Don't Want to Start a Fight

[Kyle]

My eyes were red raw with crying, my body exhausted and my head pounding. Last night was the biggest mistake of my life. And I want nothing more than to do it all over again. I ran straight home from the party, shutting my phone off and locking my bedroom door, but I don’t need to have my friends call me or come over to know that they’ll all know what happened between me and Jack. I don’t need a text from any of them to know that they’ll hate me now. I wish I could just stay in here eternally, blocking out all the drama that I know is coming. I just wish I could ignore it forever.

“Kyle? Are you awake?”

I sighed at the sound of my mom’s voice from the other side of my bedroom door.

“Yeah mom,” I rasped back.

“Good, open up,” she ordered.

I grumbled under my breath, hauling myself out of bed. There’s one rule in this house – if your door is locked, fine. If we ask you to unlock your door, you do it. And that rule is never disobeyed. But as soon as I opened the door, I wish I hadn’t. Standing beside my mom is a furious-looking Alex freaking Gaskarth. He smiles sweetly in thanks to my mom, but glares at me as soon as she’s walked away. I whimpered and ran back inside my room, diving under my duvet and holding it tightly around me while Alex closed and locked the door.

“Kyle fucking William Burns, you will talk to me willingly, or I’ll force you to,” Alex growled.

“You don’t understand, Lex!” I whined, my voice muffled.

“Oh I understand alright. I understand that you left Jack sobbing and broken. I understand that you used him for your own sexual gratification. And I understand that he’s so miserable his own mom can’t make him smile. His own damn mother, Kyle! She’s freaking out because of how Jack’s acting, and it’s all your fault!” Alex hissed.

I whimpered, tears filling my eyes as I emerged from my duvet safe haven. Alex’s anger faltered slightly, before he glared at me again.

“You have practically destroyed him, Kyle, something I thought you would be the last person to do. Why did you do it? Why would you hurt him like this?” Alex demanded.

“I-I don’t know. I can’t explain it. I just…wanted him,” I whispered.

“That’s fucking low. Really fucking low. I had to leave him crying his eyes out in his bed to come here, so you’d better fix this, Kyle. If you don’t…then you can count on never speaking to me, Jack or Rian again. Yeah, Rian knows what you did, and he’s disgusted. My bet is that it won’t last long before Caleb finds out, and then Zack finds out, and both of them will be disgusted too. Then all you’ll have left is Pat, and even then he’ll be uncomfortable shifting between you and Zack. You’ve fucked everything up, Kyle. Big time,” Alex said angrily.

“I-I can’t lose everyone! I can’t!” I wailed.

“You should’ve thought about that, Kyle! You should’ve used your brain before dry humping Jack and using him! How are you even going to explain this to John?” Alex scoffed.

My silence told Alex everything he needed to know.

“You weren’t going to tell him, were you? You fucking coward. I thought you were one of my best friends, Kyle. I thought the Kyle I knew was a sweet and innocent guy. Clearly I was wrong,” Alex said coldly, shaking his head.

Panic ran through me as he started walking backwards. If he goes now, I’ll have lost all my friends for good!

“What do I do, Alex? I don’t want to lose everyone. I can’t lose everyone!” I whimpered.

Alex sighed, his cold anger crumbling to a sad defeat.

“I don’t know, Kyle. Hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if Jack refuses to ever be in the same room as you again. The first thing I would do is tell John Ohh. He’s your boyfriend – you can’t hide something as big as this from him,” Alex said softly.

“If I do that, will you still talk to me?” I sniffed.

“Kyle, I’m not ordering you to break up with your boyfriend. It’s your life, and you should do what you want. All I’m saying is that I’m with Jack on this. Until he’s forgiven you, I won’t,” Alex shrugged.

My face crumpled as tears flooded down my cheeks. I’m doomed. Alex sighed one last time and pressed a kiss to the top of my head.

“Just follow your heart, Kyle,” Alex murmured.

As he left the room, I curled up into a ball. I could barely breathe as an agonising pain shot through my chest, my blood pounding in my ears. So this is what getting your heart broken feels like. Well it’s fucking horrible.

But I know what I have to do.

*

I let myself into John’s house with the spare key he kept under the potted plant next to the door, shutting it quietly. I could hear nothing, which meant that only John would be in the house. I know when John’s brothers are home. Ross always has a video game on and Shane’s always listening to music. John will still be asleep – it’s before midday. As I thought about what I had to tell him, tears ran down my cheeks, so I quickly ran up to his room and opened the door. Indeed, he was still asleep. Sniffing quietly I kicked off my shoes and sat down on the bed next to him, stroking his hair in an attempt to wake him up. Slowly he stirred, opening his eyes with a lazy smile on his lips.

“Mm morning,” John drawled, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

“Morning,” I said back, my voice cracking.

John sat up with a concerned look on his face, until he realized my face was streaked with tears. Oh wonderful, he’s shirtless and only in his boxers. This makes things easier. Not. John swung his legs out of bed, standing up as I did. He wiped my face dry with his hands, pecking my cheeks with feather-like kisses, only making me more miserable. Why can’t he be a jerk? Why can’t he be easy to tell this to?

“What’s wrong? Why are you crying, babe?” John asked worriedly.

“I need to talk to you,” I whimpered.

“What about?” John asked cautiously.

“Ab-about the party last night. I…”

I trailed off, a lump rising in my throat. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t tell him. John took my hands in his, a frown on his lips.

“What happened at the party?”

I took a deep breath, letting go of his hands and backing up a bit, only making John more confused.

“I seduced Jack,” I whispered.

John’s jaw dropped

“You…what?” John choked.

“Please don’t make me say it again,” I begged, my eyes filling with tears again.

“Oh no, you’re not fucking getting out of this by crying, Kyle. You need to fucking explain yourself,” John said angrily.

I whimpered at his tone of voice and wrapped my arms around myself in a protective hug.

“I don’t want to say,” I whispered.

“Well I think you fucking should, especially if you cheated on me,” John hissed.

I swallowed heavily and sat down on his bed, leaving John standing up. I hate it when he gets as angry as this. Luckily his brothers aren’t in at the moment – the last time we argued like this they heard everything, and it was mortifying.

“I felt like I was going to be sick while me, Jack, Alex and Rian were outside, so I ran down the side of the house where I couldn’t see them anymore. Jack followed me to make sure I was alright. We were both drunk but I wanted him,” I started.

I closed my eyes briefly, seeing Jack’s beautiful face flash in my mind.

“You won’t like it,” I warned him, whispering.

“Just fucking tell me, Kyle,” John muttered, running his hand over his bed hair.

“Fine. He tried to help me sober up, but I kissed him. He didn’t respond for ages and tried to stop me, but I did that ear thing that you like me doing to you and finally got him to make-out with me. I pushed him onto his back and we dry humped. As soon as my orgasm faded, I realized what I’d done, and I ran away from the party,”

Tears were pouring down my cheeks by this point, but John just looked furious.

“I’m going to kill him,” was all John grunted.

“NO!” I blurted, standing up.

“Excuse me?” John spat.

“D-Don’t hurt him. Jack tried to stop me but I wouldn’t let him. It’s my fault,” I insisted

“I don’t care who’s fucking fault it is! He still dry humped with my boyfriend! He could’ve knocked you out if he really didn’t want you, fucking damn it! Why the fuck are you defending him anyway?” John yelled.

I just starting sobbing, shaking my head. I don’t have an answer for his question. I really don’t know why I’m defending Jack. Liar.

“Why the fuck would you do this to me, Kyle? We’ve had an amazing 5 months! Not once have I cheated on you! Not once have I treated you badly! Sure, we’ve had our arguments, but to cheat on me with Jack? What the fuck were you thinking, Kyle? Am I not good enough for you? Did you lie when you said you loved me?” John seethed, starting to pace.

“O-Of course I love you, John. Why would you think otherwise?” I spluttered.

“BECAUSE YOU FUCKING CHEATED ON ME! WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO THAT IF YOU REALLY LOVED ME!” John roared.

“I’m sorry John! I’m really really sorry! What will it take for you to see that?” I sobbed, grabbing fistfuls of John’s boxers to make him stop pacing.

“Don’t fucking touch me!” John shouted, shoving me harshly with two hands on my chest.

I stumbled backwards, tripping over a pair of shoes that were on the floor, and smacked my head on the corner of John’s desk on my fall down. I cried out in pain as I hit the floor, agony shooting across my skull. Shit this hurts!

“Fuck, Kyle! I’m sorry!” John yelped.

He immediately dropped to his knees and cradled my head in his hands, to which I flinched at. Sadness crept across John’s face, and he sighed, pulling me into his lap. I cried silently into his chest, my head and heart throbbing. He’s never pushed me like that before. Never.

“I think we know what we have to do,” John said softly, brushing my fringe out of my eyes.

“We don’t have to John! We don’t!” I whimpered.

“You cheated on me, and I pushed you so hard that you could’ve been seriously injured! A healthy relationship doesn’t go like that!” John laughed bitterly.

More tears welled in my eyes, my bottom lip trembling. I never thought John and I would end up like this. I never expected us to last forever, but I never thought we would break up in this situation.

“I’m s-sorry John. I never wanted to hurt you. I don’t even know why I cheated on you with Jack,” I choked.

“I think you do, Kyle. I know how close you and Jack are. There’s a chemistry between you, and that’s always been obvious,” John sighed.

“We’re just friends,” I blubbed.

“Not any more,” John smiled sadly, “Now you’re friends who’ve dry-fucked,”

A sob tore from my throat as I thought about how I’ve turned my life to shit overnight. Everything was fine yesterday! I had loving boyfriend and amazing friends, but now I have a looming ex-boyfriend and friends who hate me, except one who will want nothing to do with me. I have royally screwed my life up.

“So this is the end, huh?” I sniffed, looking up at John nervously.

“Yeah, I think it has to be. I really did love you Kyle, I hope you know that,” John said sadly.

“I love you too,” I whimpered.

John pressed one last slow kiss to my lips, before helping me stand up.

“I’m going to call Tim to get Pat to pick you up – you can’t walk anywhere incase you have concussion. There’s no blood but you do have a decent lump on the side of your head, so I’ll get you an ice pack too. Just stay here,” John ordered softly.

I didn’t bother to stop my tears falling as he left the room, collapsing to his floor. This day couldn’t have gone any worse. I dread to think what will happen from now on. I’ve lost everything I care about, so I don’t know what I’m going to do next.