Not Afraid to Die

"Rian, you are going to the special," Dante said, arms crossed, "Someone needs to tell the watchers where I am and how Lolita's doing."

"Can't you just send Neon a text telling her," Rian argued.

"No, it'll mean more coming from you. You've been here to watch everything. You've made it a point to understand and help me. Now, I need you to do this. You can tell them I cried like a baby last night if you want."

He had been crying too hard to finish watching the home movie he and Rian started watching. He had created it before going out for the To Write Love On Her Arms benefit concert, took bits and pieces of other home movies and mixed them together. Its purpose when created was to help him stop missing his baby sister while he was away.

It only made him miss her more last night.

But Rian had sat with him while he cried, made him go to sleep around one in the morning, made sure he was asleep and okay before allowing himself to go to sleep on the couch. Dante's father had been smart in telling Dante to invite Rian over. He couldn't have handled being alone. Rian was the best person to stay by his side. His father was staying with Lolita, and it was too early in his relationship with Blaine to ask him to stay. Rian, as his close friend, was the best option. He knew Lolita wanted him to lean on Blaine, but he and Blaine needed to get a little farther before he could let himself break down while watching home movies in front of him.

"If you don't leave now," Dante continued, "you won't be ready in time for the special."

"There's five hours till the special starts."

"But you agreed to help make ham, and I expect you to bring a ham sandwich to me after the special."

Rian sighed. Dante was right. He had made the commitment to make ham. It wasn't a Christmas dinner without the ham. He couldn't let either set of band mates down.

"You'll tell me if something happens, right?"

"Of course."

"Alright, I'll go," Rian looked over Dante's shoulder where his father was sitting, "I'll see you later, David."

"Are you going to bring me a ham sandwich?" he returned.

"You know it."

"Then make the best damn ham you can."

Rian chuckled and turned his attention to Lolita, still unknowing of the world around her. Walking around the bed, he smiled sadly, remembering the images of her from the night before. She looked so much closer to death then, with her bones so obvious under her skin.

She wasn't close to death now. He had to remind himself to stay positive about Lolita's state. She would be okay. She was just in a coma.

He leaned forward, mouth close to her ear in hopes that she could hear him when he talked to her. It was what the men in the room had grown accustomed to doing. Just in case.

"I'll be back soon, princess," he said and pressed a kiss to her cheek

She was still motionless when he pulled away. Still motionless when he said a quick "bye." Still motionless when he crossed the hospital room, smiled at Dante and his father. Still motionless when he left. Still motionless when Dante sighed and collapsed into the chair next to his father.

She was still motionless and that wasn't changing.

"You're a mean person, Dante," his father teased, smile stretching over his features.

"I want Rian to go have fun."

"He'll be worried throughout the special anyway, you know that."

"Once he's checked his phone repeatedly for an hour or so, making sure it's actually on, that its volume is turned up, and that I haven't texted him, he'll be able to unwind a little."

"Why don't you go? You need to unwind, too. I'll be fine staying with her."

"No," Dante mumbled, shaking his head, "I can't do that. I'd feel too guilty about it."

"You don't think Rian might?"

"Rian will feel guilty if he doesn't bring me back a ham sandwich," Dante joked.

His father gave him a look, and he slouched in his chair. That wasn't the answer his father wanted.

"It's different for Rian and me. Rian likes Lolita. Rian is my friend. Rian wants to be there for the two of us to make sure everything is okay. I am Lolita's brother. I don't just want to stay here. I need to."

"Lolita wouldn't force you to stay anywhere," his father paused, "Well, maybe in an amusement park, but not in a hospital."

"She made me ride that rollercoaster twenty-five times," Dante mumbled. "But that's not the point. She's not forcing me to be here. My need to protect her keeps me here. I can't bring myself to leave."

"Doesn't Rian want to protect her, too?"

"Dad, I'm grateful to Rian for wanting to stay, but I can't keep him here all the time. This isn't a life he's used to yet. He needs to go out and have some fun after everything he's gone through."

After dealing with Dante breaking down, he needed the break. Rian was attempting to be strong, Dante could see that. But staying in a dim hospital when not breed into that life was torture. The only thing Dante knew would be a decent reprieve would be the special. He would come back in some amount of hours with two ham sandwiches and a root beer to place by Lolita's bed.

Yeah, he had time away during the night, but he stayed up a great deal of the time, texting Dante to see if Lolita was any better. At the special, he would be around other people, he could distract himself for awhile by partying, and he would be refreshed when he returned.

"It does seem unfair that Rian's first time dealing with Lolita in the hospital has to end up with her in a coma."

"It is."

"How are you holding up?"

"I don't know."

"How was sleeping at home last night?"

"It wasn't very comforting. I mean, I'm used to Lolita not being there, considering she's not there most of the time."

"But?"

"But I'm not used to not getting a call from her at night or one obscenely early in the morning just to say 'hi.'"

His father placed his free hand on Dante's arm. "You know, if Lolita doesn't make it, it's going to be even harder."

"I know."

"I'm here for you. I'm always here for you. It's hard to lose someone you love. Remember, you've got friends and a soon-to-be-official boyfriend. We're all here if you need anything."

"Thanks, dad."

His father smiled. A knock on the door disturbed their conversation. Carter walked in before anyone could call for her to enter, chart in hand, back straight. Knocking on the door was only to warn them someone was about to walk in.

"Hello, Doctor Cart," Dante's father said, his voice filled with warmth.

"Hello, Mr. Anderson," Carter said with a smile.

"What's the verdict?"

That morning, Carter had sent Blaine to draw blood for a series of tests. Dante hid his face against his father's arm the whole time. They hadn't been performed daily while Lolita was conscious or in the presence on Dante. But Carter ordered another test that morning, while Dante was there, because the last test had given blurred results.

"I've got one good and I've got one bad."

"Let's get the bad out of the way."

"According to the blood tests, Lolita has reached the last stage of the human immunodeficiency virus."

"She has AIDS?"

Dante nearly collapsed on the floor. She had AIDS. No, not only AIDS. She had sepsis and AIDS. This had to be some cruel joke.

"Yes. We've changed her medications accordingly."

"Is she going to die?" Dante blurted.

"People with AIDS can live for a very long time as long as they take good care of themselves."

"But she has sepsis, too."

"Well," Doctor Cart started, "this brings us into the good part. According to the blood test, her sepsis has cleared completely."

Dante's heart soared. The infection that sent her into a coma was finally gone. She would be okay and everything would go back to normal.

But why was she still in a coma?

"She'll wake up?"

"Assuming her body gets used to having AIDS while it's shut itself down, sure."

"Is that likely to happen?" his father asked.

"Rarely, but it has happened in the past. Comas can be tricky for the body. Lolita's a fighter, though. I have faith in her ability to get through this."