Adolescent

Nine thirty quickly came and I wasn’t ready like I thought I would be. I stumbled over my room, pulling my shoes on in the process. I growled lowly to myself when I fell face first into my bathroom. Cursing under my breath, I crawled up and sat, pulling my shoe over my foot with ease.

I eventually got to my feet and shuffled my wet hair back with my fingers. My phone began to go off, telling me that Devin was sitting outside of my house. With my toothbrush in my mouth I answered, “Hello?”

“Why are you talking so weird?”Devin chuckled.

“Brushin’ my teeth.”I spit into the sink before turning back to the phone.”I’ll be out in one minute, Dev.”

“Alright. Hurry your sweet ass up!”I hung up and quickly came to a finish.

I brushed my hair back, not taking the time to dry it and fix it. I grabbed my bag before stumbling through my bedroom door. As I passed my parents I said my goodbyes, hugging and kissing them on the way out.

“Got your cell?!”My dad called after me.

“Yes!”I ran through the front door and finished with, “Yes, ma, got my cigarettes too! Love you guys! Bye!”

When I finally sat down in Devin’s car I breathed heavily. I hadn’t had that much running exercise in a long time. I dug my hand into my purse and grabbed my cigarettes with a smile.

“You’re out of breath,”Devin laughed.”and you’re going to have a cigarette?”

“Would it be better if I started asking for a greasy cheeseburger?”I grinned.

“At nine thirty in the morning? I’d be scared.”I smiled as I brought the flame to my cancer stick.

I was nervous all over again, knowing I was going to meet Jimmy. Granted, this whole event was going to be cleared and pushed behind us, hopefully, but I couldn’t help but have butterflies in my stomach. I wanted Jimmy and Devin to meet, but was also afraid of how that would go.

Devin can be a very serious guy when it comes down to it; this would be one of those times. I would hate for them to fight or not get along well at all. I licked my lips as he fiddled with the radio, trying to chose a song for the ride. He groaned loudly before dropping his hand to the side.

“There’s never anything good on in the morning.”He frowned.

“I can look through your Ipod.”I grinned.”Can I pick a song?”

“You? You want to touch my ipod? I don’t think so sweetheart.”He smirked.

“I wont break it! I promise!”I exhaled slowly, giggling quietly at the end.

“That’s why you broke my radio, my power button on my tv and my xbox.”He looked over at me, playfully narrowing his eyes.

“Please?”I begged.

“Why not. What’s another two hundred dollars down the drain?”He handed the Ipod over with a smile.

“I’m going to dedicate this song to you, Dev.”I chuckled, pressing play on the Ipod.

He listened for a second before bursting into laughter. He shook his head as I giggled myself. Lee Brice’s Upper Middle Class White Trash played through his speakers, lightening my nervous mood something fierce. I sang along, poking Devin in the arm here and there. He smiled playfully, but kept his eyes on the road.

“Upper middle class white trash. My pockets can’t hold all my cash. Cause one day I stopped to pee,”I sang.”got some gas and won the lottery!”

“You could be a country singer, babe.”He snickered.

“Now I’m investin’ in my neighborhood! My friends and family they’re all livin’ pretty good. My trailer parks’ full of cadillacs’ and upper middle class white trash.”I chuckled near the end before saying, “I think of you every time I hear this song.”

“Of course you do.”He grinned.

“I got my homeboy Chris a brand new shop for all those cars on cinderblocks.”I grinned.”And cousin Charlie, well he thinks it’s cool to keep a large mouth bass in his new swimmin’ pool.”

I looked over at Devin and grabbed his arm, making him look over with a goofy smile.

“Sing with me!”I smirked.

“I had a birthday party for my mama last night.”I sang in with him quickly.”In her ninety and a half foot triple wide. You ain’t seen nothing if you ain’t seen Nascar on a sixty inch plasma screen!”

We laughed loudly before we stopped. I always loved taking rides with Devin; they were always fun. I took a long drag from my cigarette before flicking it out the window. As the smoke crawled out of my nose, Devin broke my happy and content mood with, “We’re here.”

I looked over quickly, turning the radio down and searching for any sign of Jimmy. I swallowed hard before looking over at Devin. He turned the car off, but before he stepped out I eagerly grabbed his arm. He looked over questioningly, but I only sighed quietly.

“I want you to meet him,”I said softly.”but I want you to be happy. If you don’t like him, pretend you do. For me.”

He leaned forward, smiling warmly.

“I will, Hillari. You know me. I’ll keep you happy. I always will. I promise I wont do anything to upset you.”He kissed me softly before stepping out of the car.

With a deep breath I stepped out aswell, meeting Devin on the sidewalk. I scanned every inch of the strip mall, looking for any sign of Jimmy. I looked down at my phone, noticing it was ten to ten. My feelings eased slightly, knowing he had ten minutes to get here, but it didn’t keep me completely satisfied.

What do I do when I see him? Do I give him a hug? Ask him how he’s doing? I cleared my throat before looking back over at Devin. He had his hands pushed deep into his jeans pockets and was looking around the strip for anyone like I had described. Upon nothing, he asked, “What does he look like again?”

“Very tall, tattoos, very,”My breath got caught in my throat as I caught a glimpse of a tall, lanky man walking toward the strip.

I gripped Devin’s arm, pointing in the direction of the man. He stiffened slightly, making me a little nervous.

“Just be good, okay, Dev?”I asked.

As the man came within distance I frowned slightly. It wasn’t Jimmy, but someone similar, only in height. My shoulders slumped slightly, knowing that I wasn’t able to see him again. Don’t get me wrong, I wanted to see Jimmy desperately, but I wanted to try and figure him out more. I didn’t want to drop my walls again.

I brushed my hair back before taking another look around the stores. I could feel eyes on me, but I couldn’t place where it was coming from. I jumped slightly when a large hand was placed on my shoulder. I turned, finding Jimmy’s vibrant blue eyes. I swallowed hard before a large, ecstatic smile met my lips.

“Jimmy!”My heart beat fiercely against my chest as I looked back at Devin.”This is my boyfriend, Devin. Devin, this is Jimmy.”

Jimmy easily towered over Devin, but Devin definitely outweighed Jimmy. They seemed to be alright with each other; they shook hands and greeted each other kindly. Jimmy looked down at me with a nervous smile.

“Coffee sound good right about now?”He grinned.

“Absolutely. Do you mind if Devin comes,”I began softly.”for a little bit?”

“Not at all, Hillari.”He looked over at Jimmy with a warm, welcoming smile.”Come on bro.”

We all stepped into Dunkin Donuts, ordering and picking our table. The first few minutes of the conversation was awkward and expected. I stopped the quick chat and locked eyes with Jimmy.

“You wanted to tell me everything.”I said softly.”What’s everything?”

“Everything,”He repeated quietly.”is exactly what it means. I want to tell you everything.”

His eyes looked from me to Devin and I chuckled softly. I grabbed Devin’s hand softly and looked back up at Jimmy.

“You can tell me what you want now. We always have the phone and other meet and greets.”I said.”Don’t worry about it, Jimmy.”

With a grin, he said, “You guys remind me a lot of me and Leanna, your mother.”

I stalled slightly on breathing and slowly, an unexpected smile met my lips. I don’t know why I was so happy, knowing that I would never have the pleasure of meeting my mother. Yet I could only smile and laugh quietly.

“Really?”I locked eyes with Devin and moved closer to him.

His hand tightened on my own and he smiled down at me.

“I can tell you guys love each other very much.”He looked down at the table and pushed his coffee from side to side.

He looked back up with a genuinely happy smile.

“She was beautiful, Hillari.”He stated.”You look so much like her. You have her hair, her facial features, everything ex -”

“Except her eyes.”I smiled.

“We both have your colour.”He said.

“I know how she passed away a long time ago, Jimmy.”I sipped at my coffee, trying to keep a cool and content conversation.”Was she in pain?”

He looked down, obviously upset with my question. He could only smile and clear his throat a few times.

“I didn’t mean to -”I began.

“No.”He looked down at me heavily.”No pain at all.”

“Hey, Hillari,”Devin stood from his seat and smiled down at me.”I’m going to go and let you guys talk, alright?”

“Oh, Dev, you don’t -”He cut me off quickly.

“Don’t worry about it, sweetheart. This is between you and Jimmy.”He stuck his hand out at Jimmy and smiled warmly.”It was nice meeting you, Jimmy. I’m sure I’ll see you again.”

Jimmy eagerly shook his hand and smiled aswell. I was happy that they were getting along and I very much respected that Devin would leave for our privacy. He kissed my head gently before walking toward the door. He turned to say, “When you’re done give me a call, Hillari. I’ll come pick you up.”

“Bye, Dev!”I looked back over at Jimmy and he was surprisingly happy.

“He seems like a very good guy, Hillari.”He said.

“He’s my best friend.”I stated.

“Make sure it stays that way, no matter what, alright?”He leaned forward slightly and his smile slightly faded.”But I do want to apologize for how I’ve acted for the past few days. I owe you an explanation.”

I cupped my hands together and took in a deep breath. Before he started I asked, “Want to take a walk?”

We exited out of the store and headed toward the beach. I slipped my shoes off and stuck them in my bag before grabbing my cigarettes. Jimmy followed my lead, with the cigarettes at least, and we simultaneously lit them. I smiled warmly as we stepped onto the quiet beach.

It was comforting to know that Jimmy would take blame for his mistakes; I was only worried about what he had to say. My main concern was knowing if he wanted to see me again after this visit. Jimmy started off the conversation with, “How did you find out about the band?”

“I got some links on you guys.”I said softly.”They weren’t necessarily the best articles.”

“You have to understand that they do write to keep their subscribers, but I’m sure a lot of it was true.”He frowned.”I’ll start from the beginning, Hillari, and lead you on from there.”

Jimmy and I found a comfortable spot in the sand that was isolated from the other people on the beach. I looked out into the ocean, occasionally looking over at Jimmy as he explained everything to me. He was certainly correct when he said everything was going to be thrown onto the plate.

I now understood the rehab articles; he had become an alcoholic after my biological mother had passed away. He angrily explained how he was never a ladies man; that was his friends’ jobs. Within a good few hours I had taken the time to understand Jimmy and to feel for him.

I teared slightly, never showing my face, when he explained that he thought he had lost me. I never heard his voice crack, I never saw him wipe his eyes, but they shone so bright in the sun I knew he had teared up aswell. I cleared my throat a few times as he told me he did what he did best; that was drinking.

“I was afraid you didn’t want anything to do with me after that.”He said quietly.

“I thought it was for media attention.”I admitted.”I thought I was no one to you, really.”

Jimmy gently grabbed my hand, forcing me to look into his eyes. I swallowed hard, smiling nervously.

“Just because we’ve had a few dozen phones call; just because we’ve met twice; just because I have just gotten to know you doesn’t mean I don’t want anything to do with you. I got in touch with you for a reason, Hillari.”He choked.”I did it for a reason.”

I tried to breath easy and hide my tears, but he only smiled when he noticed my watery eyes.

“Do you like talking to me?”He whispered.

“I -”I choked.

I pulled my hand away from Jimmy and brushed my hair back with my hands. He slumped slightly upon receiving no answer, but I only smiled and turned back quickly.

“I love talking with you, Jimmy.”I said.”I just got worried, was all.”

Jimmy stood from the sand, pulling me to my feet.

“I want to make it up to you, Hillari.”He said.”I promise I will be the best damn father you have ever had in your life. I want you to know that I keep in contact with you for a reason.”

He looked around the beach and smirked. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his cell phone. Before opening it, he looked down at me.

“I want you to meet my band mates. My friends.”He smiled.”I want you to see my life.”