DaySleeper

My chest hurts, and I can certainly relate to people that hurt themselves. Right now, holed up in a closet of an abuse shelter, wrapped in a safety blanket, I feel as if there is no way to release the building pressure inside me. I want to scream, but I don’t have that luxury. I can certainly understand why someone would want to take their mind off of this.

A gentle knock sounds on the door and I sniffle and wipe my eyes quickly.

“Yes?” I call.

“This isn’t your front door,” Alice says, “Why are you in there?”

“I need to be in a small place right now.”

“You’re weird,” she says, “May I come in?”

“I’d rather you didn’t—Okay,” I say as she opens the door and stares at me.

“What happened?” she asks me.

“He knows,” I shrug, “I am just… more disappointed than anything right now.”

She bites her lip.

“I’m sorry, honey,” she says.

“Don’t be,” I reply, “I kind of deserve it.”

She opens her mouth.

“Let’s not argue right now?” I ask her.

“Okay,” she says. I lie back down and ask her to close the door.

“The movie is playing,” she says, and closes the door gently.

I push my face into my blanket and close my eyes.

~~
I am awoken by Maggie, standing in the doorway, staring down at me.

“What are you doing?”

“Sleeping.”

“In the closet?” she asks.

“No, not for a couple years now.”

“Don’t be a smart-ass,” she snaps.

“Why am I in trouble?”

“Why is Avid saying he’s leaving the shelter?”

~~
I knock on the front door of the volunteer house. Avid answers it, and begins to shut it again.

“Avid,” I say, jamming my foot in the door. He apparently doesn’t notice this and slams it on my toes. I gasp and yank my foot back, falling onto the porch, holding my foot to my chest in pain.

“Fuck!” he cries, kneeling down, “Why did you do that?!”

“Why did you slam it?!”

“How was I supposed to know that I am supposed to be watching your feet?!” he demands, and I flinch, my stomach going cold. He quiets down as my eyes water.

“Sorry,” he says, and I have a feeling he’s apologizing for more than slamming my foot in a door.

“It’s fine,” I promise. We fall into an awkward silence, so I move to yank my shoe off to check the damage. My entire foot is bright red, and two of my toes are bent completely wrong. “I think I might puke,” I warn, twisting away from my own foot. Avid makes a noise.

“Shit!” he curses. I flinch again and he huffs loudly. I hear him dialing a number on his phone and then he speaks.

“Maggie?” he asks, “Hold down the fort. I am taking Cade to the hospital. I just broke two of his toes… It was an accident! Fine, bye.”

“Hospital?” I ask.

“That’s where people typically go with broken bones.”

“It’s just my toes,” I say lamely.

“Might be more,” he points out, helping me up. I hop towards the stairs while he supports my side. My stomach drops and rises rapidly as I nearly fall down the steps. “Stop,” he says. I do, grabbing the column next to me, and he scoops me up, bridal style.

“Put me down!”

“And watch you smash your head open? I think not.”

I turn very red, and I am very grateful that his car is parked directly in front of the house. He puts me down, opens the door and holds my hand while I climb into the car. He jogs around the car and slips into the driver’s side, turning the key quickly.

~~
They can do anything but brace my toes. I have not broken any bones in my foot, but they say that a brace will be necessary to ensure the bruising on the bones heals okay along with my toes. This makes no sense to me, or Avid (based on the look on his face) but I go along with it, and carry one shoe out of the hospital, four hours later that night.

~~
We are minutes from the shelter when I remember why I got into this mess at all in the first place.

“Why was Maggie saying you were leaving?” I ask.

“I think it would be best,” he says.

“Why? You never mentioned you wanting to leave. You love it here… don’t you?” I ask him.

“Cadence. You don’t get it.”

“Which is why I am asking.”

“No,” he says, “You don’t get my reasoning. I have to leave. I can’t be here, with you. It’s inappropriate and unprofessional.”

I stare at him.

“What are you talking about?” I ask. He shoves his fingers into his hair, sighing.

“We can’t be together.”

My chest aches acutely.

“I know. We discussed this.”

He glances at me as we come to a stop at a red light.

“I can’t trust myself,” he says.

“God, Avid,” I laugh, “It’s not like I am irresistible. There are better catches. Trust me.”

He looks at me again. I stare right back.

“Cadence,” he says, hitting the gas when the light changes, “don’t be like—”

“I’m serious,” I say, laughing, and it sounds very hollow to me, “We’re two adults. We can control ourselves.”

He doesn’t say anything.

“Besides,” I say, watching the surroundings slow as we stop in front of the volunteer house, “We need you here. You can’t just up and leave right now. Let them find someone to replace you, and then leave, if you really have to.”

“Do you want me to?”

“Not particularly,” I say, shrugging. He nods and I tumble from the car clumsily.

“I’ll stay,” he says as I cross the street.

“Okay,” I reply and enter the building. Maggie is talking to Ethel.

“What broke?” Ethel asks.

“Just two toes,” I say, shrugging, “I wear the brace for a week, the toe braces for four. No big.”

“Will he stay?”

“Yeah.”

“Thank you, Cade,” she says. I nod and head off to bed.