My Little Bubble , Needs To Be Popped

I take another sip of my beer till Pat come running up to me. Sweat coming down his forehead and he was gasping for air. I watch as he stops in front of me.

"I need you to go get Garrett! Some girl wants to talk to him or something like that."

I cock my head to the side, "oh- uh- okay, I'll do that."

I watch as Pat gives me a smile and runs off. I just shake my head and start off to where Garrett was at. The sun was gone and only the fire was giving us light. Making it seem peaceful. I was a humble person, and this was the best peace I had.

I watch as Garrett runs after Lilly. I was jealous to say a the least but none less. It didn't bother me, knowing Garrett was like a brother to her. Or was he? I really don't know. I watch as he picks her up and spins her around. I open my mouth.

"Garrett, Pat needs you."

I watch as both people snap their heads up and look at me. I don't know what Garrett did, but he came up to me and passed me. I just shake my head softly and my face in a weird expression. I watch as Lilly tries to figure me out. She was good at figuring out what was going on in my head.

I watch her take a seat in the sand, "you can join me . . . . . ."

She said that in a whisper. Glad I could hear over the waves crashing. I shuffle around in the sand, my feet dragging in the sand. I take a seat next to her and lean back.

"You and Garrett. . . .seem pretty close."

I look at her, her face going in shock. I didn't understand why though. It was just a question, I guess.

“We always were. Do I sense a jealous tone?”

Good thank God. I watch as she moves closer to my face, but I turn my head before she could see my face. She takes a breath and moves away from me. I move my head and look at the stars above me.

“John…I want to ask you something…”, I listen to her quiet voice, “I need an honest answer, no matter if it hurts me more or not but I need to know if that had been the first time you’d cheated on me. Was it John? Or had you been getting drunk at parties and screwing with girls the whole time?

I snap my head to her. Scutch up my eyebrows and bit my cheek. I didn't know how to explain to her. I just open my mouth and a weird noise came out of me. I laugh nervously and re-gain myself.

"Well, if you want honesty", I scratched the back of my neck, "I did cheat on you. Like three times. I got drunk. I couldn't help myself. The first two times, I thought they were you, till I woke and saw that it wasn't. I thought it wasn't such a big deal, but it was.

Then the last time was at the party", I cringed at the memory, "Fuck. I fucked up big time. You had no idea how fucking shitty I felt. Babydoll, you were all I could think of when it happened. Then I head you that you left.. and I was like fuck!"

I scratch at my forearm. Taking a deep breath I tried to finish, "Everything that happened was my fault. Not knowing what I was going to do, except beg for you forgiveness. I know it won't and wouldn't work, so I just let you leave. I did think about you though. I still have the picture that Pat took of us," I pull out my iPhone and show her the screen, "I never did forget you."

I watch as she whips tear away and she stands up, "why didn't you fucking say anything? Huh, John? Were you scared that I would of dumped your ass? Is that why?"

I stood up and tried to grab her, but she pushed me away, "no! It wasn't that. I didn't want to leave you broken hearted!"

I watch as black eyeliner runs down her face, "well you sure in Hell left me fucking hearted, stupid ass!"

I cringed back and let her cry. She falls into me and I sit us down on the sand. Her tears soaking into my white v-neck. I rub her back and I lay us down on the dry sand. I lean into her and whisper into her ear.

"I never meant to hurt you. You were my everything, and still are. That means a lot. I love you, Lily."

I watch as she flips herself around and he sniff. Her small little girl hands reach up and wipe her tears away. I lean up on my elbow and use my thumb to wipe her tears away. I watch as she turns her head to look at me.

"Why, John? Why?"

"I. . . . . really don't know, Lily. I didn't mean to do the shit to you."

I listen to her sniff again. My babydoll was crying, and it was my fault.

"I'm sorry. I wish I could do something."

I watch her look at me and look back at the stars, "maybe you could."

I roll onto my back to look at the stars again, "and what's that?"