Anaesthetic Heart

“Danny! Danny, can you hear me? Danny!” Faron’s voice was yelling above me, through a layer of thick faze. I could feel myself, trying to push my way out of it. His voice was calling me upward through the faze, as I began to regain my surroundings.

I could feel it, rather than see it. I was half lying on the floor, half propped in Faron’s arms. He was kneeling on the ground; one arm wrapped around my shoulders the other around my waist. His voice was far above me, but I knew he must have been leaning over me. Faron.

“Danny, come on! You can do it, just open your eyes!” Faron’s voice was like a lifeline, thrown to me in my last desperate moments as I gripped into my subconscious, its black thick waves swallowing me like a sailor lost at sea. I could feel another wave of darkness rising over me, ready to consume me.

Faron. I held onto the thought of him, clutching to it as I fought the thick wave of drowsiness, I need you. Don’t let go of me, please. His voice kept pulling me out and then, I surfaced. Taking a large gulp of air as if I really had been drowning, my eyes fluttered open.

He was above me, right there. I could have reached his face, if I moved up, I could graze my lips along his. No, stop that. My mind quickly scolded me. I was foggy, and confused. All I knew was that Faron was right here, holding me and that I felt so very weak. I looked into his grey eyes, thick with concern, “Faron?” I asked.

“Oh, Danny!” He quickly hugged me, his arms almost crushing me as he held me tightly. I wrapped my arms around him, and felt him sigh into my neck, “I was so worried about you!”

He pulled back, and smiled down at me gently, if not a bit wobbly. Shock filled me like a balloon, worried, about me? I felt sparks erupt in my stomach, filling me with pleasant tingles as I stared into his eyes. “I’m sorry,” I mumbled, too overwhelmed to form any words more than that. What is going on? Faron was worried about me, Faron caught me, Faron is here… with me.

“It’s okay,” He smiled then, reassured and yet still a bit nervous, “Do you think you can stand?” He asked me gently. Looking into his eyes, I nodded and let him pull me up. I was about to say something to him, opening my mouth when seconds later, Gran and Lizbeth came running up the stairs.

“What happened?!” Lizbeth exclaimed, clearly freaking out as she put me in a hug so tight it was almost a chokehold. I felt panic radiating from her as she crushed me beneath her lean arms.

“I was in my room, I heard you guys come up the stairs. You sounded pretty worried, Lizzie, so I was listening in. I heard her run to the bathroom, and when you left to get Gran… I went to help her. I was just bringing her to her room, and… and then she…” Faron fumbled, running his hand behind his neck.

“I fainted,” I gasped out from Lizbeth’s chokehold, causing her to let go. I could tell that Faron was looking for the words to describe it, fainting probably not being at the top of the list. “It was really quick. My head was hurting, and then, I blacked out.”

Gran hugged me gently, “You need to be more careful,” She whispered softly into my hair, “You’re pushing yourself too hard. We have no idea what lasting effects you could have because of Cibrian.”
My blood boiled at the thought of him, so I just nodded, “I know. I’m sorry.”

Gran hugged me tighter, “Don’t be sorry, just be careful.”

“I will, I promise.” I felt tears well to my eyes, how long is this going to last, when can I be normal again. I took a deep breathe and pulled back from Gran.

“How’re you feeling now?” Lizbeth asked, her voice higher than she intended, causing her to clear her throat softly.

“I’m okay now. I just feel a little dizzy.” I mumbled, wrapping my arms around my torso.

“Do you want to go lay down, maybe take a nap?” Gran asked, her eyebrows furrowing as she spoke softly.

“No, thank you. I’d just like to go watch some television, maybe eat something.”

“Oh, okay. Of course. But I have to take Lizbeth shopping for her dress for the ball,” Gran switched her gaze to face Lizbeth, “Unless you want to cancel, Lizzie?” I saw her face fall as Gran suggested it, and immediately spoke up.

“No, it’s alright. I can take care of myself.” I interjected, I didn’t want her to have to cancel the rest of her day because of me, I had already made them all sacrifice so much.

“Are you sure?” Lizbeth asked, her face lighting up despite herself.

“I’ll stay with her.” Faron said suddenly and out of que. I shot my eyes to his, but he avoided contact. He cleared his throat, “I have no plans today anyway, I was just going to lay around and do nothing.”

“Okay,” Lizbeth said hesitantly, as she gave her brother an odd look. It was one of those moments between siblings, of unshared words that hold so much meaning. A long thoughtful look, that conveyed more meaning than anything she could have said would. A look, just between an older sister and a younger brother.

I felt like I was intruding. As an only child I felt like that moment was just too personal, I’d never had that. Their connection made me feel strange, as I looked away and swallowed hard.

“Well, we were just getting ready to go. I’ll phone your dad and let him know. Maybe he can talk to Cibrian, and,” She paused, struggling with the thought of having to rely on Cibrian for something, “find something to help.”

I just nodded, I didn’t feel like I needed to add more. Nothing was easy about this, not for me or for anybody else. This curse had turned not only my own life upside down, but the lives of those I loved. When I thought about it, I never saw how it changed them. I wasn’t there, wasn’t consious and awake, and in part of it. I wasn’t there, to see there faces, and their pain. I don’t know how it happened, or if it was sudden. For all I knew, it could have been a long drawn out sequence. I never found out, what really happened. I never found out how much it changed them. And that, made me feel guilty.

“You really don’t have to babysit me. I think I’ll just go watch some television, or something.” I tried to be convincing, and hide my shame. I felt like everyone was caring for me so much, and I never had a way to show that I appreciated it, because it seemed to just keep happening over and over again.

“It’s not a big deal,” Faron said, avoiding eye contact again. His whole demeanor had changed, and it made the guilt settle over me even harder. And what about him, huh? Have you even thought about what you’ve been doing to Faron. You are so selfish, all you care about is yourself. What about his feelings, what about him? My mind was a vicious traitor.

“Well, how about we all go down stairs, and then we’ll set off, hmm?” Gran spoke up quickly, trying to break up the awkward air that had settled around us. Always being the mediator. I smiled, thankful that she picked up on it. Both the shame I was throwing off, and the sudden tension Faron had.

Although, to have missed that would have made that her impervious to her extrasensory awareness; he was suddenly stiff, I followed him and Gran down the stairs, and I could see it in the way he walked. His shoulders held broadly, his back slightly arched, and his hands clenched at his sides. It was an obvious sign, he was using his body language as a defense mechanism to guard off interaction. A barrier, to keep people away, I thought, as I watched him say goodbye to Lizbeth, giving her a hug and wishing her luck. No. A barrier… to keep me away.

I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear nervously. I stood at the door, and waved them off. Lizbeth smiling in the passenger seat, and Gran waving back as she backed out of the drive. I stayed there, longer than I needed as I watched their car drive away. And now, it’s just you and Faron.

Slowly, I shut the door and turned to see Faron standing there. His arms were crossed, as he leaned against the banister. He was watching me, his face a stone mask.

I swallowed heavily, “Do you want to watch a movie or something?” I asked. It was frustrating, how close we were just a few minutes ago, bodies pressed together. I was right there, so close. I had all the opportunity to do whatever I wanted, and now it was gone.

But what was it that I wanted to do so badly? Tell him how you feel, stupid. You’ve been dying to for days. My mind ran rampant, telling me the truth I didn’t want to hear. But what if he rejected me? I mulled over the thought. So, would he? What do you have that no other girls do, what makes you special? You’re not beautiful, or striking. In fact, your plain and clumsy. You cause everyone around you to want to take care of you, and you’re a burden. You worry to much. You think that everything is a bigger deal than it is. Really, it’s a simple thing, you’re high maintenance. I swallowed heavily, and looked at Faron, who was thinking about the movie.

“Yeah, sure.” He said, as he turned to go into the living room.

“No, wait!” I called out, making him stop. What are you doing? Are you an idiot! He’ll reject you! You’re not worth it! You have nothing to offer him! My mind screamed at me. I was suddenly having a hard time breathing, my throat tight as I watched him turn to look at me over his shoulder, an eyebrow raised in question. “I-I have to tell you something.”

What are you doing!? You’re pathetic! You’re not worth it! Stop right now! Tell him it was nothing. Tell him, tell him his shoe lace is undone! Or there is lint on his shirt! Whatever you do, don’t tell him the truth! My mind was frantic, as he patiently turned around. He knew, he had to have known something, because his face was blank in serenity, “Yeah, what is it?”

I pushed my thoughts away, silencing the screaming in my head and focusing on not thinking. Just say it. Go on. A smaller, calmer voice in my head urged. I took a deep breathe, “You have to know..” I trailed off, looking at my feet uncertainly.

“What do I have to know?” He prompted me gently, his voice suddenly softer. I looked up, his face was even calmer, and his eyes like pools of soft liquid silver.

“How I feel about you,” I said, feeling my chest get tight, “I wish I had told you sooner, I wish you had known. It could have changed everything. I-It could have fixed everyth-thing.”

I felt him step closer, slowly until he was right in front of me. I could feel his breathe, falling on me as he cupped my chin in his face and made me look in his eyes. I blinked hard, trying to disperse the tears that had welled in my eyes. He looked into my eyes confidently, “And how is that, Danny?” His voice was a gentle whisper, like a sweet summer breeze kissing my cheeks, “How do you feel about me?”

“I-I-I..” I stuttered, staring into the dancing silver of his eyes. They were beautiful, like polished silver coins rolling through somebodies fingertips. The edges of his irises were darker, and moved like flames licking at his pupils, actually moving. It was beautiful, now that I could see it without the curse, an obvious sign of his elemental heritage. And it was right then that I felt it, the soft electricity that made me feel tingly and alive. I took a deep breathe, “I really care about you. More than I’ve cared about anybody before. You drive me insane, making me angry and frustrated. But you calm me at the same time, and take care of me. I wish that I had told you sooner, that we had the opportunity to have been together.” I blurted out, rushed and out of breathe.

His face stayed calm, but I could see a smile tugging persistently at the very corner of his lips, “B-Because then, I could have been able to do this,” I whispered, my hand shaking as I reached forward and stroked the length of his jaw and rested my hand there, caressing his cheek. “And then, m-maybe I could have done this..” I trailed off, leaning forward very slowly. I could feel his breathe against my lips, as I leaned the last few inches and kissed him tenderly.

I felt him sigh into the kiss, his arms affectionately snaking their way across my waist, pulling me tighter against him. I deepened the kiss, draping my other arm around his neck as I pressed my chest against his. The electricity between us exploded, his arms holding me tighter as he made the kiss more intense, pouring soft jolts of electricity through me, which sparked in my stomach and tingled across my skin.

This is what you’ve been missing, The calm voice in my mind hummed out, finally satisfied, it’s been him all along. I smiled into the kiss, feeling like for once, my mind wasn’t screaming at me telling me all that I’m not and all that I could be. For once, I was content, both body and mind.

Faron smiled into the kiss as well, then pulled back gazing into my eyes, “I’ve been waiting for that.” He whispered, touching his nose to mine causing me to giggle. I felt different with him, every negative comment and pressing thought just faded away. All that was left was him and I, and the moment we shared between us. And it was perfect, and I never wanted it to change.

“Can we just be like this today?” I whispered, looking down at his arms around my waist, “We can worry about whatever else tomorrow, but just for today, can we be like this?”

“Just you and me, and nothing else matters?” He said back, his voice quiet. I nodded. He pulled me close to him, hugging me to his body, “That sounds perfect to me.” He kissed the top of my head, and nuzzled me into his chest.

I smiled, “Thank you.” I murmured, feeling my hands around his neck and the warmth he exuded through me. The electricity that buzzed along my skin was pleasant, making me sleepy as I leaned into his embrace.

“You’re shaking, are you cold?” His voice was concerned, as he rubbed his hand across my upper arms.

“A little bit, but it’s not a big deal.” I brushed it off, not wanting to admit the real reason I was shaking as because I was so happy. He made me happy.

“Here, take this,” He pulled away from me, and I pouted. Until suddenly, he plopped his sweater over my shoulders and smiled, “You’re swimming in my sweater.” He laughed, “Is that better?”

I smiled, pushing my arms through the long sleeves of the black hoodie, and zipped it up to the middle of my chest. I giggled, and gave a little flap of my arms, the sleeves almost double over in length. “Much better,” I smiled, ear to ear. I felt like my cheeks would burst.

“Good, ‘cause you look adorable,” He laughed, reaching for me, “Now come here!” He pulled me into him, and kissed me deeply.

My heart nearly burst from my chest.