Accidentally Yours

It was going to be the best day ever. That was the first thing I thought of the very moment I opened my eyes. I leaned against the window, breathing the scent of autumn. The crisp rustling of leaves. An entirely new breeze, different from the warmth of summer. A new beginning for everyone.

It would be night time in where my parents are. They’re on a trip, after all. Countries away from where I am. That doesn't mean I’m not happy about them; after all, they’re chasing after their dreams—living the life they should have lived earlier, if only my mother hadn’t gotten pregnant back when she was sixteen.

I smiled to myself. What was there to feel sad about? I was perfectly fine. I lived a simple teenage life. I got up at morning, went to school, hung out with a bunch of friends, studied, got back to my house, ate dinner, slept. The cycle went on every day.

Just as I was about to take a bath, I caught a glimpse of the date encircled with a red marker. It was today—her birthday. My best friend’s. Or my used-to-be best friend, Aly Carter. I wondered why, even after seven years, I still remembered her birthday.



There they are.

Aly and Rob started dating two years ago, back when we were fifteen, during our freshmen year. I had met Rob first, had fallen in love with him first, and had been with him first. Now, look at what had happened. They were together; I was alone.

I watched them from my locker. His arm wrapped around her waist, her face directed only to him. It took me every vein to turn my neck to them. Every bone to move my body.

Everywhere I went, it was always them from the past that was haunting me. Have they ever thought of me at all? Have I, who was part of their pasts as well, ever haunted them? They wouldn’t be dating if I did, would they?

A warm hand fell to my shoulder, taking me by surprise. I jumped, startled, and hit my back against the lockers. “Jesus!”

“No, it’s Raven,” he said with an amused smile playing on his lips. “Raven Evans. From the student committee? Don’t ever forget that name.”

“Ah,” I frowned almost immediately and wrinkled my nose when I caught a whiff of his scent. I’ve always hated men’s perfume other than what Rob wore, for some reason. “The guy who is always seen fooling around with different girls but is afraid of being tied down by one.”

“You actually believe in rumors, Hayley Ross?”

“It’s not a rumor—it’s a fact. What are you doing here?”

“Heh,” he eyed me amusedly. That amused look of his irritated me to the core. “What are you doing here, then?” He had long brown hair that was always spiky and tousled, and was always falling silkily against his forehead, and eyes that were the bluest of all the blues I’ve ever seen before. He was taller than me, that’s why he always teased my height—which was not a height to be proud of, considering that I am a junior student—and always towered over me like some giant. “Playing stalker?”

I blushed. So I was. Big deal. “N-no!” I lied. “Go away, will you?”

He lifted his chin up adamantly and said, “All right, already. I just came here to tell you that I’m not attending the committee meeting today. Will that be okay?”

“Don’t attend forever—that would be the best,” I smirked.

He grinned back and ruffled my hair, “For a cute little kid like you—“ my eyes widened at his words. “—you say words that sting straight to the heart.”

My voice shook as I mumbled, “I’m not a kid anymore.”

Raven stopped abruptly, surprised, unsure of what to say.

I breathed in, took a last look at Aly and Rob, and acted as if everything was perfectly fine. “I’ll be going now,” I smiled half-heartedly and walked away.



“I don’t get it,” Katrisse Sparks, my new best friend, said through chocolate-munching teeth. “What makes this Rob guy special? Y’know, in my point of view, I think he’s playing.”

“Rob…isn’t like that,” I defended, hardly sure of myself. “He wouldn’t do that.”

Kat mumbled a curse under her breath and sighed. “From your story, I can pretty much conclude that he is. I mean, really. He saw you as a kid just because you didn’t want to have—”

I pressed a finger against her lips to stop whatever secret of mine she was going to divulge. Her voice was loud enough to be heard anywhere.

She pushed my finger away, chuckling. “All right, all right, I get it. I won’t say it. But! You have to believe me that he’s a jerk.”

Even though I believed—I knew—he was a jerk, I just couldn’t bring myself to hate everything about him.



The school bell finally rang, signaling the end of the last period for the day. As I packed my stuff and got ready to go, Kat approached me, sighing like an old lady.

“Geeeez! That substitute teacher’s boringness almost killed me to death!” she exclaimed. “Let’s just go home already!”

I smiled and shook my head. “I’m going to check some books out at the library today, so you can go on ahead.”

“I can come with you, if you want,” she offered. I shook my head again, and this time she finally understood. “All right. Just don’t stay too late. See you!”

What I really wanted to check out was the book she bragged about to me almost every day, saying that it was the first book she’d ever liked and finished reading.

The library at Rothschild Academy was my favorite place. It was wide and spacious and scented with the fresh smell of book paper and shelf wood. It was where I found my peace. From the literary section, I went over to letter T, in search of a book entitled The Alchemyst. After what seemed like half an hour of rummaging through piles of books, I flopped down, tired, to an unoccupied table.

“So here’s where you were, Hayley,” an all-too-familiar voice said suddenly. I looked up and faced Rob Kingsley, who stood in front of me panting, with his golden hair covering half of his beautiful green eyes, and sweat trickling down from his forehead.

“Rob?” I asked, dumbfounded.

“I’ve been looking all over for you,” he gave me a sweet, warm smile that reminded me so much of summer. I missed talking to him, missed his smiles, his laughs—everything.

“Wh-what’s up?” I faltered.

“I know that we haven’t talk for God knows how long, but I wanted to invite you personally. I had to. It was Aly’s wish.”

“Aly? Is…Aly expecting me…to be at her party tonight?”

“Her birthday wish,” he began, his face serene and calm. “was to see you again. To talk to you again. To be friends with you again.”

I was at a loss for words. See, that was exactly why all of this was so painful. If it really was true that all this time Aly had wished for us to be back to the way things were in the past, for us to be friends again, then I didn’t have to right to feel as if I was the one who's hurting the most. I never had the right to begin with.

Before I could even change my mind, I nodded. Rob grinned widely in return. “See you tonight at my place then.”



I didn’t text Kat about what happened earlier. I felt bad about not telling her, but if I did, she would undoubtedly yell at me, saying that I was making a big mistake by believing—admitting—that I was the one who was at fault. That it was my fault I got hurt in the first place.

I fixed myself so as not to embarrass Aly and Rob at the party. After all, they were part of the “in” crowd. They shouldn’t be seen with a nobody like me, and yet they’re risking their status just to be able to fix the wrongs of the past.

I looked at myself. I wasn’t going to be the usual t-shirt-jeans-and-sneakers Hayley Ross tonight. I dressed myself up with some of my mom’s clothes: a lacy black, buttoned blouse, tight skinny jeans, and gladiator high-heels—which I could not walk normally on—and fixed my curly, long black hair into an up-do. I wore contacts as well. From my dull eye color of hazels, I wore a pair of grays. I also dabbed some make up that made me look mature, made me so…not me.

The hands of the clock were at eight by the time I finished. I was going to let all the things I held on to for two years go.



The party was filled with smoke, alcohol, music, and people. I’d been to Rob’s house before, but it didn’t look like a club back then, like it did right now.

It felt awkward to walk through couples making-out until they lost their breaths. All the girls wore racy clothes that shamelessly revealed most their skins. Compared to them, I looked like a cosplayer—like a motorcyclist female character from some movie.

I scanned the crowd for Rob and Aly, and finally saw them sitting at a lounge chair. My heart sank when I noticed how Aly looked so different. Just like all the other girls, Aly, who was once so pure and innocent, wore a black, sleeveless tank top that revealed already too much. Her skirt was tight and short, something she had once detested.

Aly turn into the kind of girl we used to laugh at, used to hate, back when we were still best friends.

I froze when our eyes met. She said something to Rob, who then turned to look at me. Aly hesitated for a moment, but Rob took her hand and led her right to where I was.

Several moments later, they were in front of me, hand in hand. “Glad you came,” he began with a smile. Then, he stared at me, head to toe. “You look great.”

Aly shifted nervously beside him and bit her lip. She spoke after a moment, still not looking at me. “Hi, Hayley.”

“Hi,” I replied. My voice didn’t come out as naturally as I expected. “N-nice party. Happy Birthday, Aly. Sorry, I don't have a gift for you.”

“No!” she answered. “I’m really happy you came. That’s the best gift you could give me.”

I saw Rob’s creep over to Aly’s waist as he whispered something in her ear. I felt a pang as I watched Aly nod. Rob excused himself shortly after, leaving me and Aly alone.

“You’ve changed so much,” I said, averting my eyes.

She didn’t say anything, but from the corner of my eyes I could see her nibbling on her lip—one of the mannerisms she did everytime she was nervous.

“It’s—not like I hate you,” I continued. “I don’t hate you, for what happened.”

Aly faced me again, her eyes starting to fill. I wasn’t sure if I meant the words I said, but I had to mean them, so I smiled.

“I missed you so much!” she cried finally, hugging me.

Even her perfume changed, I noticed. Back then we used the same cologne, everyday. Now she smelled like a woman. “I missed you too.”

We pulled away after, and she wiped her tears with hand. “You know,” she grinned—the only thing that made her look like her real self—widely. “I’m really, really happy you came to talk to me again. This is the best day ever!”

I smiled half-heartedly, unsure if all of this were really that easy. The pain I was feeling should be gone after we’ve made up, so why was it still here? And why did it feel even more painful than before?

Just then, her phone rang. She excused herself and answered it. “Yeah, got it,” she said before she hung up. Turning to me, she said, “Well, go ahead and enjoy yourself for a moment. I’ll be right back.”

I watched as she walked through the crowd. Followed her with my eyes until I saw where she was going. Rob stood with his back against the wall near the stairs, and Aly walked towards him. Rob leaned in, his hands moving all over her body, and kissed her passionately.

I wanted to drop right there and then as I watched them. I wanted to stop looking, but I couldn’t move an inch. I wanted to run, but my legs froze in their place. I hated myself for feeling this way. They weren’t to blame for this—I was.

I was the one who, even after all this time, kept chasing after them.

Aly and Rob walked up the stairs—to where the bedrooms where. I realized then the painful truth. They were going to do it. Aly was going to give it up to a guy who could or could not be her husband in the future. They were going to do it at the age of seventeen.

I gained control of myself shortly after realizing I was making a fool of myself. A waiter passed by with a tray filled with colorful drinks on his palm. He offered me one, and I gratefully took it. I needed a drink anyway.

The cool juice filled my mouth and satiated my thirst, but not the pain I was feeling deeper inside. I gulped it all down and looked for some more.



Raven sat on a couch with girls whose names he had already forgotten at the party. A friend of Rob’s was also Raven’s friend, that was why he ended up here, with faces he didn’t know.

“Raven, come drink,” a blonde girl purred, leaning in to show him her cleavage. Raven wondered if the girl really was drunk.

He smiled politely and refused. “I don’t drink,” he said.

The other girl from his other side, the girl with a bob-cut, wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him close. “Would you drink it if we do it mouth to mouth?”

Raven leaned in closer to the girl, almost as if he were going to kiss her. The bob-cut girl closed her eyes. Raven pulled away without even touching her lips, teasing her. “You’re not drunk, all right.”

He scanned the room, now feeling bored to death. That was when he noticed a girl he knew from school, standing like a wallflower, leaning with her back against the wall as she drank. She looked totally different from usual—her clothes, her hair, everything.

Raven stood up from his seat, leaving the girls. They called for him, but he ignored them. He had finally found someone worth talking to in this lifeless, boring party.



The music banged my eardrums, the crowd went wild, everything spun around me. I leaned against the back of the wall, finding my balance desperately. As I stood there, I wondered why exactly I forced myself to go to the party my first love threw for my ex-best friend.

Just then, someone approached me, a boy, his eyes flashing and his movements lithe under the strobe lights. “Well, if it isn’t Hayley,” he said amusedly. “You okay?”

The familiarity of the voice made me realize who it was. I forced a smile. “Why would I not be?” I took a sip from the strange juice I kept drinking all night—something I grabbed from the waiters that passed by.

Raven leaned in and wrinkled his nose. “Oh, geez. Have you been drinking? You reek of alcohol.”

“Alcohol?” I looked at the glass. My eyesight began to blur soon after he’d mention it. “Is this what alcohol tastes like? If it is…I like it. I really…really like it.”

Raven looked at me, and I felt something from his stare. There was something familiar about the way he looked at me. It was similar to Rob’s.“Stop drinking, Hayley,” his voice came out low and demanding.

Strangely, I felt warm euphoria—elation. Inexplicable happiness. And then I lost control, of my words, of my thoughts, of my emotions…what was happening to me?

I sank to my knees all of a sudden. Stinging pain overthrew my happiness. It was so painful…so sad. It was like dropping to the cold ground from the highest peak.

The words slipped uncontrollably out of my mouth. “Why did it have to be her when it could have been me?” I pulled on his collar. “Come with me!”

He didn’t say anything, so I grabbed his hand and searched for a place to sit. As soon as I rested on my feet, he asked me, “What now?”

“Now, we drink,” I answered matter-of-factly.

“Hayley, that’s enough.”

“I don’t wanna stop…”

He sighed. “I’m bad with alcohol, that’s why I don’t drink. You shouldn’t drink either.”

I called for a waiter, and he left two bottles on our table. I grabbed the bottle, opened it, and drank. It wasn’t as sweet as the ones I drank a moment ago—in fact it was bitter and I hated it—but I kept gulping it all down.

“Hayley,” Raven grabbed my hand. “Stop it already.”

I didn’t want to cry, but the tears kept flowing and flowing out. It was all this damn Raven’s fault for butting in to my business.

“Drink,” I ordered weakly, sobbing and crying. “So I won’t have to look like I’m drinking alone. So I won’t have to look like I’m alone.”

I heard him let out a sigh again, and the next few seconds, he was drinking and listening to whatever I had to say.

This was supposed be the best day ever.



The first thing I saw the moment I opened my eyes was a white ceiling with glow in the dark stars stuck to it. I smiled, thinking how beautiful it must be at night.

That’s when I remembered that my dorm room’s ceiling was painted yellow. Not white.

I looked to my side, and I saw Raven. I scrambled up from the bed and noticed that my blouse was half-unbuttoned and that my zipper was open. My heart throbbed. I panicked. My vision blurred.

He opened his eyes slowly, still unaware of the current situation. He blinked a few times before his eyes widened in surprise, and then we both screamed.

“Hayley!”

“Raven!”

“Why are you in my room?” he demanded, moving away abruptly from me.

“Why am I in your room?” I yelled back, doing the same.

His shirt was unbuttoned as well, and so was mine. I couldn’t remember anything from last night, aside from meeting Rob and Aly at the party.

“I can’t remember anything!” he ruffled his hair frantically. “Did I do something last night? Oh God…Don’t tell me—”

I fell to the floor on my knees, shaking. I did it—we did it, didn’t we? That would be the only reason our clothes were as if someone tried to remove them, and I was sleeping on his bed with him.

At sixteen, I had already done it. My first time was taken away by someone I didn’t love, and I couldn’t remember how the hell it had happened.