Wake up Under the Sun

I felt my bed dip and I stirred slightly, squeezing my eyes shut even tighter. I could feel the sunlight burning onto my skin already. After a few seconds without another movement, I relaxed and started to fall back into a light slumber.

“Kennedy Brock?” I heard Lex question. I groaned. “You replaced me with Kennedy Brock?”

“Shut up,” Kennedy grumbled. I opened my eyes in time to see him blindly reach out to shoo her away.

She slapped his hand then crossed her arms over her chest, disgruntled. Grinning, I wrapped my arms around Kenny’s neck and pulled him closer to me. His nose pressed against my neck and he smiled against my shoulder.

“No!” Lex yelled, shaking both of us and pulling at Kennedy. “She’s mine!”

“Go away, Lex,” I ordered. “We’re bonding.”

I glanced at her in time to see the disgusted look on her face. “Is that code for about-to-have-sex?”

“Will that make you go away?” Kennedy asked, voice vibrating against my skin.

Lex snorted. “You obviously don’t know me, Brock.”

I rolled my eyes and laughed. I listened patiently as they went back and forth for a few more minutes, completely ignoring that I was even there. It had been a couple days since Halvo had drunkenly revealed my secrets to John, and I hadn’t heard from either of them since then. It was finally the morning of Lex’s rehearsal and I was anxious about seeing John – again.

I couldn’t help but think that he hated me. I mean, he’d be crazy not to hate me after that night.

I still hadn’t figured out what I wanted to do. I missed him more than anything else in the world and it was getting extremely hard to resist him. I wanted John to be lying here with me, not Kennedy. I wanted John’s touch to light me on fire again. I wanted to watch him run around with Kaden and I wanted to kiss him, heart swelling with love aided by the sheer cuteness of a guy interacting with a child. I wanted the smell of his shampoo on my pillow, his cigarette smoke transferring to my clothes from our close contact; I was losing focus and I was breaking.

God, I missed John.

“Are you ready, Laney?” Lex asked, finally addressing me. “We’ve got a big day ahead!”

Kennedy was sitting up now and I sighed, stretching my arms above my head. “What’s first, my friend?” I asked.

Lex dragged me out of bed and even helped me get dressed. We spent the entire morning running around town and then most of the afternoon, into the evening, setting up the restaurant for the rehearsal dinner. The boys, Lex had told me, were in charge of setting up the run-through of the ceremony.

“Have you talked to John?” Lex asked, peering at me over a place setting.

I sighed softly. “You mean since the night I practically stomped all over his heart? No.”

“Well, I have,” Lex said confidently. I looked at her with a raised eyebrow, curious. “He hasn’t given up.”

I looked down at the plate I was standing in front of. Ironically it was John’s place. I sank into the seat and sighed deeply. I noticed that I was seated beside him, and on my other side was Austin. Lex looked at me and I looked at her. She offered me a smile before the owner of the restaurant stole her attention. I slipped a pen from my purse and gently took John’s name card in my hands.

Glancing at Lex to make sure she still had her back to me, I wrote in small, all-capital plain type in the bottom right corner: I MISS YOU.

**
“Baby, we’re just finishing up,” I heard Loren say through the phone. “It looks great. The whole party is here so we can do a quick rehearsal. We’re just waiting on you two.”

“We’ll be there soon,” Lex said as I turned a corner. “We’re probably two minutes away, okay? I love you.”

Before she even hung up, we were arriving. I felt my heart flutter a little when I stepped out of the car and spotted the white pickup a few spaces down. My heels crunched against the gravel and I think Lex could feel my growing anticipation. She grabbed my hand in her own and squeezed, looking at me with a grin.

“I promise you,” she said softly, “he hasn’t given up on you. And right now you look like a foxy woman that he will want to be all over.”

I wanted to laugh but the sound was killed when Loren turned around at the sound of Lex’s voice, and with him turned John. I swallowed hard as his eyes traveled up and down my body.

“It’s time!” Loren yelled, getting the attention of everyone else in the yard.

I tried not to meet John’s lingering gaze as Austin approached me and offered me his arm. I tried not to give in and steal glances as we walked down the aisle, John right in front of us. And God, I tried so hard not to stare at him as they ran through the gist of their vows and the importance of timings.

The whole rehearsal took a little more than an hour, and then we were all on our way to the restaurant. Kennedy and Max rode with me, saying they’d rather not squish into the front seat of John’s truck again.

“Someone’s got eyes for you,” Max teased from the backseat.

Kennedy laughed, nudging me from the passenger seat. “Seriously, he couldn’t stop staring. We almost had to do it over again because he wasn’t paying attention. I’m pretty sure he’s jealous as all hell over Austin walking you. And this outfit you have on? Positive he wants to rip it off you.”

I licked my lips nervously. “Honestly.. I did try a little.”

Max’s laugh boomed throughout the car. “I told you, Ken! I told you!”

My cheeks blushed twenty shades of red. I parked next to Loren’s car and turned the ignition off. I looked at Kennedy, then at Max. “I swear to God, if either of you say something to him-”

“What would we say?” Max mused.

Kennedy nodded. “And, honestly here, this little depression thing he’s gone into is really making for some good songs. Sorry Lane, but it’s really good for the band.”

I glared at Kennedy, wondering if there was any sarcasm in his words at all. Before I could ask, however, he was out of the car and Max was pushing his seat up so he could get out as well. I grabbed the keys before pushing my door open.

I waited outside for Austin to show up. John was sitting in his truck a few feet away, the glow of his phone lighting up his face. He had a cigarette carelessly dangling from his lips as he typed mindlessly.

“Hey hottie,” I heard from beside me. I smiled halfheartedly at Halvo’s attempt to fix what he had done. “I’m sorry, you know. I didn’t mean to say any of that. I was wasted and I had no idea he was behind me.”

“It’s fine,” I said softly. “It kinda needed to happen, you know? I was too chicken to say anything to him about it on my own.”

Austin parked directly in front of where we were standing. Halvo nodded, “I know. I’m just sorry it happened the way it did. But, if it’s any consolation to you, he punched me really hard the next morning. And he’s been talking about you nonstop.”

I looked at Halvo and hugged him. I squeezed him, really. He laughed when I didn’t let go. He wrapped his arms around me and smoothed the hair on the back of my head. Austin stood next to us and lit up a cigarette while he waited for our moment to pass. But neither of us let go; Halvo embraced me and he told me it would be okay, that things would eventually all work out. I held onto his words more than I held onto Lex’s. Lex was my best friend, not John’s; she would always be biased in my favor. But Halvo? He knew John better than anyone else. And if he said things would work out, then things would work out.

“Can I get in on this or-?”

I laughed at Austin’s interruption and slowly pulled away from Halvo. Austin finished his cigarette, stepped on it with his boot, and then draped an arm around my shoulders. I hugged him from the side as the three of us ventured inside.

We talked and joked about Lex and Loren’s relationship; speeches were made and we reflected on how it all began. In the middle of a speech, John quietly made his entrance. His shoulders sank when he realized his seat was the one next to mine. He quickly made his way over, though, and sank into the chair. I held my breath, waiting for him to instantly notice my handwriting on his card. But he didn’t see it – or maybe he did, he just chose not to respond to it.

The reflections lasted until our meals were brought out to us and then we all fell into silence, only speaking to our neighbors. I did most of my conversing with Austin. That is, until Austin excused himself to the bar.

I nervously picked at my napkin, crinkling it and making creases in the fabric, hoping that I would be able to go home soon. The silence between John and I was becoming awkward and thick and I couldn’t handle it much longer. I pushed my seat back and decided to join Austin at the bar.

We had drink after drink. We made a bet that every time he got a girl’s number I had to take a shot. So, naturally, I ended up drunk in an instant. But I didn’t mind. I needed to somehow forget that tension at the table.

“Lane.” My heart jumped into my throat. I held my breath again and slowly turned to look at him. And I really took him in this time. He looked tired and overwhelmed, but so put together all the same. He wore a dress shirt and black slacks, a pair of boots to match the rest of the groomsmen. “Can we..”

I nodded, sliding off the stool. Austin was too engrossed in a conversation with a pretty brunette to notice that I was following John outside.

He instantly lit a cigarette. He took a few drags before he spoke again. “You miss me. You miss me and I miss you so we need to.. We need to just figure this out.”

I opened my mouth to say something but nothing came out. I pursed my lips instead.

He rolled his eyes and laughed. “See? You know I’m right. This whole thing is just so fucking ridiculous now. It’s been long enough.”

My heart was racing, beating wildly against my ribs. “There are so many things that I’d like to say to you. But I just- I don’t know how.”

He stepped closer to me. I inhaled shakily, eyes fluttering shut as his familiar scent overtook me. I could hear his boot crushing the remains of his cigarette against the sidewalk. “Don’t say anything,” he whispered, and then his lips closed on mine.

I lost inhibition as my hands found their way into his tousled hair. His hands gripped at my hips, tugging me into him. Our kiss was fueled with passion and I felt so alive. My back pressed hard against the brick wall of the building, his lips furiously kissed and bit at mine.

“Jesus,” I moaned as he moved to my neck. His body was flush against mine and I rested my head against his shoulder. I couldn’t catch my breath no matter how hard I tried.

And I didn’t resist when he suddenly yanked me away from the wall, still holding me against him as we stumbled together toward his truck. He helped me into the seat through the driver’s side, much like the night we drove to Flagstaff. As he drove he would lean over and steal kisses, causing my heart to beat a little faster each time.

He parked in my driveway and pulled me out of the truck. His hand clasped around mine as he dragged me up to the front door. He pushed aside the welcome mat and picked up the spare key, something I wasn’t sure how he knew about, but I was grateful all the same – I had left my purse behind, and my keys were it.

“Laney,” John groaned once we reached my bedroom. He watched as I unbuttoned his shirt quickly, practically ripping it out of its neatly tucked position in his pants. I whipped his belt off and tossed it aside. His hands tangled in my hair, his lips crushing mine.

“Yes?” I whimpered, his hands sliding down my neck and to the zipper of my dress. He unzipped it within seconds and before I could blink, the fabric was torn from my body and floating to the floor around my feet.

He kicked his shoes off as he unbuttoned his pants. I pulled his shirt off, dropping it to the floor with my dress. His pants joined the growing pile and I stepped out of my heels, losing some height in the process. He sat on the edge of my bed, looking up at me as I sat on his lap.

He never answered, but I could guess where he was going. I needed him, too.