Wake up Under the Sun

“Don’t fall asleep.”

I groaned, struggling to open my eyes. We had been awake for nearly 24 hours. We were both drunk. I was exhausted and not completely sure how he wasn’t passed out yet.

“Why?” I asked.

He kissed my eyelids. “I feel like I never see you anymore.”

I giggled, “You can see me when I’m sleeping.”

John sighed heavily, definitely not approving of what I had said. I opened my heavy eyes and looked at him. His hair was a mess, his tired eyes matched mine, and he had his infamous crooked grin sitting pretty on his lips.

His fingers ghosted against the skin of my hips, spiraling up my spine from under the thin tank top I had on. He moved closer to me, his hips now flush against mine. His bare torso pressed against mine so suddenly I couldn’t help but give in. Now on my back, his lips at my neck, I closed my eyes again and bit my lip hard to keep from moaning.

It was time like these when I realized just how lucky I truly am to have someone like him in my life. His fans could say as much as they wanted about me but at the end of the day, he was all mine and I was his.

My toes curled as I grabbed a fistful of sheet. “You drive me mad,” I grumbled in his ear. He stopped biting the spot under my ear and laughed.

“I just want you to be happy, baby,” he softly crooned and I swear I felt my heart leap as my bra unclasped.

“W-we can’t do this,” I stuttered and watched as he pulled the straps down my arms and tugged the bra away from my body. “Everyone’s sleeping.”

He didn’t seem to care, I realized, as his lips moved to my collarbones. There was no stopping him now. He pushed my shirt up, the cold air causing chills to rise on my skin.

“I love you,” he whispered. I squirmed when his fingers dipped to the waistband of my shorts. I locked my arms around his neck, holding him close. He buried his face in my neck and I breathed in the scent of his shampoo. I whimpered when his hand slowly slid under the elastic.

My heart was exploding, I could hardly catch my breath, and feeling his grin against my skin made everything so much more pleasurable. When my body tensed, John lifted his head from my neck and his lips connected with mine, kissing me hard to keep me quiet. He didn’t remove his lips from mine until we heard someone stumble from their bunk, grumbling sleepily about “hating having to piss in the middle of the night.”

When he pulled away and looked down at me, I laughed softly and grabbed his cheeks, pulling his lips back to mine.

I woke up around 1 in the afternoon, alone. It was unusual for John to be awake before me but then I heard his voice, along with the voices of Pat and Garrett, from the front lounge. I covered my face with my hands and inhaled deeply, then ran my hands through my hair. I pulled my bra on before slipping out of our bunk quietly, stealing a glance at the front lounge. John’s eyes met mine and he winked, unbeknownst to the interviewers, and I smiled, a blush creeping onto my cheeks.

Changing quickly in the bathroom, I tied my hair up into a bun and then went to the back lounge to gather my school things. Jared and Kennedy were working on guitar sounds, oblivious to my appearance. I hesitated in the bunk hall after stepping into my shoes and placing my books and laptop into my backpack. It didn’t sound like the interview would be ending any time soon and I really needed to finish two essays – and get some coffee into my system as soon as possible.

When the interviewers shuffled papers, I took that as my cue to make my way off the bus. But as I approached, the look on John’s face told me this wasn’t going to be as easy as I hoped.

“Is this Delaney?”

I turned to the girl who had spoken and John’s fingers circled around my wrist. He tugged me just hard enough to knock off my balance.

“That’s me,” I said, now seated in John’s lap. There were two girls staring at me and I stared back. They were probably a couple of years younger, both absolutely gorgeous and so well put together. The blonde smiled when John rested his chin on my shoulder and locked his arms around my waist, while the brunette pursed her lips.

“We were talking about you earlier,” the blonde commented, and from her voice I realized she had been the one to catch my attention.

“Yeah?” I questioned, intrigued, and looked at John. He grinned up at me.

“Just how awesome it is that you’re doing your school stuff while on the road, and how brave you are,” she clued me in. “I read your blog all the time.”

I kindly thanked her. A lot of the Maine’s fans read my blog but it was uncommon to hear them acknowledge it in a positive way. Most of the time the girls read it just for inside scoops on the boys or to fawn over the pictures I post of us goofing around at lunch and after the shows, when we have nothing to do but entertain each other on the bus.

“Speaking of school,” I said, pointedly looking at John now. His emerald eyes met mine. “I have to go, Starbucks is calling my name.”

“There’s actually one right across the street,” the blonde informed me.

I nodded as I tried to wrench myself from John. I sighed loudly when he wouldn’t let go. He laughed. “All she does is schoolwork.”

“Someone has to get an education,” I quipped, finally freeing myself. “We can’t all be rockstars.”

John laughed again when Garrett let out a low “ooooh” and Pat stared at me in shock. “I’ll come distract you when we’re done,” he said as I started to walk away. I paused before taking the few steps off the bus and grinned. He grinned back.

I sat in Starbucks for hours. I had finished both essays and had gotten a jumpstart on my next assignments, nearly completing those as well. Sitting with my elbows on the table and my head perched in my hands, I watched as John made his way out of the venue and stretched his arms over his head, his shirt rising up and showing off his belly. Biting my lip, I watched carefully as a few girls cautiously approached him.

He let out a laugh at something one of them had said. They talked for a while, one by one taking pictures with him. After they had gotten their picture, the girls often times hurried back to their spot in line on the other side of the building. It was when only a few girls were left that I saw his face fall, something that I hadn’t seen happen before. I perked up.

He shook his head, body stiff, and held his hand up to the girl as if telling her “no.” Scratching his head, he quickly walked away, glanced up and down the street before crossing, and made his way into the coffee shop. My eyes landed on his as he walked deliberately toward me – he looked troubled, unsettled – and as he sat down next to me, I looked over at the girls again. They looked smug.

“Wh-what was that?” I asked, unsure, and looked at him. He closed his eyes, exhaled through his nose and shook his head.

“Nothing. Don’t worry about it.” He kissed my temple. “Did you finish your assignments?”

“It was about me, wasn’t it?” I dared to ask. When he didn’t look at me this time, I sighed. “What did they say now?”

John looked at me incredulously. “What do you mean, now?”

“Maybe this is the first time they’ve said it to your face, John, but I hear things every night,” I calmly said. Then it hit me. “That really was the first time they’ve said something straight to you, wasn’t it?”

“I- I thought, you know, maybe it was just..” His voice trailed off and I could see just how much this troubled him. “I never thought my fans could be like that, you know? You aren’t in the band; you shouldn’t have to be subjected to them. And- And I give them as much of myself as I can. But it’s not enough. It’s like-”

“Like you aren’t supposed to be happy,” I finished for him.

We stared at each other for a moment, letting those words settle between us. We knew it wasn’t fair that his fans were giving this ultimatum, but there was nothing we could do about it. Either we were together and the fans were going to make us miserable, or we were broken up and they were happy and tolerant again. There would never be a happy medium.

“I don’t mean to interrupt,” a small voice said, causing both of us to look at the end of our table. A petite girl was standing there, her hair tied back, out of her face. I smiled slightly at the Maine shirt she had on. John’s hand found my knee and I placed my own hand on top of his. “I think it’s wrong how those girls are treating you two.”

“Thank you,” John said kindly.

But the girl shook her head sternly. “I’m not lying or trying to be in good graces or be remembered. I’ve been a fan since you practically started and, well, not to sound creepy but I know you’ve been there all along, Delaney. Some girls would have left or given up. I think you’re courageous and smart. And you two together make a beautiful couple. I don’t want, you know, for you two to lose sight of that just because some girls are jealous.”

I smiled, biting my lip. John turned his hand so our palms were touching and his fingers laced with mine. “Do you want to sit?” he asked the girl.

While John and Jennifer, as we had learned her name, talked, I finished a few more assignments. His hand never left mine, and every time Jennifer would say something sweet about us, he squeezed my hand tightly.

John ended up inviting her to stand backstage that night, her friends included. I even gave up my nightly ritual of sitting with Vito so I could be with those girls, the only fans so far that gave me the benefit of the doubt. After the show I stood outside with them and we talked, exchanged a few social networking usernames and then the boys came outside.

Jennifer hesitated before following her friends over to Jared. “Just remember to stay strong, okay?”

I smiled. “Thank you.”

She smiled, too, and wrapped her arms around me in an unexpected hug before she darted over to her group of friends.

It was a little weird at first, to think that I could be friends with someone that much younger. It felt unnatural to be friends with someone that idolized my boyfriend and his band and his best friends. But the more it sank it, as the day had worn on, I realized it was okay to open up and let others in. You didn’t get to choose who you fall in love with, so why would it be any different when it comes to your friends?

But after that night, the days got longer and more stressful. My assignments grew harder and more draining, the essays were longer and more demanding than ever before. The boys were doing multiple interviews a day, photoshoots every other day. Everyone was growing tired and the simplest of things began to irk us.

“Seriously?” I heard as I picked up a textbook. My eyes met Garrett’s. “All you do is study.”

I hesitated on opening the book, holding it close. I couldn’t tell if he was joking or if it seriously got under his skin. “Pardon me?” I said, unsure.

He shook his head, walking past. “You should spend some time with your friends, Lane, instead of keeping your nose in your books.”

I opened my mouth to say something back but then I saw John, sitting on the couch, watching me. I glanced at Kennedy, who had been looking at me too but cast his gaze downward after I looked at him, then back at John.

“I mean, it is a day off, Lane,” he said. “And you’ve been writing essays all week. You’re so wrapped up in this school thing.”

“School thing?” I asked, baffled.

“You need to relax,” John said, rolling his eyes slightly.

My jaw fell slack as I stared in disbelief at him. Jared walked onto the bus and looked around, wondering why everyone was so quiet and why John and I were staring at each other the way that we were.

“What just happened?”

I clutched the book to my chest and brushed by him. I had no idea where a Starbucks was in this town but I wasn’t going to let that stop me.

Of all the people to get upset over me studying all the time, I never would have pegged Garrett to be the one. And I never, ever would have thought John would get on my case about being so focused on schoolwork.

“Lane,” I heard from behind me. I stopped at the corner, waiting for the pedestrian light to change so I could cross the street.

“If you had such a big problem with me studying while on tour with you guys, you should have said something,” I told him without looking at him. “Because I wouldn’t have fucking come. Do you have any idea how much I’m missing out on by doing this on my own?”

John sighed heavily, annoyed, and followed me across the street. For the first time in a long time he ignored when the girls started to call his name. “I’m just saying there’s more to life than studying.”

“Like what?” I nearly yelled. “I’m not in a band, John. I don’t get to do what I love every single day. I have to work hard for my future. It’s not just going to be handed to me like it was for you.”

“You think this was handed to me?” he seethed.

I rolled my eyes now, too. “What did you have to do? Try out for Garrett and Pat by singing a Tom Petty song? Wow, John. That’s just so hard, I don’t know how you ever managed to do that!”

He paused in the middle of the sidewalk, taking in what I had just said. I had never talked bad about him or his band before, it had to have been a shock to him. I held my head high, however, especially when he came rushing back to my side.

“That’s a low fucking blow, Delaney,” he said. “You know how hard we had to work to get here.”

“Yeah, and you know what?” I asked, stopping and turning to look up at him. He stopped, too. “Not once did I ever tell you to stop doing what you were doing so we could hang out. I didn’t complain that you put band practices before me. And you know what else? I still don’t complain. I let your fans take first place. I try my hardest to ignore the things they say and I think I do a damn good job at hiding the fact that it kills me inside when you refuse to stand up for me when they talk shit.”

“Laney-”

“No!” I yelled. “There’s nothing else to say. So if you don’t mind, I’m going to go shove my nose into this book and I’m going to pass this midterm with flying fucking colors!”

I took one last glance at him before I continued on my way. He looked shocked, the hurt was evident in his eyes. But he didn’t see it in mine. He never saw it. And I was tired of waiting.