The Girl Who Couldn't Feel

My head ached, but I still kept walking. Last night, I had slept worse than usual, which is why I had a headache. Jaden had been leaving me alone at school recently, since what Tammy said had him paranoid. It bugged me. He’s been acting odd, always smiling. He’s doing it because of me, but I don’t like it. I’m not stupid. He worries so much. I’m not a child…

I reached school, and, as per usual recently, Tammy was at my side. Though she spent all her time with me, I knew she had other friends, and I knew they were always asking her to hang out, but she would refuse, because of me. I looked at her, as she continued smiling, telling me about something or the other. She didn’t need to be with me constantly. I had to tell her.

“Marie? You listening?” she smiled. I nodded, and she used that as a signal to continue…

As we walked to lunch, Tammy’s friends approached us. “Tammy! You spend no time with us! What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, you guys, I’m just spending some quality time with an old friend.” She smiled at them.

“Why don’t the both of you sit with us!” another one of them said, and they all agreed. I felt Tammy look at me.

“No, Tammy, you go. I’m fine.”

“You sure, I-” Tammy began.

“Stop being annoying. I don’t want your company.” I muttered. Tammy smiled.

“Fine, Marie. I’ll go…we don’t have any classes together after lunch, so…I’ll see you tomorrow?” she looked at me, with a worried expression, that hadn’t changed whenever she left me for the day.

“Yes.” I said, as I turned around and walked away.

I walked to the area where I used to sit when I wanted to be alone. It was the school garden, where nobody went. I sat with my back against one of the many trees and closed my eyes.

“What are you doing here?” I heard someone say. I opened my eyes, though I already knew it was Jaden. “Where’s your friend?” he said, as he sat down in the grass next to me.

“She doesn’t need to keep an eye on me all day.” I whispered. It was quiet for a while, and then he cleared his throat.

“You know, we haven’t talked in a while…”

“There’s nothing to talk about.” I muttered, realizing I was being grumpy for no reason. It wasn’t Jaden’s fault my head ached. Then again, I didn’t care what he thought. Right?...Yeah…

“Well, can I ask you some questions?” I heard him chuckling at my behavior…He found it funny?

“Sure, but you have to answer, too.” I looked at him, carefully.

“Fine.” He smiled, amused. “Well, what's your favorite color.”

My favorite color? I hadn’t thought about it carefully…And then I saw his eyes. I liked that color. It was nice. “Blue,” I responded, “And you?”

“umm…recently, it’s become green.” He smiled. Not a fake smile, it was sincere.

“Why recently?” I asked, looking up at him.

He awkwardly scratched the back of his head, I’d never seen him like this before. So uncomfortable. “Well, it’s because I like the color of your eyes…” he looked at me. “…when I get the privilege to see them.” He smiled. I looked away. What could I say to that?

“…I like your eyes too…” I mumbled, still looking the other way.

“Really?” he responded. My eyes widened. Had I said that out loud? OH. I said it out loud. I turned to face him, so I could say I didn’t know what I was thinking, that I didn’t mean it, but when I did, I found his face only inches from mine, looking straight at me. The whole world felt still. My heart seemed slower, really slow, as if it were going to stop. Everything was quiet. The trees seemed to shade us from everything else that was going on. Then, I realized that Jaden was moving toward me, slowly. I remained still; I didn’t know what to do.

“Jaden!” we heard someone say. Both of us stopped and moved away from each other. Suddenly, my heart was beating so fast, as if to make up for the beats it had missed in those few seconds that it had seemed to slow down. As Jaden ran his hand through his hair, Kelly appeared. “There you are Jaden!” she smiled, but her smile was cut off when she saw me. “What are you doing here with Marie.” She stated. Jaden looked at me; I could see a hint of anger…at the way she talked about me? He seemed to consider something, and then he stood up.

“Nothing.” He said and, oddly enough, I was kind of hurt…though I didn’t get why. “I just happened to see her here…Anyways, what’s up.”

Kelly smirked at me. She then walked up to Jaden, and wrapped her arms around his arm. “Well, the guys are all looking for you! Come on, I’ll take you to them.” Jaden glanced at me, but didn’t say anything. As they walked off, Kelly turned around, just to smirk at me once more. I was annoyed. Well, at least Tammy wasn’t here, she would have gone crazy. It was an amusing thought, picturing me trying to hold her back, as she threatened to pull out every hair on Kelly’s head. She’d always been like that, though she had toned it down since we entered high school. Honestly, it was probably once I changed that she changed too. She always used to laugh and tell me that as my friend, she’d always be what I needed her to be. When I stopped fighting, she did too. I hadn’t been fair to her. She should have just left me alone. I told her to leave so many times, but all she did was hug me. I couldn’t do anything to keep her away. I had tried ignoring her, but she still kept coming back. But, since I thanked her, she was getting so close. It was Jaden’s fault. He made me feel like doing it. He made me forget that I didn’t usually say thank you. I got so used to saying it to him, I completely forgot.

I got up and left my quaint little world, and went back to reality. I didn’t see Tammy, as expected. Her friends probably convinced her to go out with them after school. I walked home alone, but it was lonely. I was used to this. It was normal. Everything else was abnormal.

As I entered the house, Mother saw me. “Get working Marie.” She growled.

“But, my homewo-” I began, but she cut me off.

“Jaden’s at work right now, so you can work as well. Do your homework on your free time.” She replied angrily. I put down my bag in my room and began working. My wrist was still sore, and I still kept it bandaged so no one saw how purple it was. It was getting better though, but working wasn’t helping. Then, Father came through the door, and he was holding the mail in his hand.

“Marie! Marie, you little brat! Get over here!” Father shouted. I didn’t get why he was so mad. He was looking at some letter as I slowly approached him. “LOOK AT THIS!” he said, holding a letter from the school in front of me. It said that I had to go see the counselor at school.

“i-i-It’s not what you think.” I stuttered. “The old counselor…” The old counselor had left, and so the new one had wanted to meet everyone the old counselor had worked with, since he now had all these files. We had been told at school that this would also just be a sort of check-up, to make sure even those who no longer needed counseling could talk to the new counselor, if they had any problems, or just what they were happy about now. I had had to meet the old counselor freshman year, because of the accident I had been in when I was in middle school. But I didn’t get a chance to tell Father all of this before he punched me in the stomach. My knees buckled and I was on the ground immediately.

“What did you tell them! Huh! What did you say!” he said grabbing my hair. I hoped Candy was in her room, I didn’t want her to see this. Then, again, Mother had probably taken her there and closed herself in as well. My stomach hurt, and I tried speaking though it was hard.

“n-n-no, F-F-Father.” I tried speaking.

He began dragging me by my hair towards the backyard door. “You’ll be sleeping outside today you brat! Think about what you’ve done!” he yelled as he threw me outside. “Don’t you make too much noise, or I’ll come out there!” he yelled. I quickly got up and headed for the door, but he shut it in my face.

“F-F-Father! It’s not w-w-what you th-th-think.” I said through the pain when I banged both my arms on the door. After a while, my right wrist hurt too much, and I stopped banging, and I slowly slid to the ground with my back on the door. It was cold outside. I wasn’t wearing my sweater, since I had taken it off and left it in my room, so it felt even colder. I just closed my eyes.

A little while later, I heard the front door open. “Jaden, you’re back!” I heard Mother say happily. Ah, Jaden was back. I could hear him walking into the kitchen. It was late, so it was already time for dinner.

“Where’s Marie?” I heard Jaden ask. I automatically listened closely.

“She-she’s at a friend’s house. She told us she wanted to sleep over there tonight.” I heard mother say.

“Tammy’s house?” he asked.

“Y-yes, I believe that’s who.” Mother replied.

“It’s funny, Tammy didn’t mention it. I happened to see her as I left school.”

“Oh, well…Anyways, why don’t we eat, huh? I made vegetable pizza.”

“Pizza!” I heard Candy say. “Can Marie come and have pizza?”

“Dear, she’s not here.” Father said to her, laughing.

I stopped listening. I was tired and cold. This was normal though. This was normal. My eyes weren’t wet, or anything. I didn’t feel anything. But, it was normal. I closed my eyes and fell asleep, leaning against the door, outside in the backyard, in my thin long sleeve shirt and my jeans. This wasn’t abnormal, though. Everything else was. Things these days weren’t normal. They weren’t normal at all. But I think I was beginning to like the change…