Angel, Put Me Back Together Again

Some days I found myself looking at him and still not believing he's mine. That this man cared for me as much as I did for him. I would sit on the couch and watch as he bounced around the garage, kicking and screaming into the microphone. Surprisingly, this was nothing out of the norm for Frank. He and his band would practice while I sat on the couch and listened, sometimes sketching in my notepad. I loved spending my weekends in that garage and hanging out with the guys. They could be quite a handful, but I wouldn't trade them for anything.

Every other weekend we would go up to see his mom. Despite the divorce, she seemed happy with the new guy she was with. I was intimidated by her at first. It took some getting used to, but I think she likes the idea of me now. Most days were spent at his dad’s house. I viewed his father as if he were my own. He had a way of treating me like his own child as well.

I never thought I would see these days come to an end, but I knew it was for something greater than I could imagine at this point in time. Currently, Frank and I lay in his bed, just staring at each other. There wasn’t much to say right now. He gave me his sideways smirk and reached a hand up to brush my cheek. I let my eyes flutter close as his skin grazed mine.

“Christine…” My name slid off his tongue and I shivered. I think he will always have this effect on me. When I opened my eyes again, I couldn’t help but smile back sadly. I was proud of him and what he was doing, but it didn’t ease the pain of him leaving. He frowned as he leaned forward, planting his lips against my forehead.

“I’m going to miss this…” I breathed out, relishing the feeling of his hand against my skin. I didn’t want to open my eyes for the same reason I didn’t want to take them off him. Eventually I would have to watch him walk out this door for who knows how long.

“You’re more than welcome to come with me. They guys would love to have you around. I mean, if you don’t mind living with five guys in a cramped van for a few months.”

“It’s tempting, really,” I chuckled as I brought his hands to my lips, kissing each knuckle, “but I have to stay. I’ll come to your shows when I can. We can skype and message each other every day.”

“I guess… I’m going to miss you, you know?”

“I’m going to miss you, too.” I smiled the best I could and curled up into his chest. He was going to have to leave soon to meet up with the guys, and I wasn’t about to waste any more time with him. “So, you’re sure you have everything packed?”

“Positive.”

“Good, cause I’m not about to drive God knows where because you forgot something like your phone charger or toothbrush or something.” I felt him tense up next to me. I furrowed my eyebrows, tilting my head up to see what was wrong. He gave me a sheepish look and his goofy grin. “Frank …”

“Be right back.” He jumped up from the bed and ran out of the room down the hall. Looks like someone did forget their toothbrush. I sighed and rolled my eyes at him as I turned on my back to stare up at the ceiling. I couldn’t believe they were heading out on their first real tour. They weren’t headlining, but it was a start. No more small, dank shows in Jersey and New York. This was the real deal. I truly was proud of him. Of all of them. They’ve worked their asses off for years to come this far. I knew it was just a matter of time after this tour that they would be headlining their own. I had no doubt of that in my mind. I guess I would call this tour a trial run. I know that if the band does get noticed, that just means more shows, more tours, and more time away from Frank. From here on out, I know it’s going to be a challenge for the two of us. I just hope that we are both prepared for it. I heard the door creak and looked up to see Frank standing in the door way. I started to make a smart ass comment about ‘I told you so’ when I saw that he was on the phone. I knew who it was without him saying anything. I bit at the inside of my cheek to stop from crying. I knew this was coming. I just wish it could have waited five more minutes.

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m leaving now, Gee. I’ll be there in ten. Later” He hung up the phone and gave me a weak smile. “Well…”

“I know.” I whispered, not trusting my own voice to stay steady. I sat up on the bed as he crossed the room to me. I stood and immediately wrapped my arms around his neck, taking deep breaths into the crook of his neck. I wouldn’t cry. I wouldn’t be so selfish. I want him to have this. He gripped me around my waist and sighed into my hair.

“I’ll message you before and after every show. I’ll try to send you pictures of all the cities and cool stuff.”’

“Ok.” My voice finally cracked and I cursed to myself. As he pulled away from me, I felt a tear cascade down my cheek. I groaned and quickly wiped it away. “I really am happy for you.”

“I lo– … I’m going to miss you so fucking much.” His cheeks filled with a slight shade of red as he looked to the ground. I cleared my throat and pushed his face up to meet mine in one more kiss. I lingered for as long as I could, but I knew I couldn’t hinder him anymore. I stepped away from his embrace, reluctantly and wrapped my arms around myself.

“You should probably get going.”

“Right.” He shook his head as he picked the last of his bags up off the ground. The rest were already in his car. He hesitated like he was going to come in for another kiss but stopped himself. He tried to smile, but it just turned into a look of sympathy before he uttered his last word to me before walking away. “Bye.”

“Bye.” I was barely audible as he walked out of the room. I heard his car come to life, and I started to walk to the window to see him off. Instead I bit hard at my lip and sent a few more tears down my cheek. Despite it all, I found it in myself to smile. “You made it.”

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I bit nervously at my lip as the large house nestled next to the ocean came into view. I hadn’t told Zack I was coming home. I wasn’t gone more than a few days, and I was supposed to invite him down at some point, so I figured this would be just another surprise. I thought I missed my home back in Jersey, but I was wrong. It didn’t feel like home anymore. It didn’t feel the same to me, and the past only came back to remind me why I left in the first place. Well, my past, and apparently Frank’s future. I don’t know why I stuck to this notion that he would wait for me. Why did I think that? I couldn’t give him the same decency, so I shouldn’t have been so surprised to find that he had moved on and was happy. At least that’s what she claimed. Whether it was true or not, in that moment I realized it didn’t matter anymore. Leaving Zack was a mistake. I can’t lie to myself. I knew there was a chance that Frank would be there for me and I’m not sure if I wouldn’t have taken him up on the offer. The error of my ways is more than clear to me now. This is where I belong now. Not Jersey.

My stomach came alive with butterflies as the houses’ welcoming vastness reminded me this is where I’m supposed to be. When the cab pulled up in front of the house, I couldn’t help but let out a sigh of relief. I paid my cab fare and began lugging my bags up to the front door. I closed my eyes as my hand laid on the door handle. Taking in a deep breath, I inhaled the salty air and smiled. I took one last moment before pushing open the front door. My eyes immediately met with Zack who was making his way down the stair case. He froze and stared at me, unsure of what he was actually seeing. In a moment, he came rushing down the stairs, picking me up in his arms and swinging me around, causing me to gasp with delightful surprise. His lips quickly attacked mine and I welcomed him readily. When he finally pulled away from me, I found myself gasping for air.

“What’re you doing home?” He had sat my feet back on the ground but still had ahold of me. The way he said ‘home’ just confirmed my feelings on the car ride that much more.

“I made a mistake. There’s nothing back in Jersey … nothing worth coming home to, anyway.” I looked down at my feet. I could tell without looking at him that his smile fell. His arms tensed around me.

“Frank.” He didn’t ask, rather told me. The sound of his name made me shutter. I didn’t want to talk about it.

“Sort of. Just … a lot of bad memories. I didn’t talk to him if that’s what you’re worried about, though. Trust me.” I could see that he was uncomfortable at the mention of him. Just about as much as I was. I had left there to get away from him, so I wasn’t about to bring him up here. I smiled up at Zack before laying my head on his shoulders. “It doesn’t matter anymore. You’re here and I’m here and that’s all I care about.” After a moment, I felt his shoulders relax as he hugged me once more.

“Well I’m glad you’re back. I was afraid you would … When I hadn’t heard from you yet, I got worried.” He trailed off and I frowned. The way he brought up Frank made it pretty easy for me to put two and two together. He was worried I was going to change my mind. That I would stay back in Jersey. The thought of not coming home to him, to this, made my chest hurt. I tilted my head up to the crook of his neck and began running my lips over his skin as I spoke.

“If there was ever a time that I wasn’t sure of this – of us – after what happened back in Jersey and how I felt seeing you walking through that front door, I know that there is nowhere else I would rather be right now.” I felt his hand under my chin, pulling my face away from his neck so he could see me. His face softened as he placed his other hand on the side of my face.

“Well that’s good ‘cause there’s no one I’d rather be with than you any day.”

“That’s good to know.” I couldn’t stop the grin that spread across my face as, once more, I felt his lips mold against mine, making me melt under his touch. And in this moment, for the first time in a long time, I was truly happy.