Angel, Put Me Back Together Again

Frank's POV

California is surprisingly chilly at night, especially this time of year. Surprisingly still humid. I wouldn't know though. I continued to walk aimlessly in the dark, letting my subconscious lead the way. I kept my eyes on the ground, avoiding any eye contact as I went, occasionally bumping into people. Occasionally saying sorry. My hands were shoved deep in my pockets. Tight fists only getting tighter. My lips were still burning and tingling with the last bit of toxins that was mine and Angela's relationship. Or what was left of it. The thought of her took my mind off the uncomfortable numbness of my lips and focused on the burning yet, at the same time, freezing sensation in my chest. Like so cold you start to feel hot. I'd rather focus on my mouth. That hurt less.

I thought I felt empty the day I drove away from her so many months ago. I thought that all that emptiness and loneliness would pay off in the end. That wasn't emptiness. Somewhere in my mind, I knew she still had a hold on me. I had hope. Hope is the reason I did all the things I did. The hope that I would win her back, and we would be happy again, and we would forget about everything from the past and have nothing but the future to look forward to.

That was a crock of shit. This is what emptiness feels like. I thought about laughing at myself. Did I think this was a movie? That I would show up in Cali like her tattooed knight in shining armor? That she had been gazing out of her balcony every night, waiting for me to show up?

Nope.

I couldn't be her Romeo and she's no fucking Juliet.

My subconscious must have been paying attention on the car ride to the restaurant. I found myself standing in front of the hotel that I had checked into just earlier that night. I nodded at the person behind the desk as I walked over to the elevator. Someone different from the girl that checked me in earlier. I ran my hands through my hair over and over as the elevator took me to my floor. I kept clearing my throat, scratching my neck, anything to keep myself busy. My mind felt like it was running a marathon, but it seemed to only circle the same thought.
Angela.
Angela.
Angela.
I cleared my throat.

My emotions had gone into complete overdrive back at the restaurant and now I found myself void of any feeling. As I stepped off the elevator, it almost seemed like someone else was controlling me. Making me walk. Breathe. Clear my throat. Slid the key into the door. Step into an empty room. Do what I did next.

The main room with the beds was dark and quite. I saw light coming from underneath the bathroom door, slicing across the carpet, a slight mist mingling with the yellow light. I heard singing behind the door and a steady stream of water. I walked up to the door and opened it without saying anything. Christine didn't notice me as she continued to sing along to the music coming from her phone. I closed the door behind me causing her to go from singing to screaming in one quick motion. She ripped back the curtain, shielding herself, her razor at the ready. She let out a shaky sigh when her eyes fell on me.

"What the fuck, Frank? You couldn't text me? I didn't know you were coming back. You scared the fuck out of me... Frank?" She quit her rambling the longer she looked at me. I ran my hands through my hair and took in a long, deep breath. I tried to open my mouth to explain, but nothing came out. I quickly closed it and cleared my throat. "Frank? Are you ok?" She tried again. I dared to look at her and I felt my stomach twist in knots. Angela was still so fresh in my mind that I couldn’t understand the feeling that just came over me. Relief. I didn't realize how relieved I was to be able to come back to her instead of an empty room. After the exchange at the restaurant, all I wanted to do was get away, or so I thought. I couldn’t help my eyes wander to the not quite clear, not quite white shower curtain that made Christine’s body all but blurry to me. I swallowed the lump in my throat and met her eyes once more. Her hair still had remnants of shampoo and was dripping onto the floor the longer she hung her head out of the shower. She chose to ignore my wandering eyes and became more concerned the longer I didn't answer, quickly pulling the curtain back closed. "I'm coming out. Give me a second." I watched her blurry outline rinsing her hair, hurrying to get out and tend to me. I ran my hand through my hair once more, now damp with the mist from the hot shower, and finally sputtered something intelligible out.

"No." It was the first thing I had said in over an hour. Or two. I wasn't sure how long it had been.

"What?" She said as I heard her spit out some water that got in her mouth. I wasn’t sure what I wanted in this moment, but I knew what I my body was doing. I rolled my lip ring while I attempted to keep up with myself. It almost felt like I was on auto pilot. Maybe I should feel bad. I don’t know what I should be feeling right now. To be honest, I didn’t feel anything. I need to feel something.

"What?" She asked a little louder when I didn’t respond the first time. I ignored her as I unzipped my jacket and let it fall to the floor. Next my shirt. When I started to step out of my pants and boxers, she pulled back the curtain, rubbing her eyes free of soap. She gasped when she opened them and saw me standing right in front of her, completely naked, my hand on the other side of the curtain from hers. "Frank?" Her face seemed to get a little redder, and not just from the water. Autopilot was still engaged when I pulled the curtain back enough for me to step in. She instinctively turned her back to me, covering up what she could. “Frank, seriously. What the fuck?” She did her best to sound angry, but her voice was shaky. That hot and cold feeling again. She wouldn’t look at me and made no attempt to kick me out. I took this as a good sign.

I felt the water hitting my back as I stepped in but couldn't feel the heat. I reached down and turned up the hot water and heard her gasp as the temperature rose. I turned back to her, placing my hands on her shoulders and pulling her to me so her back was pressed against my chest. I leaned down and began to trail kisses from behind her ear, down her shoulder. I felt the goose bumps rise up on her skin as my lips grazed her.

"Frank? What... oh." She moaned as I began to bite along where I had just kissed her. I felt her muscles relax and she let her arms fall from protecting herself, my hands sliding up to replace where hers just were. I felt one of her hands snake up to my hair while the other reached back between us and grabbed me firmly. I groaned as she hesitantly began working her hand on me before getting more comfortable. Our breathing was becoming much more labored and in time as the scalding water beat down on us. I felt a rush of adrenaline run through me as I grabbed a fist full of her hair and pressed her down so she was bent over in front of me. I took one look at her as she arched her back and I couldn't control myself anymore. I thrust myself into her, both of us groaning at the same time as I wasted no time going to work. She gripped the edge of the tub, panting my name when I didn't slow down. I knew I was getting close and quickly pulled out, watching her groan in frustration. I pulled her back up to me and latched my mouth on to her neck once more, this time digging my teeth in. She cried out, holding onto my sides to stop herself from collapsing. She pulled away and turned around to face me, and I greedily went back to work on anything I could get my hands on. She reached behind me and turned the water off causing me to pause for a moment to look at her.

“Not in here.” She managed to pant as she ripped back the curtain. I didn’t bother with a towel for either of us as I picked her up and carried her to the bedroom. We fell onto one of the beds still soaking wet. I was almost not able to control myself as I watched her climb on top of me and take control of the situation. She didn’t waste any time, being almost as greedy as me, while she was grinding on top of me, obviously not caring if the neighbors heard. I didn’t really care either. We went back and forth, fighting for dominance, finally getting out the feelings we had been suppressing since the moment we met. The longer I looked at Christine, watching as her face tensed and relaxed, moaning and sighing out my name, the more I felt myself letting go. With every thrust, every groan, every nail that dug into my back, I could feel the last bits and pieces of Angela being stripped away. The longer I looked at her, the more I needed her. Christine was good for me. She shaped me into a better person, helping me transition out of the destructive life that I once led. And somewhere along the way, I knew I had fallen for her. Not until the moment I saw her standing in the shower, looking at me with the same concern she always had for me, did I know that this is where I was supposed to be. The relationship with Angela had ended a long time ago. The moment I cheated on her, I knew somewhere in the back of my mind that it was never going to be the same between us.

This is a chance for me to redeem myself. This is my fresh start. Christine is my fresh start.