The Lace Masquerade

October 25, 2010
3:28 PM
Location-Home
Feeling: Pissed


Oh, but he did.

Why did this HAVE to happen? I mean, seriously. Things were going great. I was supposed to go over to hang out with Fitz after school, just work on English and talk. Nothing big. And then at lunch, Adam looked like he was about to cry. Turns out, Fitz and Owen decided to throw him into a door. Yeah, a door. I’m pretty sure I wasn’t the only one at the lunch table who was ready to kick Fitz’s ass (not that I already haven’t…).

I don’t even know what to do. Should I go over there and bitch him out? Should I just leave it and act like nothing happened? Should I just…drop him all together, and try and ignore the way my heart fluttered that first day, and still does every time I see him?

5:45 PM

I chose option number one. Going over there, I mean. I hadn’t even changed out of my clothes from school, so I walked over, my keys and cell I hand, and knocked on the door. I expected him to answer, but he didn’t. His mom did. The same woman from the picture on his fridge; with the same eyes, the same hair color. I had to take a step back, I was so surprised. I mean, sure, I knew his mom lived there. Duh. But I hadn’t seen her around the times that I’d been there.

“Can I help you?” she asked politely, and smiled. God. Fitz really did look like her.

“Uh, hi, Mrs. Fitzgerald.” I assumed that was her last name…Fitz’d said he kept his mom’s maiden name, the same one she went by. “I’m Hollie. I live down the street?” I waved in the vague direction of my house, and gave her a polite smile back. “I’m a…friend of Mark’s.” I didn’t know if he went by his last name around here too, so I just went with the safest bet. “Is there any way I could talk to him?” I knew he was home. His car was in the driveway. That light silver Crysler that I’d seen on the first day and almost envied. Almost.

“Oh, you’re Hollie!” She seemed happily surprised. “I was beginning to think Mark was making you up.” I gave a little laugh and shook my head. So he’d been talking about me? To his mom? This wasn’t the time to be happy though. I was still pissed. “He’s right in here.” She opened the door, and I headed straight for the kitchen, where she’d pointed. Sure enough, Fitz was sitting there, at the same bar I’d sat down at last week, holding ice and a rag to his right hand. I heard his mom come in behind me, and Fitz looked at her pleadingly.

“Could you give us a few, Mom?” He gave her a smile, and I did the same, and she gave us a confused look before leaving the room. I waited a few seconds before I said anything.

“You get that from throwing Adam?” I pointed to his hand, which was bruised and cut.

“No. That little ass Drew came at me after school. And actually, Owen was the one who threw Adam. Or whatever her name is.” I crossed my arms.

“Oh, really? And you just stood by and watched as he threw someone into a glass door?” My voice got a little louder. “Fitz, what the hell were you thinking? He’s one of my best friends.”

“I wasn’t thinking,” he said cooly. “Bianca told us-

“Oh, God. Fitz, really? You went on something Bianca said? You’re the one who told me she’s always either too high or drunk to think straight.” He ignored me and kept on with what he was saying

“Bianca told us that Adam hit on her. And she found something out. Adam isn’t a he. Adam is a girl.” He seemed to be waiting for my reaction, and I just shook my head and raised my eyebrows.

“And? So? He was born a girl. Your point?”

“You knew?” He looked shocked, and leaned forward on the counter. “You knew she wasn’t a guy?”

“Adam is a he, Fitz.” He shook his head, but I pressed on. “No matter what he may look like under his clothes, he’s a guy. Trust me on this. I know him.” He gave me a look.

“Owen was the one who saw him go into the guys bathroom. He suggested we just kick him out. I didn’t know he was going to pick the guy up and throw him. But I had to go along with it. It would have looked weird if I hadn’t.”

“Would have looked weird?” I scoffed, and then put my phone and keys down on the bar, one hand going to my face. “Fitz. Adam is one of my best friends. I thought we’ve been over the fact that you don’t need to be two different people at home and at school, especially when it involves beating my friends up.”

“Well apparently I do,” he said, and I could tell he was getting a little aggravated. “Hollie, my mom doesn’t know half of the shit I get into. And I don’t want her to. But honestly, sometimes I need to have fun with the guys. Get drunk, scope out girls. And Owen and Tyler are my only guy friends at the moment. They look-

“Yeah, I know. I know.” I gritted my jaw and looked at him. “They look up to you.” I sighed. “But having fun doesn’t mean you have to do everything they want to do either. I can understand wanting to get so wasted you forget your name. Seriously, I do. But just because you do that with the guys, doesn’t mean you have to do everything else they do. And I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again. If they look up to you so much, then maybe if you start acting a little nicer at school, they’ll change too.”

“Oh really?” Now he sounded almost…snarky. Like Eli, only not in a kidding way. “You’re so sure about that, huh?” He held the ice tighter to his hand. “How do you know they won’t ditch me? How do you know they won’t find another person to lead, or even one of them take over, the second I say no to a joint or they find out I’m ditching to hangout with you? To play cards, or work on English homework.”

“And that’s so bad. Getting good grades, and being able to walk in a straight line.” I shook my head. “And maybe they will, Fitz. If they do, then they’re really not worth your time.” I was trying to make him see, make him realize that he was better than all of that. He could do so much better than the people that made others feel like the lowest of the low. Hell, three years ago I was friends with the same type of people. But then I became friends with Sasha and Dakota and Debbie, and things got so much better.

“You really don’t get it, do you?” He was talking to me like I was a child. Yes, Fitz. Because one year is such an age difference. It’s mind blowing. “You came in first day and made friends everywhere. Saint Clare and Goldsworthy, Fiona. If I loose Owen and Tyler as friends, I’ve got no one.” He shook his head, and looked down at his hand. “They’re the only ones I’ve got. Everyone else hates me.” I stood there for a second, trying to decide what to do. A part of me, somewhere, wanted to reach out and hug Fitz. He looked so…open and vulnerable. But there was another, bigger part of me that was insulted. He thought I had it easy. Starting a whole new life, with whole new people. New town, new school. And he thought that he had no one? He really believed that if Owen and Tyler ditched him, there would be no one there for him? I felt like he’d just metaphorically spit in my face.

“Fine.” I picked up my keys and phone, and crossed my arms with them in my hands. “If that’s the way you feel, then I guess I’ll just leave.” For the first time, he seemed to realize what he’d said, and how he’d said it. His eyes widened, and he looked almost…sorry. Almost.

“No, wait, Hollie.”

“It’s okay, Fitz.” I turned to walk away. “You’ve made it very clear that you don’t think I’m going to be there for you.” I turned back around, briefly. “So I’m not.” And with that, I walked away. Just walked straight out of the house. And I’m still in my room right now, bawling my eyes out. How could I have been so stupid? How could I have thought that he actually might have wanted me for anything other than a booty call and someone to hit on occasionally? It just makes me want to…ugh! Throw something. I don’t know what to do.

10:27 PM

Well, I did something. Fiona called about twenty minute after I last posted to ask if I wanted to meet her for a latte at The Dot, and then heard me sniffling in the background. She told me not to move a muscle, and ten minutes later she and Declan were at my house. I have no idea how she knew where I lived. Maybe I’d mentioned it? But anyways, she was holding a bottle of champagne when I answered the door, and Declan came bearing a bouquet of flowers and a box of tissues. They didn’t even know why I was upset, and yet they were fully prepared. Fiona even had a stash of Godiva chocolate in her bag. Declan searched through my kitchen cabinets, trying to find glasses, while I collapsed at the kitchen table with Fi and, through sniffles and sobs, explained to her what was going on. I felt like an idiot. I still do. But Fiona didn’t seem to think I was.

“Fitz is an ass,” she said, and then Declan handed her two flutes of champagne, one of which she handed to me. “But I’ve talked to girls who have gone out with him before, and they’ve all said that he’s a sweetheart when they’re alone.”

“It’s just when he’s with his friends that’s the problem.” I groaned and hid my head in my arms.

“Wait,” I heard Declan say. I looked up to see him holding his glass of champagne close to his mouth. “You’re this upset about a guy? Like Fitz?” I gave him a drowsy, sarcastic look and took a sip of my drink at the same time he did.

“Oh, I’m sorry hun. Should I be upset over something else? Something that our parents would be upset about? Global warming? The dolphins, perhaps.” Now I was just rambling. Champagne did that to me. You’d think Vodka would, but champagne is like…ten times worse. But seriously, Decs. Show some sympathy for the broken girl.

“Declan, stop being so un-empathetic. She liked this…guy. And he screwed her over.” I nodded and took another sip. Before I knew what was happening, I was being dragged downstairs. By Fiona. And Declan somehow managed to figure out the new TV faster than I had, because ten minutes later he’d popped in a bag of microwave popcorn upstairs and was coming back just as the opening credits for Kick Ass came on.

“Figured you could use some perverted humor and gore at this point,” Declan said with a small smile, and then sat on the other side of me. I spent most of the movie trying not to think about what’d happened earlier tonight. Declan and I munched on the popcorn as I stared blankly at the screen. Okay, so I was distressed. But no amount of boy drama is going to keep me from oogling Aaron Johnson.

October 26, 2010
12:54 AM
Location-Lunch
Feeling: shocked

I met up with Clare first period, and prayed that the amount of under-eye cover up was good enough to hide my lack of sleep last night. I spent most of the time in bed after Fi and Declan left tossing and turning. I mentally kicked myself when I finally crawled out of bed this morning for loosing sleep over Fitz. I mean, really, what was it going to do? But the only thing I could think about all night was the look on his face when he said that he had no one but Owen and Tyler.

But after class, when Clare and I went to meet up with Adam and Eli, I couldn’t find Adam. I looked around, trying to spot his usual baggy pants and knit hat, but there was no sign of either. And that’s when I saw them. There was a girl, with short brown hair wearing a white peasant blouse and blue jacket, talking to Eli across the hall. When Clare called Eli to get his attention, the girl turned around, and I almost dropped my books. It was Adam. Clare and I looked at each other…both of us equally shocked.

“Whoa,” I said as I approached them. “Adam…what happened?” He gave me a small smile and glanced at Eli before talking.

“It’s Gracie.” He looked down, and then spoke again. “And nothing happened. This is just…who I am.” I thought my heart was going to fall right out of my chest. He sounded so…desperate. Like he was reaching out for an answer. Some acceptance. I wanted to hug him.

It wasn’t until a few minutes ago, at lunch, that I understood why. His mom. His freaking mom convinced him that life as Gracie would be easier. How is living a lie easier than being who you are?

“But…” Clare started. “Adam, this isn’t you. This isn’t who you were meant to be.”

“Oh really?” he asked, taking a bite of his sandwich. “Cause last time I checked, I was born a girl.”

“It doesn’t matter what you were born as.” I stopped him short, leaning in. “Hell, you could be born a mouse and want to be a guy. Have you never seen Tales of Desperaux?” Eli let out a little laugh. “Adam, all that matters is what’s in your mind and heart. That’s the only thing anyone will care about if they’re really worth having in your life.” Adam was close to tears. And I felt bad. I shouldn’t have made him cry! But I needed to get the point across.

4:02 PM

I was still stressing about Adam until after school. I’d gone to the StuCo room to drop off a mix CD for Sav, and ended up catching up with Anya on my way out. She was reorganizing the costume room in the back of the theatre room so they could get everything back in it and have room to store dance stuff, and I volunteered to help. That would be when Clare walked in, pulling a red-eyed Adam behind her. My heart dropped. What could’ve happened? Clare looked surprised to see me cleaning with Anya, but pulled me aside.

“Do you think you could grab Adam some boy’s clothes from the costume room?” I think the grin that arose on my face then told her how happy I was. Anya gave me a questioning look when I grabbed the baggiest hoodie and pants I could find in Adam’s side (I guessed), but I muttered that I’d explain it later, and went to give the clothes to Adam. I lead him to the boys dressing rooms and waited outside as he changed. Before he came out, the door to the threatre room opened and closed, and I turned to see Clare coming back in with Drew following close behind. Clare gave us all a small smile and then told me she had to be home to go to some function with her parents. Drew and I stood there for a second, waiting for Adam to come outside. I hadn’t really talked to Drew that much, only a few passing words as I waited for him and Alli to detach before first period. But when Adam came out, still looking teary eyed, but dressed in boys clothes at last, and I pulled him into a long hug, the look Drew gave me was speckled with not only mild curiosity, like he didn’t know Adam and I were really friends, but what looked like appreciation. I smiled back, and then heard Adam let out a sob.

“Are you okay?” I pulled back, and realized he wasn’t sobbing. He was laughing.

“I’m fine.” He wiped under his eyes, making sure he wasn’t crying. “It’s just…I can’t believe I actually thought I could go back to being Gracie.” I smiled, and he held the clothes in front of him, turning to face both of us. “And these clothes…God.” All three of us let out little laughs, and Drew took the clothes from Adam’s hands, giving us both a look.

“I think we should get rid of them somehow.” He looked down at them. “Burry them?” Adam looked like he was thinking, and then his eyes lit up.

“I know what we should do.”

7:06 PM

So. Adam’s awesome idea entailed fire.

Just a little bit of a backstory. Me and fire, yeah, we don’t mix. Last summer, I was filming in Hawaii for a movie I was doing. We were doing a luau scene, and of course, you know, that included me in a grass skirt (because apparently girls in bikini tops and grass skirts sells more tickets). Well, to make a long story very short, things caught on fire. Filming was halted for two days because my mom threw a fit, but really, I was fine. The second Lucas (yeah, Till) realized I was on fire, he grabbed the blanket he had laying out from taking a nap that day and wrapped me in it, effectively taking the fire out.

But when I got out of my car after following Eli’s directions to where he and Adam already where, and saw smoke rising, I turned back to Clare.

“We’re burning the clothes?”

“I don’t know! Adam just said we were getting rid of them.” We walked up in time to see Eli and Adam poking the fire with a stick, making it a little bigger.

“I thought it would be a good way of saying goodbye to Gracie without hurting myself,” Adam said.

“Guys, what’s going…” But before anyone could hear what I was asking, I heard footsteps behind us, and then there was a little bird calling sound. We all turned to see Drew walking towards us, grasping the clothes in his hands, his mom and dad trailing behind him. I felt a momentary burn of hate going towards Mrs. Torres. REALLY? YOU REALLY HAD TO CONVINCE YOUR SON TO BECOME A GIRL?

“D’you force her to come?” Adam said, leaning his chin towards his mom.

“Nope,” Drew said, coming between Adam and Eli. I stayed off in the distance, behind Clare, and watched as he handed the blouse to Adam. “Are we gonna do this? We got some ugly ass clothes to burn.” I nodded in agreement. The top was kind of ugly. Adam’s parents walked up, and Drew threw the jacket in the fire, Adam following suit before Mr. Torres handed Adam a picture. I took a few steps over and glanced at it over the fire. It was a picture of Adam as a girl. I could tell, the face looked the same.

“You sure?” he asked his parents. They nodded, and he seemed to hesitate for a minute.

“Not ready to burn it?” Drew asked him.

“It’s still me.” I gave Adam a small smile over the fire as drew wrapped his arm around Adam’s shoulders in a brotherly way, and then Mrs. Torres kissed his cheek. It was an extremely cute family moment. That was promptly interrupted.

“Uh, Hollie,” Eli started. I looked to him, still smiling, and raised my eyebrows. He raised his back and then pointedly looked down at my leg. I looked down to see what he was staring at, and for the first time felt a strange heat on my leg at the same time I saw the yellow and orange flames licking at my jeans.

I WAS ON FIRE.

For the second. Bloody. Time.

In the end, Adam managed to put it out with his jacket. But the whole situation ended up with me on the floor on the other side of the fire, with Adam bent over me wrapping his jacket around my leg. I think Drew got pictures.

October 28, 2010
10:54 AM
Location-Lunch
Feeling: shocked

So, apparently we’re all going to the dance? All of us being me, Clare, Eli and Adam. After first period, Clare and I were walking to Chem when Eli and Adam caught up with us. Adam, who was finally back to normal, beanie hat and all, was chipper. More chipper than usual (if you’ll believe it).

“So…” Adam started, just keeping pace with us.

“So…” Clare echoed. “Aren’t your classes like…halfway across school?”

“Yeah,” Eli said. “But we have something to ask you two.” Clare glanced at me, her eyebrows raised, and I shrugged. I was just as clueless as she was.

“The dance is Friday,” Adam said, hitching his hands in his pockets. “And we wanted to know…if maybe you guys wanted to go with us?” He looked so hopeful, I thought my heart was going to melt.

“Not as like…dates or anything,” Eli corrected, giving Adam a look. “But like…a group thing.” I looked at Clare, and she was already glancing at me. Her face said “aw, what the hell?”

“Sounds good to me!” So I guess it’s official? After Chem though, on my way to French, I caught up with Adam in the hall. “So this isn’t like, a date…right?” He looked confused. “Cause, I love you Adam, but not like-

He interrupted me with a loud laugh. “Hollie, calm down!” He shook his head. “It was my idea, yeah. But I wasn’t trying to ask I you out.” I raised my eyebrows at him. “I did it so Eli would finally ask Clare out.” My eyes widened, and for the first time I realize his reasoning.

“Oh my God,” I said as we continued to walk. “Adam…you’re a genius.” He gave me a grin, and I linked my arm through his as we walked down the hallway.

“I know, right?” He gave a fake, poppin the collar type of gesture, and I rolled my eyes. “What happened to your jeans yesterday? I didn’t get a chance to check and see if they were good. I just wanted to make sure you were okay.” I laughed, but inside my heart swelled a little. This guy was ahdorable. If he was my type, I totally would have gone for him. But sadly, I was still slightly hung up over earlier this week.

Not that I could vent to anyone but Fiona and Declan about it.

“They’re trashed,” I said simply. “But it’s cool. I’m going to Queen Street with Fiona tonight anyways, so I’ll get some new ones while we’re there.”

“You better get a costume while you’re there!” Adam said. I stopped, dead in my tracks. Shit. I’d completely forgotten about getting costumes!

“Crap!” I said it out loud, not meaning too. With all that’d been racing through my head all day, I hadn’t even started to think about what I was going to wear. Usually, around Halloween, I had so many parties and events to go to that my PS, or personal stylist, Mel, just had a rack of costumes in my size on stand by in my dressing room at home. I would just pick whatever I wanted to go out in. But this year…I had to do it on my own. For the first time ever.

“Just let me know what you get so I can coordinate with you. I think Eli’s doing the same with Clare.” I gave Adam a pleased look, and leaned my head on his shoulder as we neared my class.

“You are seriously awesome. You know that?”

“It’s been known to happen.” I really think Eli is starting to effect Adam. Smugness is contagious.

8:48 PM

I GOT IT I GOT IT I GOT IT!

I finally got my Halloween costume! Well, costumes, plural. One for the dance, one for actual Halloween. That’s a long story.

After I last wrote, Clare and I got to talking. And then I texted Fiona. And then we all decided it would be best if we all went shopping. Together. Holly J had some stuff she needed to get still, and Fiona never misses and excuse to shop. Clare needed to get her costume too. And after much prodding from me, and the temptation that afterwards we’d go see the new Fortnight movie in theatres, she agreed.

I also forgot to mention….someone bought me a ticket. For the dance, I mean. It wasn’t Clare. It wasn’t Eli. And it wasn’t Adam. I’d found the envelope in my locker when I went to go get my lunchbox. It fell out when I opened my door, and Adam picked it up. I opened it to find a piece of folded paper that read Hope to see you there. And there was a ticket tucked inside. I asked Anya, who was manning the ticket table, if she knew who bought it, but she had no idea.

So someone wants me there, I guess.

As soon as school let out, we met Fi and Holly J at the Dot, got some lattes, and headed over to Queen Street. As Clare and Holly J explained through laughs, something happened last year with Clare and Declan? The second I mentioned what movie we were seeing after we all parted ways, Holly J looked fit to burst with laughter. Apparently, after Clare and KC broke up (HOW THE FUCK DID THAT GET STARTED? No offence, but Eli=much better), Clare got this crazy crush on Declan and started writing fan fiction about him. Fortnight crossover fan fiction.

I must admit, I was both surprised and pleased hearing this. I had no idea that Clare was that much of a writer. I mean, I knew she was good in English. I’d read her papers. But outside of class was a different story for most. I myself enjoyed a good Edmund fan fic every once in a while. That is…for the laughs. Edmund was NOTHING in comparison to Trevor, the lovable warewolf of the series.

We searched store after store, trying to find costumes. But no place seemed to have anything that was good.

I’m kind of hard to shop for, in case I haven’t mentioned it before. I’m a size 11 in the hips, but a 6 in the top, so finding things that flatter is a pain in the ass. Clare seemed to share the same predicament as we tried on dress after pantsuit after lederhosen. Yes. I said lederhosen.

And finally, we found them. The first ones we found were for Halloween. We’d made plans with Eli, Adam, and then a few other randoms (Alli, Drew, Dave, Connor, etc) to go trick-or-treating in my neighborhood on Sunday night, and we all needed different costumes for that as well.

Clare found her Halloween costume first. A powder blue poodle skirt with a built in top that was hiding in the back racks of the vintage store we walked into as we were about to give up. And I found mine; a simple blue and white tank, with pieces of curling, translucent material in the same colors with rhinestones hanging down, and a pair of powder blue shorts, with flowy wings in the same colors and a rhinestone blue headband/stretchy…thingy. It was supposed to be some sort of water nymph thing. It looked cute as hell, and I’m pretty sure seeing Fitz’s face when we stop by his house on Sunday will be lulz-worthy enough to cover the 70 dollar price tag.

Ugh. I’d been avoiding thinking about that all day. Fitz. Hearing the name made me want to hurl. Did I mention he got suspended? Yeah. For a week. I found out through Clare, who heard it from Alli, who heard it from Jenna, who heard Anya talking about it with Chantay, who heard it from Riley, who heard it from Owen. It’s like a giant game of telephone. Only, it seems to be true. Because he wasn’t at lunch when we went outside, and I haven’t heard anything from him all day. Yesterday, I got about five text messages from him asking to meet him outside, or in some secluded classroom to “talk.” As if! But Mrs. Torres apparently told Mr. Simpson what happened and he got called to the principals office this morning right before lunch. And I haven’t heard from him since.

Clare and I found….them, just as we were about to leave the shop. I turned around, ready to leave, and saw a flash of red and white right out of the corner of my eye. They. Were. Perfect.

It took a little prodding to get Clare to try it on, but Holly J and I tag teamed and told her how Eli would just go nuts to see her in white. Little virginal Clare would just be all the more tempting in her dress.

I, on the other hand, had no one specific to tempt. So therefore, I just chose the one that was both sluttier, and more my style (even though usually the two don’t go together).

In the end, we convinced her to get it. The price tags on either weren’t that bad, and they came with the accessories, so the only thing we needed were shoes. As we were looking around the shoe section at Nordstrom, I realized I had a pair of white satin pumps that would look perf. with Clare’s dress. So we went back home to my house, but when I got into the driveway, all four of us piled in my car, I noticed my mom’s car was in the garage. She wasn’t supposed to be home. She was going to something for my dad in the city. When we walked into the house, I heard talking coming from the Kitchen, and we all walked into the room.

Marcie. Marcie was sitting at the table with my mom.

Yeah. That’s right. Best friend from back home Marcie.

I think the squeal I emitted was enough to break someone’s ear drums.