All I Wanted

I wasn't as upset as I expected to be when I got home. Drew had made me forget things for a while; and it was nice. Anyway, when I got home mom was on the couch watching Cat on a Hot Tin Roof and waved to me.

"How was the party?" she asked, pausing the movie.

"It was..." I began to remember why I had walked home, "I don't wanna talk about it," mom frowned.

"Are you sure sweetie?" I nodded, "Okay, well there's still turkey in the oven if you're hungry," I gave her a nice smile and went to shower.

When I was snapped back into reality I didn't want to talk to anyone. Mom was concerned again, it being after Christmas; she sat on my bed after I refused to watch A Christmas Story with her.

"Now something is wrong, because you love that movie," I pulled my knees to my chest.
"Normal told me something that really fucked me up," mom scooted closer; I never cuss around her, purposely.

"What happen?" I looked up at mom, tears swelling up.

"She stab me in the back," I hated to tell my mom what she really had done.

Mom read my face; she was better than Normal at it. She frowned then held her mouth; it was like my eyes had replayed this morning.

"Frankie?" I nodded, "What happen?"

"I don't wanna talk about it."

Mom pulled me into a hug and let me sob into her shoulder. I couldn't control my emotions; I was all over the place.
-

When New Years rolled around, I was still in no mood to talk to anyone. The only person who I did let in was Drew. He was only person I could talk to and it didn't hurt that a cute boy wanted to hang out with me. I didn't answer my phone, deleted the emails, put everything, that was Frank's, in a box, ready to ship. I wanted to erase him from my life. I didn't want to talk to him anymore.

I sat in the living room, watching the Fuse New Years special. Mom was getting ready for a party, and had offered to bring me along.

"I just wanna watch this, and Drew might come by," I stared at the TV; music videos played, but I wasn't paying attention.

"Are you sure?" I nodded, "Okay, I'll be home early in the morning."

I waved goodbye to here and continued to numb myself. I curled up and watched some band play loud, metal music until another video came on. Familiar strings played, I knew the song, but couldn't remember who it was.

"Well, when you go..." I saw Gee's famous dark hair pop up; I Don't Love You.

My stomach lurched forward. I stopped myself from changing it and continued to watch. I hadn't seen this one yet, but I knew the song. It was pretty sad, the way he sang made me feel worse.

The played on as I began to cry, god I hate crying. The video showed a man and woman loving and then parting, with the band playing, then falling. The sight of Frank made the tears worse. 

As the video ended, I cuddled closer to myself, wiping those damn tears away. I flipped the channels and soon found myself asleep.

I woke up to someone pressing their lips to mine. I groaned a bit, turning my head.

"Nice try, Drew," I mumbled, sleepily.

"Who the hell is Drew?" my eyes flicked opened to the voice.

I jumped up, knocking myself on the ground, with a loud thud. The quilt twisted around my legs, bounding me. I rubbed my eyes, looked up and saw Frank making his way over to me.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I shouted at him.

"Well, I thought you fell off the face of the earth!" he lent out his hand, "I wanted to know what happen to you."

I pushed his hand away, looking at him, anger taking over, "Did you not call that whore of yours?" he eyed me, confused.

"What?"

I set my jaw, "Marilyn." 

I pulled the blanket from my legs, tossing it beside me and standing.

"What?" he repeated confused.

"I'm surprised you didn't go see her first." I spat.

"Sunny, what are you talking about?"

"Oh, so you haven't been sleeping with her?"

His face fell, he then rubbed his neck. He didn't know what to say, his eyes searched mine for an excuse. He opened his mouth, closed then sighed.

"I...what are you talking--"

I cut him off, "Don't play dumb! You know what I'm talking about!"

He tweaked his lips, "...Okay, so we fucked."

I raised my hand and slapped him. He was stunned, touching his cheek, "You are such a fucking creep!"

He sighed again, "I didn't--"

I cut him off again, "Save the goddamn excuse because I already heard it and I don't wanna hear it from you." I could feel myself becoming angrier, "I can't believe you, Frank, honestly. I mean, you said so much nice shit to me, and I stupidly, believed it all. I was so stupid, I thought you actually cared about me."

He furrowed his brows, "I do care! I love you!"

"You don't love me! You never gave a fuck about me! And even if you did, you would have been a man and told me, but no, she had to tell me!"

He relaxed his features, looking for something to say. The tears, that I had been harboring, were now swarming. I knew it'd be a matter of time before I'd breakdown.

"Sunny...I didn't mean to--"

"What? You didn't mean to do it or you didn't mean for her to tell?" I sniffed my tears up, "I hate you. I hate you so much, it turns my stomach just to think of you. I knew from the beginning that this wouldn't work, and I'm glad its all ending before I did something even stupider with you!"

His puppy dog eyes stared into mine. He was speechless, unable to comprehend all that I had said. The way he looked, the way he was begging, with his eyes, made me want to grasp him into a hug. At the same time I want to kick him in the chest, and make him feel how I did. 

"And," I started, "out off all the girls, why her? Why Frank?"

His shoulders slumped, "I wasn't thinking."

"I'm gonna need a better excuse than that!"

He sighed, still looking me over, "That day, at the hotel, she was crying and sad..."

"That's great, thank you." my sarcastic remark made him frown harder.

"It was only once."

"No it wasn't."

He sucked his lip in, putting his hand over her mouth. He turned, sighed and looked back at me, "It didn't mean anything," he repeated.

"You had a fucking girlfriend who was willing to sleep with you, why would you do it?"

He didn't know how to respond. He just looked at me, sorrow, pitiful eyes. 

"Sunny, I...I didn't...it was nothing."

"I'm glad it's over," I reflected again, "now I know I meant nothing to you."

He furrowed his brows again, "You mean--"

"Save it!"

He wallowed for a minute, "So it's over?"

I nodded, "I don't ever want to see you again."