Status: Comments Are Welcomed :D
White Roses for Mary
Love And Pain
It took two days for Zak to get home; one to sleep and one to travel.
I examined his house as he settled in. The living room was filled with skulls; there was no other way to describe it besides that. I went through the rest of the house on my own as I waited for Zak to return. Simple enough; rooms, bathroom, kitchen, and carpet; the master bedroom sat at the end of the hall. I walked towards it and peeked in finding Zak unpacking.
I stepped in but stop suddenly when he paused what he was doing and looked up.
Oh no, does he know I’m here?
He looked in the direction I was in and quickly walked over. I back away and watched as he looked into the hall. I panicked; worried he knew I was here. I didn’t want him to know, I was afraid he’d hate me for following him home.
I didn’t want that.
He shook his head before returning to what he was doing; that was a close one, I have to be more careful from now on.
Calming down I stepped into the room again and decided to take a seat on the floor. The bed might show the depression of me siting if I sat there.
I looked up at Zak as I absentmindedly picked at the carpet beneath me. I examined everything about him; the tiredness in his eyes, the way he gracefully yet muscularly moved when he walked around his room putting things in their rightful place, and the way his body seemed to react to my presence even if he was unaware.
I knew this was something different on the way I evaluated him alone; I knew I had found something in death I didn’t get to experience in life; love.
I love the way he laughs, I love the way he smiles, I love the unnoticeable wrinkles beneath his eyes, I love his black hair, I love his muscular body, I love his approach on the paranormal, I loved the way he made me feel alive, I love the way he speaks to ghosts, I love how he seems more comfortable around spirits then humans, I love him.[AN: Yes this is everything (almost everything) I love about him. XD]
It’s just that simple; but it’s not. It was more complicated than any other relationship in the world. Why? Because he was alive and I was dead.
As harsh as it sounds it was truth, reality, fact, and as much as I’d like it to there was nothing to change that. I will forever be here with him, watching silently, admiring him from another dimension, and loving him in hopelessness.
I suppressed a sigh at my thoughts in fear he’d hear me.
He finished his unpacking and had collapsed onto his King sized bed with black bed sheets. He grabbed something and turned on a TV, I was shocked a moment when I saw the pictures in color? [AN: She died in the 50’s remember.]
Getting over my shock I got up and walked to the other side of the bed, where Zak lay, and sat on the floor beneath him.
I watched him lay there and my hand itched to reach up and touch him. I wanted to lie beside him and fall asleep again, to listen to his heart beat along with mine, and to feel our two warm bodies close to each other locked in a loving embrace; I wanted to be alive again.
I couldn’t do any of these things because I was dead. I couldn’t sleep, my heart doesn’t beat anymore, and I was cold since there was no blood flowing inside to warm me.
I had never had such depressing thoughts in my life after death until now; until Zak.
Love without pain isn’t love at all though.
If we didn’t experience pain we couldn’t truly experience love. Like how we wouldn’t feel true happiness without sadness, or we can’t truly be full until we had experienced hunger, and true rest until we had stayed up many sleepless nights until it hurt.
Everything worthwhile came with pain; sadly I didn’t realize that until after it was too late. If I had realized it in life I wouldn’t have killed myself; every cloud does have a silver lining and every night, its own dawn.
I wasn’t aware of how late it had gotten until Zak got up to change. I got up and looked out the window to see only darkness. I turned to see Zak in jogging pants and without a shirt. If there was blood in my body I would have blushed. I looked down feeling uncomfortable but my eyes pulled themselves back up to look at him.
He was turned away from me and I traced the back tattoo he had with my eyes, once he turned back around I traced every crease of his abs before finally shaking myself out of it. I stared at the white carpet beneath me before looking back up when he got into bed.
He turned the TV back off and I waited in the darkness until I heard his breath even. I walked to the bed and waited a few more seconds before slowly sliding into the bed next to his sleeping form. I paused when he stirred and continued once he calmed back down. I laid on my side and looked up at him.
He looked so peaceful; his mouth hung open slightly as soft breathing escaped, his lids shut the world off to him, and his chest moved up and down signaling he was still alive.
After a moment longer my small hand reached up and hovered over his face, his breath tickled my hand. After finally deciding he wasn’t going to wake up I slowly caressed his cheek. When he didn’t move my hand traced his body until I reached his arms and stopped. I traced his cross tattoo for the rest of the night.
I examined his house as he settled in. The living room was filled with skulls; there was no other way to describe it besides that. I went through the rest of the house on my own as I waited for Zak to return. Simple enough; rooms, bathroom, kitchen, and carpet; the master bedroom sat at the end of the hall. I walked towards it and peeked in finding Zak unpacking.
I stepped in but stop suddenly when he paused what he was doing and looked up.
Oh no, does he know I’m here?
He looked in the direction I was in and quickly walked over. I back away and watched as he looked into the hall. I panicked; worried he knew I was here. I didn’t want him to know, I was afraid he’d hate me for following him home.
I didn’t want that.
He shook his head before returning to what he was doing; that was a close one, I have to be more careful from now on.
Calming down I stepped into the room again and decided to take a seat on the floor. The bed might show the depression of me siting if I sat there.
I looked up at Zak as I absentmindedly picked at the carpet beneath me. I examined everything about him; the tiredness in his eyes, the way he gracefully yet muscularly moved when he walked around his room putting things in their rightful place, and the way his body seemed to react to my presence even if he was unaware.
I knew this was something different on the way I evaluated him alone; I knew I had found something in death I didn’t get to experience in life; love.
I love the way he laughs, I love the way he smiles, I love the unnoticeable wrinkles beneath his eyes, I love his black hair, I love his muscular body, I love his approach on the paranormal, I loved the way he made me feel alive, I love the way he speaks to ghosts, I love how he seems more comfortable around spirits then humans, I love him.[AN: Yes this is everything (almost everything) I love about him. XD]
It’s just that simple; but it’s not. It was more complicated than any other relationship in the world. Why? Because he was alive and I was dead.
As harsh as it sounds it was truth, reality, fact, and as much as I’d like it to there was nothing to change that. I will forever be here with him, watching silently, admiring him from another dimension, and loving him in hopelessness.
I suppressed a sigh at my thoughts in fear he’d hear me.
He finished his unpacking and had collapsed onto his King sized bed with black bed sheets. He grabbed something and turned on a TV, I was shocked a moment when I saw the pictures in color? [AN: She died in the 50’s remember.]
Getting over my shock I got up and walked to the other side of the bed, where Zak lay, and sat on the floor beneath him.
I watched him lay there and my hand itched to reach up and touch him. I wanted to lie beside him and fall asleep again, to listen to his heart beat along with mine, and to feel our two warm bodies close to each other locked in a loving embrace; I wanted to be alive again.
I couldn’t do any of these things because I was dead. I couldn’t sleep, my heart doesn’t beat anymore, and I was cold since there was no blood flowing inside to warm me.
I had never had such depressing thoughts in my life after death until now; until Zak.
Love without pain isn’t love at all though.
If we didn’t experience pain we couldn’t truly experience love. Like how we wouldn’t feel true happiness without sadness, or we can’t truly be full until we had experienced hunger, and true rest until we had stayed up many sleepless nights until it hurt.
Everything worthwhile came with pain; sadly I didn’t realize that until after it was too late. If I had realized it in life I wouldn’t have killed myself; every cloud does have a silver lining and every night, its own dawn.
I wasn’t aware of how late it had gotten until Zak got up to change. I got up and looked out the window to see only darkness. I turned to see Zak in jogging pants and without a shirt. If there was blood in my body I would have blushed. I looked down feeling uncomfortable but my eyes pulled themselves back up to look at him.
He was turned away from me and I traced the back tattoo he had with my eyes, once he turned back around I traced every crease of his abs before finally shaking myself out of it. I stared at the white carpet beneath me before looking back up when he got into bed.
He turned the TV back off and I waited in the darkness until I heard his breath even. I walked to the bed and waited a few more seconds before slowly sliding into the bed next to his sleeping form. I paused when he stirred and continued once he calmed back down. I laid on my side and looked up at him.
He looked so peaceful; his mouth hung open slightly as soft breathing escaped, his lids shut the world off to him, and his chest moved up and down signaling he was still alive.
After a moment longer my small hand reached up and hovered over his face, his breath tickled my hand. After finally deciding he wasn’t going to wake up I slowly caressed his cheek. When he didn’t move my hand traced his body until I reached his arms and stopped. I traced his cross tattoo for the rest of the night.