Adolescent

I smiled absentmindedly to myself as I scanned through the pictures on my camera. Devin and I had made an all day road trip, going anywhere and everywhere we wanted. It was a beautiful day out and we were able to fall back onto our relationship and bring it up another level. I had realized that day how much Devin had meant to me.

I would risk my life for this boy, as weird as it may sound. His touch still sends chills down my spine, his kiss forces the pit of my stomach to implode, but when he told me he loved me was when it hit home. We had gotten home at nearly five in the morning and skipped school the next day. In one word, the trip was amazing.

I put down my camera and yawned loudly, feeling the spring breeze whip through my hair. The skies were growing incredibly dark, but the warmth never left. We were due for major thunderstorms, but they always kept me entertained. Major thunderstorms were the days where you watched scary movies all night and hoped the power went out.

I pushed my glasses to rest on the top of my head and smiled as my hair stayed out of my face. I was waiting for Matt to come to the house. Over the phone a few hours ago he had mentioned Jimmy wanted everyone to get together, but with the tone of his voice, you could tell that it wasn’t a barbeque and beers.

I was slightly worried, yes, but deep down I had a certain feeling it was nothing big. The front door popped open and I looked back, finding my dad. With a warm smile he stepped out, lighting the cigarette sticking out of his mouth. After the first pull, he said, “Hey sug. He’s not here yet?”

“Nope.”I swung my legs over the arm of the chair and leaned back on the other side.”I don’t even know what kind of car I’m looking for. These guys don’t give a lot of detail.”

“We’re guys.”He shrugged his shoulders and chuckled quietly.”I want to meet this Matt guy anyway.”

“He’s pretty cool.”I grinned.”He’s a lot like Devin, but much bigger and much older.”

“You know any other parent probably wouldn’t let you do this shit.”He sat in the chair next to me.”If we were anyone else, they most likely wouldn’t have told you that you were adopted. They’d probably forget that the Church called and asked for your information. You could be a hermit, you know.”

“Yeah, I know. I’m just happy everyone gets along well. I have a feeling that doesn’t happen very often.”He leaned forward and wrapped an arm over my shoulder.

He placed a gentle kiss on my head, knocking my glasses back onto my nose. With a giggle I pulled away, searching the road for an unknown car.

“We just love you very much.”He smiled weakly.

“I know dad.”I grabbed his hand and gave a comforting grin.”I love you guys too.”

A car slowed half way down the block and I looked over, trying to see who was driving. It was an older Blazer, so I wasn’t quite sure who was inside. When it pulled up along the side walk in front of my house, a smile perched itself on my lips. I sat up, waving my dad to come with me. Matt stepped out of the driver’s side and waved at the both of us.

“Hi Matt!”As I stepped off the sidewalk, I gave him a quick, one armed hug.

“How are ya, Hillari?”He looked up at my dad and instantly stuck out his hand.”I’m Matt, Jimmy’s friend.”

“How are you, Matt?”He shook his hand roughly.”Kenny. Ken. Whichever.”

“Jimmy was getting a few things. Said he wanted everyone over. I’m not sure what it’s for, to tell you the truth, but if Hillari’s coming, it’s not gonna be bad.”He chuckled quietly.

“Absolutely. I trust him. You just drive safe. Precious cargo.”My dad stepped forward and pulled me into a hug.

“Don’t burn me,”I laughed.”I love you dad. I’ll see you soon.”

With a few good byes Matt and I were on our way to Jimmy’s house. It wasn’t as far as I remember it, but the drive wasn’t so bad. We listened to music and exchanged high school stories here and there. By the time we pulled up to Jimmy’s house, I had grown slightly nervous. Why would he want everyone over and not explain why?

I looked at Matt, who gave me a warm smile. He didn’t want me to worry, which is probably why he was being so incredibly nice. I stepped out of the car and started my walk to the front door. I rose my arm to knock, but Matt just pushed the door open with a laugh.

“It’s only Jimmy. You can walk right in.”He put his arm out, allowing me to step in first.

When I walked through I was greeted by the guys, who hugged and cheered my name. I felt like a celebrity within a celebrity’s house. Jimmy was nowhere to be found, but everyone else was sitting happily in the living room. I plopped down on the couch and waited for Jimmy to come into the room.

It didn’t stay quiet - the guys roughed around multiple times, forcing Matt to break it up when Johnny got hurt. He clutched his arm as he got up, furrowing his eyebrows together in anger. His gaze was directed at Brian, who laughed hysterically at him. I couldn’t help but laugh as well, but without him taking notice.

I was getting more and more nervous, no matter how much the guys tried to keep everything calm. I honestly don’t believe they knew what was going on, because they whined a few times about getting bored and hungry. I was just hoping that Jimmy was okay and he was only going on tour.

I would rather him go on tour than the reason be something critical. When Jimmy finally came into the room, he had multiple beers in his arms. He juggled them around, passing them back and forth until everyone was settled down. He welcomed me with a tight hug before walking his way toward the center of the room.

It was like a game show - you didn’t know who was going home next. The longer time ticked by, the more I got worried and confused. Jimmy popped open his beer, letting the cap drop to the floor with a gentle clank. The room had grown increasingly quiet, making everyone wonder what he was up to.

I sipped at my drink occasionally, waiting for that second of silence to pass by. I was waiting for Jimmy to start laughing and tell us how it was all a joke. He only wanted to make us worry that something was up, when in all reality he had the grill burning and waiting for the fresh burgers and dogs.

But today, this was not the case.

“I know you guys are probably confused and worried,”Jimmy began softly.

“And hungry.”Brian mumbled quietly.

Matt shot a glare across the room, forcing Brian to take notice and keep his mouth shut. I wanted the clown to come out of everyone and be happy, but my heart seemed to slow at the sadness in the room.

“which I can completely understand. This is something I can’t tell you over the phone. This isn’t something I can just spill out and let you know.”He sighed softly and brushed his hair back with a nervous hand.”This is something very important.”

He paced around the room, only occasionally looking someone in the eye. He must have been thinking about what he wanted to say, because he took a few breaks in between his speech.

“I’ve been going to the doctor, doing some tests.”I choked on my breath, watching as his gaze turned away from me.

His beautiful, oceanic blue eyes had welled up in tears. I know for a fact he didn’t want me to see, but he had turned to slow. What was going on to make him so upset? I dug my nails into the arm of the chair, waiting patiently for what was about to come out of his mouth.

“The tests found something that I didn’t even know existed, really.”His watery gaze met my eyes once more and all the hurt in the world hid behind them.”I have cardiomegaly. It’s an enlarged heart. No cure.”

He placed a hand over his mouth and turned away. I didn’t know what that meant; was he going to be okay? My eyes welled up in tears, because all around the room, the guys fell silent. Their eyes never left Jimmy as he wiped at his eyes, trying desperately to hide his salty tears. My bottom lip quivered as I tried to choke out my question.

I leaned forward in my seat, feeling like my world had just crashed around me. An enlarged heart couldn’t be so bad, right? Jimmy just had so much love in his life that his heart had to up in size. It couldn’t hold his appreciation for everyone. The guys’ gaze suddenly turned, finding me in a second.

All their faces dropped, seeing how upset I had actually gotten. I still hadn’t figured out what the diagnosis had meant, but I knew by how Jimmy was reacting it wasn’t a good one. I looked up at Jimmy, waiting for him to face me once more. When he finally did, I whispered, “What does th-that mean, Jimmy?”

He stepped forward, kneeling down to meet my height. With a hurt, forced smile, he cupped my face in his large hands. His eyes said it all, making my tears to begin free falling. He swallowed hard, but kept the smile on his face the whole time. In a gentle voice, he said, “My heart beats to a different rhythm. I’m a little different, Hillari.”

“Differen’ts a good thing, Jimmy.”I wrapped my arms around his neck, letting out what I had been holding back the whole time.

I didn’t care that the room was full of his friends. I didn’t care that they could see my vulnerability at this point. In my eyes they could all leave if they very well wished. Jimmy’s long arms stretched around my small frame, pulling me tight into a hug. I weeped into his shoulder, letting his shirt soak in what I was letting out.

He held onto me so tight, like he was never going to see me again. I was afraid for Jimmy; I was afraid for his friends. I was afraid for myself. I had just met my biological father. He had just walked into my happy, enjoyable life and now this what was followed after him? Was he a walking storm now?

He could be a ticking time bomb and this could be the last time I hug my father. The last time I could touch his soft, inked skin. He combed his fingers through my chocolate locks, shooshing me like I was a five year old girl. I had felt so childish, crying hysterically on his shoulders. Crying like I had known him my whole life.

“It’s okay, Hillari. I’ll be alright.”I only tightened my grip on him, not wanting to let go for even a second.”Hillari,”

Jimmy’s hands grabbed my upper arms and with a gentle tug, pulled me softly from his neck. He looked into my eyes and smiled happily. Why was he so happy now, after he just told us all he was diagnosed with something uncureable?

“I’m going to be okay, Hillari.”He said softly.

He turned toward the guys, who in return had welled in tears. I wasn’t sure if they were upset by Jimmy’s confession, or if seeing how Jimmy and I reacted to each other had hit their soft spot. He gave a weak smile and said once again that he would be okay. He looked back into my eyes and I had slowly stopped crying.

“There’s some medication I can take. I’ll take it every day for the rest of my life if I have to. It will help my heart to beat like it should and keep my blood pressure down. I have medicine for the pain I get and that’ll be it. I’ll be okay, baby girl. I promise I’ll be okay.”I could feel the tears come back quickly and I pulled him into another hug.

If medication was going to keep Jimmy here with me, then I would accept it one hundred percent.

“Just promise you wont leave just yet, Jimmy.”I whispered softly.”I’m just getting to know you.”

“I promise I’ll stay here as long as you want, Hillari.”Jimmy responded quietly.”I promise.”