My Little Bubble , Needs To Be Popped

Waking up with a hangover, stumbling over my boys, and going outside to find Paris was simply amazing. Well more so seeing Paris than the first two things.

Paris was the younger sister of a member of a new band hitting the streets, one that the record company I work for signed not too long ago. I met her along the way and we’ve been getting to know each other ever since. She was really the only girl I ever talked to back in New York, the only girl who seemed to not create drama over little stupid things. We just…click.

That’s probably why we’re chilling in lawn chairs in front of the bus with cold beers in our hands while watching everyone unpack everything that was needed and set up all the stages. It was going to be a busy day, a very busy day…for them. I wouldn’t be needed for a while and neither would Paris.

“Hey Lily, the one who came off the bus when we were talking earlier…that was John O’Callaghan, right?”

Wonderful, this was the last conversation I wanted to have right now. Sighing, I brought the bottle to my lips, letting the liquid slide down my throat before I put it back down and looked to Paris.

“Yeah, why?”

“He’s hot.”

“He’s okay.”

“He looks like fun.”

“He could be.”

“Think he’d be interested in me if I tried to go after him?”

My eyes widened slightly as I shook my head harshly, needing to get that thought out of her head.

“Trust me, he’s an asshole and you don’t need to be with someone like him.”

“Are you sure?”

I looked over to her, looking into her bright blue eyes that I knew had never experienced heartbreak as bad as I had with John. She didn’t need to be exposed to that.

“Paris…trust me on this. Just avoid becoming more than friends with him.”

A lot more people were running around and taking care of things, annoying me and Paris so we decided it was time we split till later when things calmed down. Both Paris and I quickly put our chairs away and said a quick goodbye before heading off onto our separate buses. I’d just shut the door when I got a text message, making me pause with a hand on the railing.

Benji wanted to know how things were going.

Sighing, I sent a quick text to him that I’d call him tonight like I’ve done every night before sliding it into my pocket and heading up the short few steps. The bus had its air conditioner going on full blast so air was coming out hard from the vent, nearly making me lose my balance but a hand held me up.

“Thanks Jared.” I breathed out, shaking my head as I walked over to one of the couches and crashed beside Garrett.

“Do you remember anything from last night?” He asked as I cuddled into his side.

His question made me think about the past events but nothing was coming up, all just a foggy haze so I could only hope I didn’t do anything stupid.

“Nope. I just remember going to the club and ordering a round of drinks.”

He nodded, leaning his head back and rubbing his temple. Obviously, he had a bad headache. I shifted slightly, looking around to see most of my boys were suffering and I then noticed the empty bottle of Advil. Well, at least they’d become more fun later.

I pushed myself up off the couch and over toward the back, noting one curtain that was drawn and I knew it was John. After he walked past this morning I didn’t see him for a couple of hours so he must have eventually come back on the bus. For a moment I just stood there, leaning against the door frame that separates the bunks from the main area as I waited to see if he was moving around or not. When not a sound came I walked forward to the bunk, my finger curling around the soft fabric as I pulled it back.

John looked peaceful but I could see the lines of trouble in his face and I had a feeling I was the reason behind it all. I held my breath as I looked him over, trying to determine if he was actually asleep or not. He hadn’t moved to look at me or even show that he was aware I was there so I let out a quiet breath and reached forward.

My hand shook as I brushed my fingers through his soft hair and down the side of his face, leaning forward to rest my chin on the soft mattress as I watched his beautiful face. I really hoped he was asleep.

“You don’t know how much I hate avoiding you…” I whispered, more so talking to myself. “But I can’t risk my heart again. I thought…I thought we were always going to be together but I guess I was just being naïve.”

I sighed, reaching forward to play with a strand of his brown hair. A smile pulled on my lips as a memory played in my head.

“Being with you always made me so happy, you just brightened my world with your presence so I always thought that I needed to be the best girlfriend you’d ever had. I really thought I’d done everything to make you happy but I guess it wasn’t enough. I want to blame the cheating on the alcohol but…you can only blame so much on the alcohol.”

“He wouldn’t have cheated on you if he wasn’t drunk.”

I nearly jumped ten feet in the air at the sound of Garrett’s voice, having been focused on John waking up or already being awake rather than someone coming up behind me.

“That’s a nice thought but in my book, if you really love someone then you don’t cheat on them. Drunk or not.”

“Are you saying you never had an accident?”

I narrowed my eyes on Garrett, standing up straighter as I spoke. “I can gladly say that I haven’t. The couple of guys I dated before John were nothing but even then I didn’t ever cheat.”

“Lily, I’m not trying to get you mad at me. I’m just saying…give John a break. I think he honestly didn’t mean to cheat on you and he didn’t tell you about it because he might have thought he could stop it all.”

“Do I need to bring the party back into play here?! I was fucking right there when he decided that screwing a blonde bimbo was better than me!” I seethed out in as low of a voice as I could while still yelling.

Garrett visibly winced and looked away before sighing. “Careful, he’s good at pretending to be asleep.”

My eyes widened as he walked away and I snapped to look at John, glaring at his figure before I rolled my eyes and back away, heading over to the bunk I’d claimed. I lie down and shift around to find a comfortable position before pulling the curtain back. From under the pillow I pull out the beanie, twirling it around my fingers before I just clutched it tight in my hands.

Why did this have to be so hard? What happened to forgive and forget? I was scared of forgiving John. Forgiving him meant accepting him which would lead to us becoming friends and I knew my feelings for him would jump out from the box I’d locked them away in. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t go through the pain I went through when John cheated on me.

Ugh, I need a damn smoke.

I pushed myself up into a sitting position and reached into my pocket, flipping up the little box to see that I only had two cigarettes left. Damn, now I’m going to have to make a run to a gas station or something in order to get a new pack. Mumbling incoherent words, I tossed the pack against the wall where my feet rested, watching it bounce on my legs and then slide off to the side. As much as I wanted one, I couldn’t waste them.

The sad thing was, I needed them to stop the creeping thoughts and that’s why I caved in, grabbing the pack and making my way off the bunk and to the door with a cancer stick already between my lips and Benji’s lighter in my hand. I pushed open the door with my shoulder, the blast of hot summer air making me cringe as I raised my lighter up and let the flame tickle the end of the cigarette before it lit up and I was able to put my lighter away.

“Holy shit!”

I screamed out when I came face to face to John who I hadn’t seen resting up against the bus. Seriously, that was scary as hell to just turn around and see him, especially considering he was the one I was escaping from. I fumbled around with my cigarette that was coming loose from my lips thanks to my scream, managing to get it between my index finger and middle finger without dropping it.

“You know, standing there all creepy looking makes you seem like some pervert or something.” I commented calmly, flicking the ashes off the end of my cancer stick while looking down at the ground.

Avoid his face; avoid the eyes that you love so much.

“You know, everyone sticks up for you.” I mumbled quietly as I leaned back against the bus next to him, maybe with a little too much space between us but I couldn’t risk moving closer to him. “They all think I should get over what happened and forgive you. Cut you some slack. But none of you understand just how….”

I trailed off, shaking my head before I took a drag from my cigarette, pulling it away from my lips to flick the ashes off.

“Nevermind…Just forget I said anything.” I mumbled but I didn’t move, just continued smoking my cancer stick that was currently relieving some of the thoughts that were buzzing around my head.