I'm Scared

I entered class on Monday and sat at the desk TJ and I shared, feeling the nerves fly through my stomach. This was my first test in university and I needed to do well.

A sense of relief washed over me as TJ walked into the class room. He met my eyes and gave me a reassuring grin and a nod, walking over to me quickly.

“You ready?” he asked as he sat down beside me, swiveling in his chair so that he was facing me.

I placed my elbows on the table and rested my head in one of my hands, turning towards him.

“I guess. You?”

He nodded. “You got this, Emmaline.”

I smiled meekly. “Thanks, Teej.”

“Teej?” He raised an eyebrow at me.

I blushed. “Sorry, don’t know where that came from.”

TJ shook his head and grinned. “I like it. Can I call you Em?”

I giggled and nodded in agreement. We both stopped talking as the professor walked in, and I tried to hide my surprise as I felt TJ place his hand on my knee and give it a quick squeeze before the test began.

After class, I enjoyed the fresh air that hit me as soon as I stepped outside. I took a deep breath. TJ glanced at me, amused.

“It wasn’t so bad.”

I nodded in agreement. “No, I just freak out over these things. I pride myself on good grades.” I turned to him and grinned. “Way to go, study partner.” He grinned and we fist pumped. I burst into laughter after at how ridiculous that was and he joined me.

I think I liked his laugh a little bit more than I realized.

TJ placed his hands in his pockets. “Do you want to grab lunch?”

Three weeks ago, I would have said no in a heartbeat.

“I’m starving.”

******

"So, let me get this straight. You plus TJ Oshie, the hot hockey player, were alone, at a cafe, together. For lunch. And he paid," Leslie repeated. We were sitting in our dorm, eating sandwiches she had brought for us to eat for supper.
I
nodded and blushed, causing her to squeal.

"You're blushing! That was so a date."

I shook my head. "He really is cute, Leslie, but we're just good friends."

"Uh-uh," Leslie said, raising an eyebrow. I gave her a look and she let it go.

"How are you and Jonathan?"

Leslie shrugged. "He kissed me last night..."

It was my turn to squeal. Leslie and Jonathan had been seeing each other since they bumped into one another two weeks ago on campus and he asked her to dinner. "Is he a good kisser?"

Leslie giggled and fell back on the end of my bed, where she had been sitting. "Oh my
gosh, Em, you have no idea."

When she said Em, my mind instantly went back to this morning when I had called TJ 'Teej'. I was thinking about his laugh when I had said it when Leslie snapped her fingers in front of my face.

"Earth to Emma. Emmaline?"

I blushed and focused on her face. "Sorry, just... thinking."

Leslie smirked. "Oh yeah? About what?"

"You know what." I swatted her on the arm and she laughed.

"Seriously, Em, there's no reason for you not to like him."

I thought about it. Technically she was right; he had proved himself to me time and time again. But there was still that voice in my mind telling me to be careful.

­
***

I woke up two days later with a sore throat and with my head feeling as if there was someone standing on it. I sat up groggily and looked over at Leslie, who was still sound asleep. I grabbed some Advil from the bathroom and went back to bed. Before I fell asleep, I wrote Leslie a note saying, "Don't wake me - I don't feel well. Love you, Em"

The next thing I heard was a soft knock at my door and a voice calling out, "Emmaline?"

I sighed and stood up, yawning. I felt a bit better now, but my nose was still stuffed up and the foot that was holding my head down was still somewhat present, although not applying so much pressure. I opened the door, running my hands through my hair.

"TJ?" My eyes widened and I glanced down at my appearance. A simple white tank top and my light blue fluffy pajamas. My hair had fallen out of it's ponytail overnight, and I probably looked like a mental case.

TJ smiled at me sympathetically. "I heard you were sick. I brought the notes from today, some tea, and some chicken soup. Leslie told me it was your favorite."

I looked down at the paper bag in his hands and my stomach grumbled. My hand flew to it, and I gave TJ a weak smile. He laughed and I stepped back so he could come in. His body brushed against mine, and I felt my body heat up instantly. TJ took a look around the room, placing the bag on the desk, and let out a low whistle.

"Nice crib."

"Did you just say crib?"

"I did. Seriously though, the guys' dorms aren't like this. Do girls always get it better?"

I scoffed. "Do you want me to start with the periods and baby pains?"

TJ held up his hands in surrender and I noticed the papers in his hands. I scrunched up my nose and let out a groan, reaching for them. He handed them to me and I sat down on the edge of my bed, reading them over.

"You guys started a new unit today?!" I exclaimed. "I'm so screwed."

"Chill, Em." I smiled. "If you don't mind me staying, I'll go over it with you. I've got all night."

I hesitated, reading over the notes before nodding. "Yeah, I think I can use your help." I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror Leslie had put up and frowned. "Um, I'm just going to go change-"

TJ sighed and cut me off. "Stay in your warm pj's, Emmaline. You're sick."

"But-"

"You look beautiful no matter what, Em."

There was silence as what he said registered in my mind. Our eyes met, and I knew my mouth was slightly ajar. I quickly closed it, taking a deep breath and tearing my gaze away from his. "Um..."

TJ's face fell and he quickly said, "I'm sorry. I was just being honest, I didn't mean to make you feel-"

"Teej," I said, causing a slight smile to reappear on his lips. "It's okay. Thank you... for that. I just didn't, um," I laughed nervously. "Expect that to come out of your mouth."

"What do you mean?" he furrowed his brows in confusion.

I don't know why I started to say what I did, but it's like my word censor stopped working.

"Well you don't seem like the type to ever use the word beautiful. I could go for 'hot', 'sexy', 'a babe', any of those... but not beautiful..." I realized what I had said and stared at the floor. I would have said something to fix what had just come out of my mouth, but my mind was blank.

TJ inhaled a sharp breath. "I don't know what I ever did to make you think I was a jerk. You thought I was going to stand you up at the library, you were surprised when I offered to pay for lunch..." He sounded hurt, and I wanted to punch myself. I ran my hands through my hair.

"Crap, TJ. I just..." I sighed. I guess I had to explain myself somehow. "The day I met you, I thought you were an idiot. You know, one of 'those' guys," I said, making air quotes around the word 'those'. I glanced at him, and he was staring at the wall in front of him. "You've proved me wrong, I just..." You just what, Emma? You're scared to fall for the guy? Yeah, go ahead, tell him that. "I don't know. I guess first impressions are strong. I'm sorry, TJ."

TJ seemed to think for a moment before replying, "I guess I come off that way sometimes." He paused. "I guess I am that way sometimes..." He frowned. "I know I shouldn't act like that, like I'm better than everyone. I'm not. I'm an athlete, so I thought it came with the territory."He laughed slightly. "Even Jonathan's not a jerk. I don't know why I thought I had to be."

I was shocked at his sudden spill of thought, and it took me a moment to recover. "You're right, though. A lot of athletes are idiots. That's why the term 'jock' isn't considered a good thing anymore."

TJ nodded in agreement.

"Look, Teej." He finally turned to look at me, and the smile was back on his face. "Let's try this again. Thanks for the compliment."

"You're welcome. I meant it."

A few hours later, I was leaning against the wall on my bed, while TJ sat in the chair by the desk.

"So, what's your name stand for?"

We had stopped studying a few minutes ago.

TJ chuckled. "Um..." He scratched his chin. "I go by Timothy 'T.J.' Oshie. I don't think the J really stands for anything."

I burst into laughter. "That's really creative." I shivered and pulled my blanket up around my shoulders.

"You okay?"

I nodded. "Y-your turn." I gave him a weak smile as my teeth chattered.

He gazed at me, then asked, "What's your middle name?"

"Jane." I felt my entire body shake and pulled the blanket up to my chin.

"Emmaline Jane Ross," he said. "Thats nice." He paused. "Are you sure you're okay?"

I nodded unconvincingly, and he gave me a look. I frowned and shook my head. "It's really cold."

TJ stood up from his chair and walked over to the edge of Leslie's bed, where there was a blanket. "Can I take this?"

I nodded, and he walked to the other side of the bed. He crawled onto it beside me and pulled the blanket around the two of us. I looked up at him, blushing, and he smiled slightly before hesitantly wrapping his arms around my body. I paused for only one second before resting my head on his shoulder and cuddling into him. I placed my hand on his chest and pulled him even closer, closing my eyes as his warmth enveloped me. He smelled like heaven.

"Is that better?"

I nodded, not daring to meet his eyes. Who knew what I would do with him this close to me?

"Your turn for a question."

I debated. "When did you decide you wanted to play hockey for a living?"

"When I saw my first NHL game."

"How old were you?"

"That's two questions, Em."

I rolled my eyes. Answer, Teej."

He chuckled. "I was 3."

I turned to him with wide eyes. "No way."

He nodded. "Yeah." I turned away and leaned into his chest again.

"Wow."

"What about you? What do you want to do?"

I shrugged. "I think I want to be a doctor."

"Whoa there, smart girl, slow down. You're making me look bad," he teased.

I pulled away from him slightly, so that I could turn my body to face his. I rested my head against the wall and he kept his arms around me, although they were a bit looser than before. "You're taking chemistry," I pointed out. "Although... I didn't see you as a chemistry kind of guy." I grinned.

TJ laughed, and he looked down at the bed. "Yeah. Is it that hard to believe I'm into something other than hockey?"

I shook my head. "No, TJ. You're a smart guy."

He gave me a smile. "Thanks, Emmaline. I just find science and math interesting. If I don't make it into the NHL, I think I'll be a doctor, too."

"Trying to steal my thunder?" I giggled. "It's good to have a plan, but you're going to make it into the NHL."

"How do you know? You've never seen me play." TJ raised an eyebrow.

I blushed. "Leslie told me."

TJ nodded. "Ah. Speaking of the roommate, when's she going to be home?"

I took hold of his wrist and looked at the time. "Any minute."

"Think we should move?"

I frowned. He was so warm... "Probably."