Oh Amelia

John

I woke up on the couch to Amelia cooking breakfast in my kitchen. She was dressed in what she wore last night with her back turned to me as she cooked the eggs and bacon. I stirred and rubbed my eyes which caused her to look back at me.

"Hey.." She smiled. "I'm making breakfast."

"I can see that." I replied in a raspy tone from having just woken up. I stood up from the couch and stretched before walking over to the kitchen.

"You didn't have to put me in your bed last night. I was fine on the couch."

Last night after she told me what happened and we agreed she needed help we decided to watch tv to take our minds off of everything. She eventually nodded off around 5:30 and I carried her to my room. As I covered her up with my blankets I just stared down at her in disbelief. How could Amelia do this to herself? Was she really that miserable without Andrew? She looks like such an angel yet her demons seemed to show themselves tonight.

"John?" She asked due to my prolonged silence.

"Oh, no you deserved the bed after your night." I sighed, thinking back to it.

"I could say the same thing." She mumbled as she portioned the eggs onto plates.

"Well I was only on the couch for what, 6 hours?" I chuckled as I scratched my head. She gave me an apologetic frown.

"John, I'm so sorry I'm putting you through all of this. You know you can be done with me at any time, right? Just say the word and I'll be out of your life." She rambled, nervous and upset.

"No, no Amelia I'm not going anywhere." I told her as I put my arms around her. "I'm gonna be here through it all. You can't get rid of me that easy."

She stayed silent so I kept my arms around her. Then, after a minute I felt her arms snake around my torso and she leaned into me.

"Thank you." She whispered.

I just kissed the top of her head in response.

We sat down and ate our breakfast with minimal conversation. We were both avoiding what happened last night. I felt like she should be the one to bring it up so I didn't say anything. We talked about normal things like her work and our friends but soon enough breakfast was over and we had to get back to our lives.

"I'll drive you home in a minute just let me change." I told her before walking back to my room. She nodded and sat waiting patiently for me in the living room.

The car ride was pretty quiet as well. She hummed along to one of the songs on the radio and soon enough we were at her place. It was only about a five minute drive.

"Thanks for the ride-"

"I'm coming in." I cut her off.

She swallowed and nodded as we walked into her place.

"What should I do?" She asked as we sat down in the living room. Her hands were a bit shaky. I wondered if she was just nervous or if withdrawal was setting in that quickly.

"First, you should get rid of it all." I told her, sure of my words. "Then I think you need to see somebody."

"You're right." She nodded as she stood up. She walked up to her room and came back down shortly with her hands full. She stuck it all in a tote bag and handed it to me. "Just-" She started to say before sighing and touching her forehead, her nervous habit.

"Just what?" I asked as I reached out for the bag.

"Just keep it for awhile, please? In case I go through withdrawal or something." She told me, avoiding eye contact.

"Sure." I replied. It was probably better to know what she'd been taking in case something happened. Besides, she won't find it at my place. I can barely find anything there.

I looked into the bag curiously and was shocked. There were at least 6 different kinds of pills, cocaine, but something wasn't there.

"Amelia."

"What?" She asked, pretending not to know.

"Come on this place reeks of weed but there's none in here." I pointed out.

"John, seriously?" She asked with a nervous chuckle. "You get stoned all the time."

"You need to be serious about this. First it's just weed, then it's just pills, then it's just coke. You've got to get rid of it all, I'm serious." I lectured.

"I'll never be able to fall asleep. Just let me wean myself of that at least." She bargained. "You know I'll be going crazy the first couple days. I can't quit everything cold turkey."

I thought about it and although she seemed to make sense I was still weary.

"Two weeks. That's it." I said, giving in.

"Thanks." She chuckled.

"I'm really worried about you." I admitted as I sat back down on the couch, staring into the bag.

"I'll be fine." She assured me as she sat next to me and placed her hand on my arm. My heart stopped for a second and my hands got sweaty. I don't know how she has this affect on me.

Maybe because I'm in love with her. That might do it.

I looked to my right and saw her wedding picture. Andrew had an arm around her waist and a hand on her cheek and she was staring up at him like he was the only guy in the world.

She might look at me like that someday if I help her through all of this.

"Can you believe that was over three years ago?" She whispered. I turned to her and her eyes were focused on the picture as well.

"I remember how much you hated planning that wedding." I chuckled thinking back to the engagement party and rehearsal dinner when Andrew teased her about the wedding being more his vision than hers.

"Yeah.." She smiled. "I couldn't believe how he just took care of almost everything. I wish I hadn't taken it for granted."

"He knew how much you loved him, Amelia. When he would spend all day on tour driving or doing interviews or sound checks or whatever and you would send him dinner from whatever city we were in, you should've seen the look on his face. He always loved whatever it was just because it was from you."

She smiled and stayed silent. This was the first time she hadn't cried when we brought him up in detail. There were tears in her eyes but she wasn't crying.

"He always cooked for me so I figured it was the least I could do since everyone knows I can't cook." She laughed as she reflected on the memory.

We sat in silence for a moment or two when I reached over and grabbed her hand. I laced our fingers and she placed her other hand on top before leaning up to kiss my cheek.

"Thanks for everything, John. I know you're really trying and I appreciate it."

"Is it working?" I asked, half jokingly.

"I think maybe some parts of me are just broken beyond repair at this point." She sighed as she looked down at our intertwined hands.

"Hey." I whispered as I tilted her chin up to look at me. "You're not broken beyond repair in any way. We'll get through this."

"I hate being sober." She said barely loud enough to hear.

"You're going to be fine." I reassured her.

"I don't think I can live without them, John." She panicked.

"All that stuff turned you into a zombie, Amelia. You weren't even living with them. You're going to be fine and you're going to feel better. I promise."

"I don't want to keep hurting you." She said. "I don't know when I'm going to be ready John. I really don't."

"Don't worry about me. I can take care of myself. Let's just focus on getting you better and we'll see what happens, okay? No pressure." I smiled down at her, trying to ease her nerves.

She looked at me in a way she never had before and my heart started racing again.

"You're a really great guy, John." She smiled before kissing my cheek again and getting up from the couch.

She went to go shower and get ready while I looked up addiction counselors in the Phoenix area. Most of them were free but in a bad part of the city. One of the counselors caught my eye. Her area of expertise was women and she seemed really nice. I called her office and explained the situation. The secretary put me on hold then picked up a few minutes later confirming Amelia's 3:30 appointment.

I was starting to feel really hopeful about the whole thing. Amelia seemed like she was ready to change and I was happy to help in whatever way I could.

"Who was on the phone?" She asked as she came downstairs dressed and ready for the day.

"I made you an appointment with a drug and alcohol counselor for this afternoon. She seems nice." I explained.

"Oh, that was... quick." I responded, not seeming too enthusiastic about it.

"I think the sooner you see her the better."

"No, yeah I agree it's just been an emotionally exhausting couple of days. I don't know if I'm ready to rehash life story to somebody in a few hours." She sighed.

"She can't make you talk about anything you don't want to. I'll be in the waiting room the whole time. If you don't want to be there then we can leave but at least try." I pleaded as I walked over to her and gently took her hands in mine.

"I'll go."