You Are Loved, Baby.

I struggled with myself, fighting internally on whether to pull away or to hold on tighter. Brian was overpowering, I felt the same way I did when we were first together and I loathed it. I hated the feelings that he instilled in me. I hated that with just a few words or actions Brian could render me utterly powerless to him.

"Brian," I said firmly, trying to win the internal battle, "Let go of me,"

Brian shook his head softly, "You don't really want me to,"

I groaned and pushed on him, "Yes I do!Stop it with the mind games Brian! Just stop!"

He sighed harshly yet he didn't let go, "No, Nissa. I know that you feel something for me. I can feel it-"

I cut Brian off with harshly whispered words. "Yes, Brian, we have an attraction, okay? A physical attraction but that doesn't mean that I love you or you love me. I know it doesn't mean that and I will not let myself get caught up in you again, my sons deserve more than that."

Brian groaned and pushed me away from him quickly, he took a step back and I studied his features. His lips were curved downward in a miniscule frown, his brown eyes were red and watery, not like he was about to cry but because they had been wide for far too long. He stood in a way that showed confidence but forfeited any dignity. His clothes were wrinkled and his hands were shoved down into his pockets now.

"Tell me that you don't love me, Nissa. Think about how we are together and then tell me that you don't love me like I know I love you." His voice was strong and I knew that the truth would tear him up and into pieces, something that I had expected his break up with Michelle to do.

"Nissa," He said when I was quiet, "I know I sound like a damned fool," he chuckled, "but I've never felt this for anyone. That little baby upstairs deserves both his parents, together, and I'm going to fight for that until you can honestly say that you don't love me at all," Brian said strongly while reaching out to grab onto my wrist softly and pull me towards him in a way that left it up to me.

I shook my head as he walked closer and closer to my erratic heart. His fingers slid up my arm and his hands cupped around my warm cheeks. He stood in front of me and looked down at me. His 5"10 frame was just tall enough that I could look up at him comfortably without having to crane my neck. Brian didn't say anything as he wrapped his arms around my shoulders and rested his chin on my head as my arms instinctively went around his waist and my fingers grasped onto his t'shirt at his sides.

"Bri..." I trailed off, "Stop..." I pleaded as he held onto me tighter.

Brian didn't reply as he held me against his chest. He tightened his grip around my shoulders as I tried to pull away from him. Brian wasn't letting go of me as tears sprung to my eyes and realization set in. The words bubbled up through my throat and this time I didn't choke them back down.

"Brian, I love you," I whispered, wishing that I could leave it as that and not let the next few words tumble into the space between us, "But I only love you because you're my son's father. Bri, I'm not in love with you. I'm sorry." I said honestly, wishing that I could just tell him that I love him, that I'm in love with him.

Brian pulled away from me like he was on fire. He was stiff as he stared at me, hurt in his brown orbs as I cried, letting honesty pour from my eyes.

"Brian," I cried, "You don't know what I would give to fall in love with you," I called after him desperately as he walked towards the door quickly.

Brian was silent as I sobbed, my arms wrapped around myself as if to hold me together when I felt like I was falling apart.

"Brian!" I shouted as he pulled the front door open without a word. His shoes were on his feet and his jacket covered his torso as he took steps through the doorway. "Brian! I'm sorry!" I cried, wishing that I could take it back and just tell him that I was in love with him, "I didn't want to hurt you!" I sobbed, "I didn't want to use you!" My voice was loud as I shouted after him. Yet he just walked out silently, hurt in his eyes and pain on his features. I hurried after him as he disappeared. I ran to the door while shouting his name. I watched with watery eyes as he got into his car and slammed the door which emitted the only sound from him.

"Brian!" I screamed as he drove away into the rain, leaving me on the door step to become sopping wet as Juliann came running up the stairs and Bronx called for me from the top of them.

"Brian..." I whispered as Juliann helped me to the couch, "I'm sorry."