These Are the Fast Times

Victoria

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“It’s not as bad as it seems,” I assure her, sitting at the edge of her bed. At this point, I’m just saying whatever comes to mind to comfort her.

I’ve already chewed out Gabe, even though I know it wasn’t exactly his fault.

And besides, who am I to dole out relationship advice, anyway?

I couldn’t even say “I love you” to the one person I ever genuinely cared about, so what do I know?

Lila stays quiet as I soak in my own misery for a while.

“I think I want to go back to Chicago,” she abruptly states. Her voice is raspy. She sits up, combing her fingers through her messy hair. “I don’t really want to be here right now.”

“We have spring break in a couple weeks,” I remind her. “I’m sure Melly’s bored, since the gu- since Michael’s not there.”

“You should come with,” she adds, hugging her knees. At least she’s stopped crying by now. I shrug.

I don’t know what I want.

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“Fuck. Just…fuck,” I mutter. My stomach turns unpleasantly and my heart skips a few times.

“It’s just a showcase. Chill out,” Ryland tries to reassure me.

“I didn’t know he was going to be here…” I remind him. I’m pacing the length of the dressing room before our set.

“A lot of bands are here. Maybe you won’t even see him,” Alex points out.

I’m a wreck. I guess I’d been that self-involved these past few weeks that I didn’t realize Jack and his band would be playing this showcase at the same night as us.

I find myself wishing Lila had stayed in New York with me instead of going back to Chicago for break.

Ten minutes until show time.

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It happens when I’m at the bar.

He walks past me, and I just can’t not say something.

“Jack,” I say, hazarding my dignity just to talk to him. He turns and freezes when he sees me. My tongue feels heavy in my mouth while I think of what to say. He looks like he’s having the same kind of problem.

“Victoria,” he responds, taking a step or two closer to me.

I can’t say ‘how are you’ because that’s just bitchy.

“You’re…you look beautiful,” he finally says, and I find myself blushing a deep crimson, but I still don’t know what to say.

“You were great tonight,” I say, lamely, but he still smiles that goofy smile I love.

“So were you,” he echoes my sentiment. Then it’s awkwardly quiet again. His smile makes one of my own bubble on my lips.

“I…” we start to say at the same time.

“Hey. There you are,” a voice interjects. The voice belongs to a girl I don’t recognize. My smile falters as soon as she places a kiss on his cheek. I look away. “Ready?” she asks him, not acknowledging my presence.

“Um…yeah…” he trails off, giving me an apologetic look that I can’t hold without wanting to run out of the venue. She starts to pull him away, but he stops her. “Victoria…I…it was nice to see you…” he says, giving me an expression that I don’t know what to do with. I can only nod wordlessly in response.

He follows her, giving me one last look over his shoulder.

I feel sick.