Angel, Put Me Back Together Again

Angela's POV

I clutched the sheets closer to my body as I felt a tremor shake through me. I groaned and reached my hand behind me, fishing for his warm body. When I came up empty, I slowly opened my eyes, trying my best not to blind myself from the morning light streaming into the room. What time was it, anyway? I sat up and instantly regret my decision when my head began to pound furiously. Another hangover. These never get easier. After a moment I let my eyes open once more. As I glanced around the room, I almost jumped out of my skin. Zack was sitting in a chair next to the bed, just watching me sleep. I smiled at him, and watched as he gave me small smirk. I suddenly felt very self-conscious as parts of last night began to resurface. I was now aware of my naked body and pulled the covers closer around me. I cleared my throat and glanced at the sheets clutched in my hands, unable to make eye contact.

"How long have you been sitting there?"

"About half an hour."

"Oh... Why didn't you wake me?"

"You had a long night. I figured I'd let you sleep as long as you needed." I couldn't read his emotion right now and it was starting to make me uneasy. It seemed to be a mix of amusement, satisfaction, and something else. Concern? It’s like he knew something I didn’t. I felt my cheeks start to flush. Maybe he regrets last night. Maybe it wasn't that good. I thought it was the best I have had in a long time, but maybe it was only ok for him. The more I thought about it, the more I just wanted the bed to open up and swallow me. The outspoken, fierce woman last night was just a shy, confused little girl this morning. As I glanced at Zacky, though, I noticed he was still as calm and collected as ever. Even with his slight bed head, he was still oozing sex appeal. He was in sweat pants and nothing else as he leaned back in the chair, watching me with curiosity. I tried my best to smooth my hair down as I'm sure it was a fuzzy mess after last night. One more glance toward him, and I sighed with defeat. I couldn't sit in the silence any longer.

"Is something wrong?" My voice was a lot smaller than I intended.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean... you're just sitting there staring at me. It’s kind of making me unconfortable. Did I do something?"

"No. No, I'm sorry. I just didn't ... I'm sorry." He started to say something, but changed his mind. It didn't seem very convincing. I awkwardly made a spot for him, patting the bed next to me. It took a second, but he finally stood up from the chair and claimed the space on the bed I made for him. I was shaking slightly, but I tried to hide my nervousness from him as I slowly laid my head on his shoulder and let my legs tangle with his under the sheets. He put his arm around me as we leaned back against the headboard. I would have felt relieved but there was still tension in his body language. We sat in the awkward silence for a while, neither of us knowing what to say.

“Did you have fun last night?” He finally asked. I’m sure he could feel the heat on his shoulder that was radiating from my face.

“Yeah. You?”

“Yeah. It was great. You were great.” The way he said this made me light headed. I would do it all again right now if I knew why things were so damn awkward. I was never like this with Frank. I clung to him a little tighter, focusing all my energy on him rather than Frank.

“You were incredible…” I managed to reply with a shaky voice. He chuckled and adjusted himself so he could look at me. This was the last thing I wanted. I’m sure he could feel the heat coming off every inch of my body. I tried to look at anything but his face, but his hand under my chin forced me to stare at him. I focused on his fantastic hazel eyes and how they sparked in the morning light. I looked at his lip rings and how they rolled through his lip from him tonguing them from inside of his mouth. My own lips began to tingle as I thought about the cold metal against my skin, sending another tremor through my body. I swallowed hard and bit at the inside of my cheek as he inspected my face as well. After a moment, he answered my silent plea as I watched him slowly lean forward and press his lips gently to mine. I had to hold back the sigh of relief as he did so and soon found myself kissing him back. His hand slid off my face and down my body, gently over my breasts to my hips, pressing my naked body to his. I could feel him through his sweat pants, softly grinding against my bare skin and I couldn’t suppress the moan that escaped me. He detached his lips from mine and I began to kiss down his neck. I was so sure that I would be able to conjure up the power I had last night when Zack stopped me dead in my tracks.

“Who’s Frank?”

My lips froze near his collar bone, and I was unable to find my breath. I couldn’t move, couldn’t blink. There was no way I heard him right. As if he heard my thoughts, he said it again.

“Angela, who’s Frank?”

“What do you mean?” I asked just above a whisper, still unable to lift my face from his chest.

“Last night, after you fell asleep … you kept saying his name. Who is he?”

I felt my heart start to beat faster. I tried to swallow the bile that was starting to rise up, but couldn't muster the strength to do it. I tried not to let him feel me flinch when he placed his hand under my chin and made me look at him. My mouth was slightly parted, trying to come up with an answer. He didn't look mad, just perplexed as he searched my eyes for something.

“Look, if it’s a boyfriend, you should probably tell me now. I won’t say anything, I promise.”

“No, he’s not.” I spat out. He cocked an eyebrow at me.

“An ex? What? Just tell me. Please, I don’t care; just let me know now so… so I don’t get any more attached.”

For the first time since I met him, he looked something other than calm and collected. He almost seemed nervous. You couldn’t really tell by his face, but his body language gave it away. Attached? To me? Well, shit, if this could get any worse …

“It’s complicated.”

“Tell me. Please, Angel. I need to know I didn’t just ruin something.”

“Oh God …” I sighed out and slummed back into his arms once more. I wish he wouldn’t call me that, but then again, how would he know not to call me that. He barely knows anything about me or my life back in Jersey. I took a couple of minutes to collect my thoughts before I launched into my story. From the beginning, at least what I could remember. I told him about my shitty home and how I was put in a private school. I told him about the first time I met Frank and how persistent he was on helping me. I told him about all the guys and the relationship I shared with all of them. I spared no expense, even the embarrassing details. I told him about Gerard and I and how Frank changed who I was. It was the first time I admitted out loud that I didn’t know who I was anymore.

Zack sat with a straight face through the whole story, occasionally nodding and agreeing with me. I knew my face was as red as a tomato as I rambled about my life story. I’m not sure how long it took, but by the time I was done, I realized I had tears rolling down my cheeks, and Zack was quick to wipe them away. This only made me more embarrassed. Why was I crying? Was it about Frank? Was it because Zack was sure to never want to see me again? Or was it because I had never really sat back and looked at my own situation until now? I waited for the inevitable as Zack sat up to look at me. I watched in confusion as he gave me a lopsided smirk. I sniffled and looked down at my hands.

“What? Am I that pathetic?”

“No … not at all. I’m just glad I know now. Why didn’t you ever tell me any of this?”

“I don’t know … I just wanted to keep it back in Jersey. I tried my hardest to leave my old life back there and start over here. Somewhere where nobody knew who I was or the shit I had been through. This was my chance to start over. I’ve never had this chance before. I just wanted to forget all of it.

“Do you really want that though?”

“What?” I gave him a very serious look. His question caught me off guard.

“It’s ok to admit you’re upset and angry at what happened to you, but I honestly don’t believe you want to forget all of it.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Maybe I don’t, but I see the look in your eyes when you talk about Jersey and your friends. I hear the change in your voice. You go somewhere else, even if it’s just for a second. You may be angry at them, but you don’t want to forget them.”

“Oh, so now you’re an expert on me?”

“No, but I seem to understand as much about you as you do yourself. You’re the one who said you don’t even know who you are anymore.”

“That’s not fair.” I pulled the blankets closer around me as I cringed at his words. I know he’s right, but I can’t deny the fact that I’m a little sensitive about the whole thing. This is the first time since I left Jersey that I actually gave it any thought. I didn’t think it would hurt so bad. I watched as he stood up from the bed and stretched. I didn’t blink as I watched him walk across the room and pick up a pile of clothes that appeared to be mine. He tossed them on the bed at me before pulling on his own shirt.

“Meet me downstairs. I have a surprise for you.”

I didn’t move from my spot. He didn’t look angry, surprisingly. This just made me more flustered. He ran a hand through his messy hair once more before opening his door.

“Clothes are mandatory. My brother’s home.” He winked at me before walking out the door and shutting it behind him. I looked at my wrinkled dress and matching underwear and shuddered. He was so confusing, even kind of infuriating, but the second I thought back to last night, my stomach did delicious flips. I guess I should prepare myself for his next surprise.