wrapped my swelling wrist. It was definitely sprained. It was about 3 in the morning, and I was standing in the bathroom, almost done caring for my right arm. I had gotten in trouble because Mother told Father about the incident with the shattered light bulb. Father had been really upset. He kept yelling, “What is his father going to think!” I went to the kitchen and put some ice cubes in a zip lock bag. My whole body felt a little heated…was I angry? No, I couldn’t be. Who would I be upset at. There was no one. I wasn’t angry. I couldn’t be mad at Father or Mother. What I did was wrong. Jaden got hurt because of me. It was my fault. I looked at the cut on my finger on my right hand. It wasn’t bleeding anymore; it was just a red line on my finger. I kept staring at it. What was I doing? It was really late (…or early…) and I was really tired, that’s why I was having such weird thoughts. I went back to my room and went to bed.

I woke up early as usual and got dressed for school. When I exited the bathroom, I saw Mother and Jaden in the kitchen talking. That was odd…I was usually gone before Jaden woke up…he was early. I tiptoed to the door, but the lock on the door was louder than I had expected. “Oh, Marie. Wait up. I’ll go with you.” I kept my hand on the door’s handle, not looking back nor moving, and listened to the sound of his footsteps get closer to me. “Let’s go.” He whispered in my ear from behind me. I opened the door and walked out of the house, knowing I couldn’t say anything to him right there. I also tried to keep my right hand in my sweater pocket. Once we reached the sidewalk I stopped and faced Jaden.

“What are you doing?” I mumbled.

“WE’RE walking to school together.” He smiled. Jaden was popular at school, which was not surprising to me, but I preferred to stay out of the spotlight. I didn’t want any attention; I had always been trying to stay out of it. Before I could respond, Jaden reached for my right arm, and I pulled back, pulling my hand out of my sweater pocket, revealing the bandage. “Marie? What…What happened?” he looked at me, confused and worried.

I had been hoping he wouldn’t notice, because I hadn’t planned what to say to him. It was getting harder to lie to him. I felt like he could tell. Now, I had to plan my lies ahead of time to make them sound convincing. “I-I-I fell yesterday…” I muttered. Liar. I could practically hear him thinking that. “Anyways, I don’t want to go to school with you, so just leave me alone.” I walked away quickly, not looking back. Wow, this was an awful start to the day.

As I stepped onto the campus, Tammy was on my side. Recently, she was constantly with me. Though I knew it was my fault since a few days ago, I actually spoke to her. All I said was thank you and that I was lucky to have a friend like her, and since then, she won’t leave. At least she’s very happy; otherwise this might have been annoying. “Mar-Mar!” she exclaimed, but then she paused, and I felt an arm around my shoulder from the opposite side of her. “Oh, you’re Jaden, right?” I heard Tammy say.

“Yeah, I’m a good friend of Marie’s.” he said to Tammy. I glanced over at him. He was definitely upset, upset that I lied and that I had left him. But, I don’t think he knew how serious this was. If it wasn’t for how I was in the past, I would probably be bullied a lot. But before, not that I remembered much, I was a bit violent, and talkative, so people remembered that and left me alone. I wasn’t weak. I could see people staring at us, and I could hear them whispering, “Isn’t that…Marie?” I shrugged Jaden’s arm off me, and grabbed Tammy’s arm, since there was no other way to stop her from talking to Jaden. “Bye, Princess.” I heard Jaden chuckle.

“…Is he why you changed?” Tammy said to me after sometime, as we walked to our first block class, which he had together. We actually had a lot of classes together, but we just usually didn’t talk much…till recently, though even then, it was mostly Tammy who spoke. When I didn’t respond, she asked another question, “Does he know…everything?” I looked up at her, and then looked back.

“Even I don’t know everything…”I whispered, holding in the urge to ask her about what I forgotten. I knew she knew everything. She’d been with me since I was about 7 years old. Yet, when I asked, she never replied. I didn’t take any meaning from that, I knew Parker probably told her not to say anything.

“Th-that’s because of the car accident, you know that Mar-Mar.” she smiled at me. I did remember that. About 5 years ago, I was hit by a car, and because of that, my memories were fuzzy. But, I felt there was more to it; I remembered things from when I was 7. Bits and pieces. But it seemed someone was missing from my memories. The person who’d stayed in my room… but it was pointless trying to come up with the answer. I had tried so many times, and yet I had a feeling, a really strong one, that I should stay away from it all, like I had been doing for years. I wouldn’t find anything good. I sighed and entered the classroom with Tammy. Jaden was in most of my classes, though I think he asked to be in the same classes as me. However, he didn’t have math with me, which was my first block. Class went well, but after, as I walked to my next class, Kelly and a few of her friends surrounded me.

“Marie! You look as ugly as ever.” Kelly laughed, and her friends joined in. Yes, Kelly was the annoying bully who hated me because I had been better than her, and now that I had “fallen” she liked to rub it in. We had gone to the same middle school, so she knew what I was like. However, she had left me alone for a long time…I knew this had to do with Jaden… “So, I heard you have been sucking up to Jaden, and I just wanted to make sure you knew that he was mine.” I kept my eyes down as she spoke and didn’t say anything. I knew it wasn’t true; I didn’t have to say it. “Hey are you listening? Geez, she’s such a loser.” I didn’t care about her or what she said. I just didn’t want trouble. I didn’t need it. I wanted to be ignored. I didn’t need attention.

“Hey, leave her alone you vultures!” I heard Tammy yell. She broke through the crowd, grabbed my left arm, and pulled me through. “Wow, I never thought I’d see the day you were bullied and just stood there.” She muttered.

Other than that, nothing significant happened during school. After school, I headed off campus, when Jaden came up to me and Tammy. “Ready to go home Princess.” He smiled. Oh great, I could already hear people whispering. Kelly was definitely going to bother me tomorrow when she heard. As I pondered about this, Tammy spoke up.

“I don’t care who you are, and you may not realize it but you are really causing Marie a lot of trouble. If you keep this up, she really will start getting bullied.” She growled. Wow, I thought she like him…

“What?” Jaden asked confused.

“Do you think you’re little fan club is going to like Marie! Let’s go Marie.” She said, pulling me away. She could get so worked up sometimes. “You don’t think he’s mad right.” She whispered to me as we walked off. “I was a bit rude.”

“You were fine. He got the message.” I looked at her. I hoped she could see it, though it wasn’t on my face. I hope she saw I was so happy. How did I get such a good friend? Tammy looked at me and smiled.

“I know.” She replied. “So, he’s the guy Parker was talking about. He’s interesting.” She was still smiling. Suddenly, she turned and looked at me. “So, you like him?” I looked up at her, startled by her abruptness. Did I like him? No, I didn’t…

“I see.” She said, though I hadn’t said anything. We reached my home, and I said bye, and left. I started my homework, and Jaden showed up.

“Sorry. I didn’t know.” He said to me.

“Tammy was overreacting, it was nothing.” I mumbled. We did our homework in silence. As I finished, Mother and Candy came home. They had gone to the park and gotten some groceries on the way back. It was dark outside now.

“Mrs. Grace, let me help you get the groceries.” Jaden said. I watched as they brought the groceries in. As Jaden walked in, he left the door open, since his hands were filled with groceries. I looked at the open door. It was bright inside; making it even harder to see what was outside. I realized I could leave. I could run outside, I could go far away. Nobody would even hear me. The lock wouldn’t give my plans away. By the time they realized, I would be gone. No more pain. No more worries. No more remembering the past. I could start over. Alone…the word had such an edge to it. I took a step toward the door, and then another. My eyes were glued to the open door. This was my chance. But I would have to leave everyone. I would have to go far away. Could I do it? I took another step.

“Marie? You all right?” I felt a hand on my shoulder. It was Jaden. I looked at him.

“Y-yeah.” I sighed, as I turned to the door, Mother came through it and closed it once more. “I’m fine.” I nodded, still looking at the door, that just seconds ago had been my escape. And now, it was shut. Would I have gone through it? Would I have run? As I stared at the door, I felt myself unsure of what the answer was…