I Need Him, My Gerard

“Hello Frank.” My world shook, and I think my heart stopped for a second.

“Dad?” I asked shakily.

“Yes.”

“Where a-are you?” I asked, trying not to shake too much, I didn’t want him to know I was weak.

“Well, I’m on my way home dear,” he said in sickly sweet voice.

“I thought you were in, that you were, you know…” I trailed off.

“That I was shoved in PRISON?” He said, quiet at first and then shouting down the phone.

“Yeah,” I said shakily, almost crying.

“They realised their mistake and let me out. I didn’t do anything wrong. I was only disciplining my child.”

“How? I wasn’t doing anything wrong” I said, gritting my teeth.

“Yes you were. I don’t want to get into this with you. I’ll deal with you when I get home.” I slammed the phone down, my heart beating fast. I couldn’t just run away, because I don’t know if he’d hurt mum.
I don’t want to call Gerard, he’s protected us enough. I definitely can’t protect mum and myself. Should I call the police? I feel so alone. Gerard will probably be in bed by now. I need to talk to my mum. I locked the doors and windows and turned off all the lights. I went into my mum’s room and sat by her bed. Should I wake her? Or would it be best if I just left? I’m the problem in their relationship; if I was gone could they just be happy together? That’ll be best for everyone. I took a pen and notebook, and hurriedly wrote out a note.

“Mum. This is so hard to write. I love you, but dad is coming. It’s unfair for me to stay here when I know you and dad can be happy together. When I’ve sorted myself out, I’ll contact you. I love you so much, and I’ll miss you. Don’t worry about me, I can sort myself out. I love you mum, but you and dad can be happy without me. Please don’t show dad this letter; I want nothing to do with him. If you need me, there is one person you know you can contact me through. Forever your son;
Love you,
Frankie xxx
I hope I haven’t hurt her. I hope I made the right decision, and that she can be happy. I shoved my stuff into big bags, and dragged them into the hall. I picked up the phone and dialed the one number I knew off by heart. The shrill tone rang, and I held my breath.

“Hello? Do you know what time it is?” A grumpy and sleepy Gerard hissed down the phone.

“Gerard? I’m sorry it’s Frank.”

“What do you want, are you OK?” He wasn’t grumpy or sleepy sounding anymore, he’s just worried all of a sudden.

“My dad got out of prison.”

“Oh, Frankie, do you want me to come over,” he said. I could hear him fumbling for clothes on the floor.

“No, don’t worry. I’m leaving home. It’s best that way, my mum and dad can be happy if I’m not there, my dad won’t beat my mum.”

“Are you sure?” He asked, sounding worried.

“Of course. I just don’t have anywhere to crash right now.”

“Do you remember the new years eve party we went to?”

“Yeah.”

“Go to that house. Do you remember where it is?”

“Yeah. Gerard, who lives there?”

“Ray. If you turn up at his house he’ll let you stay. He let me stay often enough, without asking.”

“Alright. I’ll call you in the morning ok?”

“OK Frankie, I love you.”

“I love you too Gee.” He blew a kiss down the phone and hung up. I left the house, turning to look at it just once more. I felt a tear prick my eye, and brushed it away. I traipsed to Ray’s house. I knocked on the door and held my breath. I was pretty certain I would be told to get lost.

“Frank?” Ray was standing there, his eyes half closed.

“Hi Ray,” I said guiltily, scuffing my feet on the porch.

“What do you want?” he asked me sleepily.

“I left home, do you mind if I stay here for a while?”

“OK, sure dude, come in.” just like that. I lugged my stuff into his house. he led me into the sitting room, where I had crashed on the couch once before, that time with Gerard on me. Five minutes later I was lying in a warm duvet on the sofa, holding a mug of coffee. Ray sat by me, waiting for me to tell him what happened.

“You want to know what happened to me, don’t you.” I said, looking at him with a sideways glance.

“Only if you want to tell me.” He was so supportive.

“My dad got out of prison and was coming back. He won’t hurt my mum, and they can be happy without me.”

“OK. You can stay here as long as you want, seeing as you’re like, homeless now.”

“Thanks Ray,” I whispered, giving him a brave smile. He came over to me and wrapped his arms around me, letting me bury my head into his shoulder. It was so comforting, but I know I need Gerard before I can really feel better.

“No problem dude,” he said, ruffling my hair.

“You can go to bed if you want, I’ll be fine.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. Can I use your phone for a second?”

“Sure, I’ll see you in the morning, yell if you need anything.”

“Thanks, goodnight.”
I watched him go up the stairs and picked up the phone. I dialed home, withholding the number. I know it’s stupid, but I had to see. The ringing tone began and I held my breath.

“Hello?” My dad’s voice. He sounded happy, good. I strained to hear background noise, but it was silent.
I hung up the phone and sighed. I was right, they were happy. I didn’t want my dad to be happy, but I did want to make my mum happy. I went back to the sofa, and closed my eyes.

“Frankie, wake up,” a voice whispered in my ear. I slowly opened my eyes, squinting in the bright light.

“Gerard?” I said, not sure I believed it was really him.

“Yes Frankie,” he said, kissing me softly. I woke up properly and sat upright.

“What are you doing here?” I asked him, holding him close.

“I came to see you,” he said, puzzled by my questions.
“Don’t you want me here?” he said.

“Of course I do, I’m just surprised. What time is it?”

“Erm, about one ‘o’ clock,” said Ray, laughing and throwing a bag of crisps at me.

“OK, so I overslept, give me a break I had a long night,” I said, scowling at him in a playful way.

“Aww, he’s only Joking Frankie,” laughed Gerard, kissing me on the cheek. There was a knock at the door. Ray went out to get it, and I kissed Gerard’s cheek, snuggling into him, breathing in his scent.

“Hey Frankie,” I was suddenly bundled on by a skinny thing.

“Mikey, you’re crushing my baby,” shouted Gerard.

“No I’m not, he loves me,” Mikey giggled.

“Mikey, DO NOT try to steal my boyfriend,” Gerard said, in mock anger.

“But he loves me more than you Gerard, I’m sorry, but we’re together.” He stroked my cheek.

“Hey guys, don’t fight over me,” I said, pushing Mikey off me.

“Come on Frankie, make your choice, me or Mikey,” Gerard said, putting his hands on my hips.

“Alright. I’m sorry Mikey, but I’m going to have to go with Gerard.”
Mikey pouted. Gerard smiled and kissed me.

“So Frankie, how about you move in with me.”