Not Afraid to Die

"Sometimes it's just easier to give in," her father stated.

"I'm not that bad," Lolita countered.

"Of course not, honey."

"Has Doctor Fredrick said anything yet?" Dante asked.

"Doctor Fredrick isn't her doctor anymore. He retired."

Doctor Fredrick had been the one taking care of Lolita since birth. The young girl's health had never been put in another doctor's hands. Her father felt it best that she stay with the same doctor till death. Comfort was essential in the patient-doctor relationship, especially when life was at stake. Not to mention, doctors specializing in HIV were difficult to find in the area.

No one expected her to live past his retirement though.

"Well then, who's her doctor now?"

"The hospital found a doctor who has experience with HIV positive patients. From what I hear, she's quite good. You don't need to go look up her credentials," their father said.

"Regardless, I'd like to know who my sister's new doctor is."

"You'll meet her in a moment."

Before Dante could respond, a knock resounded in the room.

"Come in," Lolita chimed.

The door opened, revealing a blonde woman in a doctor's coat, whose eyes were directed toward a chart in her hand. Dante stood from his seat on the bed, recognizing the doctor immediately.

"Carter?" Dante asked.

The doctor looked up from her chart, "Dante, what are you doing here?"

"I'm here with my sister."

"You know each other?" Lolita asked.

"Well, I'm Neon's doctor, sometimes Arpeggio's if her doctor isn't in. The Gaskarth twins are under my care, too. Neon and Arpeggio's band mates have a tendency to come in with them during check ups," Carter said.

"Oh. That's nifty."

"I didn't know you worked with HIV patients," Dante said.

"I have a few patients seeing me strictly for the Human Immunodeficiency Virus. None, however, have suffered with the disease since birth," Carter turned her attention to Lolita, "You're quite a special case."

"Thank you," Lolita said, smile beaming.

She was aware how rare her situation was. It was a commonly accepted estimate that two thirds of children with HIV died from AIDS, HIV, or another virus that took the opportunity to attack their lowered immune systems. Lolita knew her math well enough to know she could have been one of those two thirds. In fact, she should have been. Babies had a tendency to die when the disease was present. Lolita was lucky. She lived through infancy, childhood, preteen years, and her teen years. Having just turned eighteen, she was older than she ever thought she would be.

"That being said, I have a bit of bad news," Carter stated.

"Unless I'm dead, which I'm sure I'm not, nothing you can tell me is bad news," Lolita returned.

"You're a very positive human being."

"Life's too short to be upset all the time."

"That's a great way to live life."

"I think so, too, but I'm pretty sure my family thinks I'm crazy," Lolita said, "So what's the verdict."

"I'm sorry to say this, but your CD4 count is boarding two hundred. According the World Health Organization regulations, you're close to the fourth and final stage of HIV."

"Isn't the fourth stage..." Dante trailed off.

His vocal cords refused to utter the sequence of letters. Since his sister had been diagnosed, he feared ever having to hear she was in that stage. He always knew he would have to, but it was hard to imagine his little sister suffering from that disease. She was barely eighteen, and her final days were closer now than ever.

"AIDS," Lolita finished, voice full of energy, smile still on her face.

Death hadn't claimed her yet.

"It is," Carter replied, "Now, Lolita, I'm sure you know you can live a good deal of years with Acquired Immunodeficiency Syndrome."

"I know."

"In order to prologue your drop into AIDS, I'm changing you're medication regime."

"Will I be taking less pills?" Lolita asked, eyes bright with hope.

If there was one thing she hated about HIV, it was the pill count. The pain and side-effects may have hurt, but the pill count was outrageous. She wasted her life taking pills and doing math.

"You'll be taking more," Carter said.

"Damn," Lolita mumbled.

"Lolita," her father scolded.

Exaggerated pout returning to her face, Lolita turned to her father, "Daddy."

He groaned, slouching in the chair he had chosen to sit in, "Lolita, stop it."

"Dante, daddy hates me."

"I love you and your brother very much," her father asserted, "I just don't want you cursing."

"But, daddy, I—," a sharp pain ran through Lolita's head, cutting off her sentence. She brought a hand up, gripping the throbbing area, "Ow."

Within seconds, all three adults in the room were by her side, concern dripping from their stares.

"Honey, what's wrong?" her father asked.

"My head hurts," Lolita mumbled, massaging her head.

It was back. That pain from the morning, the pain that was part of her reason for being in the hospital bed. It had gone away while the IV was pumping pain relief drugs into her system. Nausea would only follow soon, possibly accompanied with more bodily aches.

Carter straightened and glanced at the IV bag on the pole next to the girl's bed. Pain relief drugs were still being fed into her system. Those were supposed to keep the pain at bay. She would just have to prescribe a stronger dosage. It was the only thing she could do.

Carter looked back at Lolita, "On a scale of one to ten, how bad does it hurt?"

"Like a seven," Lolita responded.

"Part of being so close to last stage of the Human Immunodeficiency Virus is extreme pains. They'll only get worse when Acquired Immunodeficiency Syndrome takes over. What's in the IV right now is your old dosage of pain relief medication. Since we can't increase the number of those you take without risking your health, I'm going to try to find different medication all together. Okay?"

"Huh?"

Over the increasing pain in her head, she couldn't concentrate on much. Oh, how she missed the dull head pains of childhood. When the headaches struck now, they struck with such viciousness she could do little more than lay down on a soft surface.

"I got this," Dante said, "New pills good, old pills bad."

Sometimes statements needed to be overly simplified when she was in this state. Long explanations and educated sounding words could too easily slip through her mental filter without being processed when the pain consumed her. She couldn't help it.

"Oh. Can we get those new pills now?" Lolita asked.

"Actually, I need to run a new pain reliever prescription to the lab. Everything should be filled in an hour or so," Carter replied, "Unless there's anything else you need, the nurse will be back in shortly to take your IV out and you can leave. Just make sure to pick up your medications."

"When does she need to start the new pills?" her father asked.

Lolita's father always took care of her medical aspects. As a parent, his job was to keep both of his children safe. He knew what questions needed to be asked and when to ask them, whether they be questions for medical expertise or Lolita. Even when he left on book tours, he kept Lolita under close watch. Dante helped during those trips in making sure the youngest Anderson stayed alive.

"She can start the pain medications at any time. But the other pills should be started tonight around the time she normally takes her last dosage for the day."

"And will she be able to eat with these medications or does she need to steer clear of food?"

"That's all on the labels, along with how many times and how much to take of each pill a day. I'm pretty sure we're putting her on ones she can eat with. Anymore questions?"

"Do you know how long it will be before she descends into the final stage of HIV?"

Both siblings perked up at the question, curious. Lolita knew the answer, though. She got the same answer everytime she asked how long she had left.

"I have no idea," Carter replied.

They never did.